Mehsud accepts responsibility for any problems with Pakistani team selection
By our military correspondent

Kabul: In keeping with the current trend of accountability in Pakistani affairs, the leader of the Pakistani Taliban and Adhoc chairman of Taliban Cricketing Council, Sardar Bewaqoof-e-Millat Baitallah Mehsud, has accepted total and utter responsibility for any possible future problems with team selection by the PCB.

In a hastily organized telephone call to the nations premier news source, TSN, Pakistan’s Minister of Intelligent affairs, Rehman Malik said that he had received a personal phone call from Baitallah Mehsud accepting all that has and could go wrong with Pakistani cricket – thereby absolving PCB of any possible blame, incase things go drastically bad in our selection policies. Malik, who seemed a little more spaced out than his usual self, admitted that even for a person of his intellectual capacities, this sounded rather lame but since he needed a job, he would go along with the story.

According to Malik, a man who possibly sounded like Mr. Ejaz Butt called him while he was enjoying his breakfast at 2:00pm. The caller, who wished to be known as Mehsud for convenience, claimed that as long as US drone attacks continue, he and his group of likeable people had and would do their utmost to adversely effect selection policies. He described in detail how the dastardly group had hijacked the selection committee and made it do some despicable acts, some of which could never be repeated in front of mature audiences.

In particular, the Mehsud phone call listed decisions in the past, such as forcing the selection of tried and tested failures while fresh talent was ignored and the magical tests that always proved Shoaib Akhtars to be fitter than 2 michelin tyres put together on a donkey cart. In addition, the group also laid claim to the masterful appointment, sacking, re-sacking and further reappointment of Javed Miandad and his nephew as its most prized attacks.

Our hysterical correspondent adds:

Amongst the cricket loving community, this outrageous claim by Mehsud was met with total happiness and hysterical laughter. As people danced on the streets, burning their and their neighbours chaddis with relief that Pakistani cricket was at last in safe hands, medical staff at the Mayo Hospital for Weak Minds claimed that Mr. Rehman and Mr, Butt would no longer be required for weekly medical checkups as their sanity was for all to see.