Pakistan's answer to the IPL- CricInfo Page 2.

[kak196]

Mods: Move this to Time Pass if required.

Even phrases aren't safe with the Pakistan Cricket Board. "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" has been inverted, as the Pakistanis now plan to host their own version of the IPL.

A number of names are being considered. The frontrunner appears to be the Non-Indian Premier League, or NIPL, which is followed by the catchy tagline "Suck on That".

Location is proving more of a twister. The Pakistanis can't play at home because it's too dangerous. Thus the no-man's-land-but-cash-rules city of Dubai is the likely site for the tournament. However, according to some dude on Facebook called Zulqarnain Haider, even Dubai is too dangerous. But my mom told me not to believe everything on Facebook.

So Dubai it is. This is rather like someone in South Central LA hosting a party at a posh joint downtown, which says everything about the guests and their lack of adventure. Do people not realise that slumming in hot spots is the new eco-tourism? Who needs the has-been dull-dolls Shilpa Shetty and Preity Zinta when you have, as a regular visitor to Pakistan, Ms Angelina Jolie?

Shane Warne, at least, would definitely come.

Indeed, after further consideration of the potential delights, many more players, fans and shameless advertisers would follow.

In Peshawar we'd have strapping northern Pakistani men in lieu of the usual plastic cheerleaders, thus quadrupling the female television audience.

In Quetta we'd have commentators' product placement run riot: "...And that's a Babar Khan AK47 Superstore Yorker from Shoaib Akhtar". "...And that's an Omar's Mail Order Rocket Launchers Maximum from Adam Gilchrist." "And that's a Shireen's Specialist Moustache Removal Beauty Parlour Maiden from Daniel Vettori."

In Karachi, Chris Gayle would tweet live on the city's infamous target killings, eventually winning a Pulitzer Prize for journalism and declaring: "This is the big one. Forget World Cups and the Frank Worrell Trophy and even the Stanford millions. The West Indies Cricket Board will never understand me - this is the one I really wanted."

In Lahore, Andrew Symonds would hail the kebabs as the best in the world, tempting David Boon and Arjuna Ranatunga to join the swelling ranks of retired cricketers playing Twenty20. Inzamam-ul-Haq, however, would likely remain unmoved.

In Islamabad nothing would happen, and every Indian player would sigh with relief at a moment, however brief, of respite from cricket and its ensuing tamashas. "There is nothing to do," says the bored Isloo resident. "Yes," says MS Dhoni. "Exactly. What bliss!"

Also, following the example of the IPL, the NIPL would punish innocent players for the actions or non-actions of their government and therefore **** on sport's wonderful capacity to unite individuals beyond politics. Thus there would not be a single English player in sight. Two hundred years of subjugation and exploitation come with a price. Graeme Swann, you imperialist scum!

More than anything, Pakistanis would get to see some live cricket.

The stadiums of Karachi, Lahore, Multan, Faisalabad and Rawalpindi are silent and starving. The bowl-shaped arenas are begging. What they need is the modern incarnation of the man who fed the five thousand. The man who walked on water. The man who can unite the warring tribes of Adidas and Nike and just do the impossible.

What's Lalit Modi up to these days?

http://www.espncricinfo.com/page2/content/story/512684.html

[The_Real_Deal]

crap article and ridiculing pak cricket.

inshallah one day we will have our very own PPL, then we'll see how crap-info writes these crap articles which aren't funny.

baqwaas.

[KingKhanWC]

What a joke of an article. Cricindia is going downhill even faster than before.

[kak196]

crap article and ridiculing pak cricket.

inshallah one day we will have our very own PPL, then we'll see how crap-info writes these crap articles which aren't funny.

You are wrong, More than anything it is making fun of IPL. Take it easy.

[Pakistani93]

Like I said in the other thread, this article is easily the most pathetic and biased article that I have ever read

[gsivak]

BTW in case people are going to talk about biased writing let it be known that the writer is a Pakistani chap called Imran Yusuf.

[Afridi_Fan]

This is suppose to be funny, right?

[ManHOOS]

Tottaly crap article Probbaly Writer want s to keep his employers HAPPY so doing his job Quite Effientiently:boycott

[WNC]

In Peshawar we'd have strapping northern Pakistani men in lieu of the usual plastic cheerleaders, thus quadrupling the female television audience.

In Quetta we'd have commentators' product placement run riot: "...And that's a Babar Khan AK47 Superstore Yorker from Shoaib Akhtar". "...And that's an Omar's Mail Order Rocket Launchers Maximum from Adam Gilchrist." "And that's a Shireen's Specialist Moustache Removal Beauty Parlour Maiden from Daniel Vettori."

In Karachi, Chris Gayle would tweet live on the city's infamous target killings, eventually winning a Pulitzer Prize for journalism and declaring: "This is the big one. Forget World Cups and the Frank Worrell Trophy and even the Stanford millions. The West Indies Cricket Board will never understand me - this is the one I really wanted."



Yup. Real humour in that. As others have already stated, crap article and only friggen midgets would find something good in that.

[The_Real_Deal]

BTW in case people are going to talk about biased writing let it be known that the writer is a Pakistani chap called Imran Yusuf.

keeping his employers happy no doubt.

[duostyle]

These Page 2 articles are never funny. :))

Only thing worth on there are the cartoons where you can find some gems from time to time.

[ManHOOS]

^^^ Imran yousaf is doing his level best to keep his bosses happy Not a big deal though :D

[1137moiz]

Really unfunny. The only funny thing on Page 2 is the Satish Acharya cartoon

[Statsman]

Keeping bosses happy?

Why? Can't a Pakistani write an article which is offensive to his countrymen?

NFP does it all the time

[1137moiz]

Keeping bosses happy?

Why? Can't a Pakistani write an article which is offensive to his countrymen?

NFP does it all the time
Sure, but it should at least be funny

[Statsman]

Sure, but it should at least be funny

NFP is? ;-)

[1137moiz]

NFP is? ;-)
Unintentionally, yes :D. I know the fellow personally though I disagree as strongly as possible with most of his views. But we're on warm terms, email each other and debate occasionally.

[Zohaib Shah]

Imran Yusuf needs to retire from writing. He's Useless and gives us a bad name.

[Blitz]

I found the first 1 or 2 paragraphs funny-ish.

Then it got boring.

[Statsman]

Unintentionally, yes :D. I know the fellow personally though I disagree as strongly as possible with most of his views. But we're on warm terms, email each other and debate occasionally.

Great to know that. I used to find his articles funny long back, 1 or 2 years ago. After that he started repeating stuff and lost the touch imo. I stopped following then.

Debating with him must be a very tiring job, seems to be quite adamant about his views.

[Riff]

crap article and ridiculing pak cricket.

inshallah one day we will have our very own PPL, then we'll see how crap-info writes these crap articles which aren't funny.

baqwaas.

And what makes you think that we can pull this off buddy? :butt

[WithLoveFromCanada]

Just posted my comments on cricinfo on that page 2 article, let see if this gets approved:

Imran yusuf you proved yourself you're true to your job of sucking indian's ass. I know these comments wont be approved but I thought I should tell you that you won't earn any respect for making fun of a country and a lot of people who're living there.

[Spiderguy252]

I agree that it is a very discriminatory article. I'm surprised to learn that the writer is a Pakistani himself!

[ManHOOS]

Just posted my comments on cricinfo on that page 2 article, let see if this gets approved:

Imran yusuf you proved yourself you're true to your job of sucking indian's ass. I know these comments wont be approved but I thought I should tell you that you won't earn any respect for making fun of a country and a lot of people who're living there.

Take it easy WLFC OP has posted here to tease PP erz here Relax and Chill n Tell OP we are nt bother REMEMBER BIG HEARTS :afridi

[The_Real_Deal]

And what makes you think that we can pull this off buddy? :butt

its in the piple-line do be hosted in dubai..

watch this space.... :inti

[Statsman]

its in the piple-line do be hosted in dubai..

watch this space.... :inti

Probably this thread can be bumped if the PCB pulls it off.

[Quick Single]

That is disgusting, nothing more nothing less. Not even funny.

What a kiss up, he is a disgrace to the Pakistan nation.

[Prince_Pathan]

absolute load of <b>horse</b> "michael" <b>ballack</b>

[cricket_coach]

I am still trying to figure out fun part. Actually totally confused.......

[12cavalry]

...And that's a Babar Khan AK47 Superstore Yorker from Shoaib Akhtar".

"...And that's an Omar's Mail Order Rocket Launchers Maximum from Adam Gilchrist."

:facepalm:

[sid81]

not at all funny..

[cric_man]

self-hating pakistani perhaps...
I have never found these page 2 articles to be funny.

[munna_]

..And that's a Babar Khan AK47 Superstore Yorker from Shoaib Akhtar".

"...And that's an Omar's Mail Order Rocket Launchers Maximum from Adam Gilchrist

and why do u have to write that to an already politically disturbed country? just to show the rest of the people that even the residents and representatives agree with fox news and cnn?

[Fawad2010]

Hard to believe the writer is Pakistani, Shame on you, Imran Yusuf!

[JibranAnsari]

very very unfunny article. THis guy should watch family guy.

[ddss]

Lol he's trying too hard eh?

[Looney]

Imran Yusuf has written better articles

[SAF]

If I see the writer in person, I will punch him as hard as I can, right in his face for wrting this worthless piece of crap.

[farazaidi]

AK47 and rocket launchers? that is the best metaphors he could come up with? what a disgusting piece of crap that is. And for the record, it is not even remotely funny.

[skittles]

If I see the writer in person, I will punch him as hard as I can, right in his face for wrting this worthless piece of crap.

:))) So much for freedom of speech....and you live in the US?

[SAF]

:))) So much for freedom of speech....and you live in the US?

No its not that. Its the quality of the article. I know he tried hard but its still crap.. I would have done the same to an american as well :yk

[skittles]

No its not that. Its the quality of the article. I know he tried hard but its still crap.. I would have done the same to an american as well :yk

Same difference. Freedom of speech means they can write whatever they want, even if its crap.

[Waleedk11]

:))) So much for freedom of speech....and you live in the US?

Says the man from the biggest "democracy" in the world where Muslims are not allowed to support Pakistan in any way and not allowed to live in Mumbai . Correct me if im wrong.

[ManHOOS]

^^^You are Great No one can match you Sir :D

[HaMmy FinE LeG StriKeR]

find osman and kamran very good neutral writers, who is this imran yusuf guy, if he is pakistani, then i think being pakistani he should hell go out of pakistan, maybe live in india, why is he is staying in pakistan??

[HaMmy FinE LeG StriKeR]

I agree that it is a very discriminatory article. I'm surprised to learn that the writer is a Pakistani himself!

brother there have been some pakistanis cockroaches quite some time in pakistani media, asma jahangir, nadeen f paracha, pervez hoodbhoy, najam sethi, etc so we dont need indian media to experience anti pakistani stuff

esp dawn news is filled with these guys, i dunno which planet earth they came from and clmied themselves to be pakistanis??

[skittles]

Says the man from the biggest "democracy" in the world where Muslims are not allowed to support Pakistan in any way and not allowed to live in Mumbai . Correct me if im wrong.

Hahah...nice try. Just because India is not the paragon of 'freedom of speech,' does it mean I can't point it out? I'd point it out if it were an Indian saying the same thing.

Who disallows Muslims from supporting Pakistan? You are quite delusional...and who disallows muslims from living in Mumbai? There, I corrected you, you are totally WRONG.

Yes, people would and should get irritated if Indian Muslims support Pakistan over India, but that is where it should end. They have the right and no one has the right to make them support India.

[Waleedk11]

Hahah...nice try. Just because India is not the paragon of 'freedom of speech,' does it mean I can't point it out? I'd point it out if it were an Indian saying the same thing.

Who disallows Muslims from supporting Pakistan? You are quite delusional...and who disallows muslims from living in Mumbai? There, I corrected you, you are totally WRONG.

Yes, people would and should get irritated if Indian Muslims support Pakistan over India, but that is where it should end. They have the right and no one has the right to make them support India.

I never you said you cant point it out. You are yet to prove me wrong.

[skittles]

I never you said you cant point it out. You are yet to prove me wrong.

You sure implied it.

When you make stupid claims like Muslims are not allowed to do A, B or C in India, the burden of proof falls on you to prove it. I don't have to prove you wrong, you have to prove yourself right.

Just like if I said that I saw the abominable snowman last night...I'd have to prove myself right if anyone were to believe me. If I said, hah...prove that I didn't, then people would rightly think I'm crazy.

[Waleedk11]

You sure implied it.

When you make stupid claims like Muslims are not allowed to do A, B or C in India, the burden of proof falls on you to prove it. I don't have to prove you wrong, you have to prove yourself right.

Just like if I said that I saw the abominable snowman last night...I'd have to prove myself right if anyone were to believe me. If I said, hah...prove that I didn't, then people would rightly think I'm crazy.

I don't need you to believe me, as some people will agree and some dont. And FYI i have a large family in India, and they agree with these claims but hey no countries perfect and there's no such thing as a democracy IMO.

[Indiafan]

Cricinfo page 2 stopped being funny a long time ago

[riasat]

biggest bollywood superstars are muslims (all the khans) and the industry is based in Mumbai...enough said...

I am from bd btw :P

[Black Zero]

i always liked yousaf's articles...but this one is :20:

[Statsman]

Says the man from the biggest "democracy" in the world where Muslims are not allowed to support Pakistan in any way and not allowed to live in Mumbai . Correct me if im wrong.

You are wrong my friend. Anyone is allowed to support any team. 5 of my friends supported Pakistan during the Ind-Pak Semi Final. 1 of them a Muslim. Obviously you dont want to run into maniac fans and abuse their players. That's a different story all together.

[KIC]

Some Page 2 articles are funny. But this is not. Very forced.

I found this one by Sidin Vadukut (has written a few gems) quite hilarious.

http://www.espncricinfo.com/page2/content/story/508877.html

Do read for gems like these & more

"The brain has given up hope. Mohali shouldn't be so hard to bat on. The famed batting attack is collapsing again. Why god, why does this happen only to us? Why can't we get one decent break as a country? What are we doing wrong? Is it Bappi Lahiri? "

"Munaf Patel has the aggression and ferocity of a humanities librarian who has already opted for voluntary retirement."

"Nehra is a fast bowler only if you are fast-forwarding through a DVD of his bowling."

[attock]

What utter nonesense......If you not funny then you should not try to be, because you will make a fool out of yourself.........Like you "kak196" have just done with this thread.....