MIG
1st February 2005, 12:01
Thankfully PCB has spent some time and money to discover the REAL cause of bad running between wickets.....
Regards
=============================
TheSourceNews: your one stop FACTUAL news portal.....
Scientists discover the "run out" gene in Pakistani men...
From our science correspondent
Lahore: The Mughalpura Institute of Technology ( MIT) have announced the discovery of a new , hitherto uknown , gene in human beings. The credit for this new all elusive gene which manifests itself in many forms and is common among males from all races, is being soley attributed to Dr. Miggy Khan, senior scientist ( Pakistan chapter of GENOME project ) at MIT, Lahore.
Details of this gene are still a bit sketchy but, this correspondent has learned from other correspondents who actually understand this kind of stuff that the presence of this gene, clearly explains the high percentage of run outs in the Pakistan Cricket team.
For more insight into this startling discovery, we caught up with the great scientist, Dr. Miggy Khan at the MIT campus in downtown Lahore.
[TheSourceNews]: Dr. Khan, firstly many thanks for having us at such a short notice - how does it feel to be infamous, ha ha ?
Dr. M Khan: Well , It is indeed a great feeling to know that the research you have been doing for the past 20 years is of ANY use. I am of course thankful to the PCB for funding my research and providing enough samples to make my work worthwhile.
[TheSourceNews]: So what is this gene you have discovered ? To the layman, it sounds like a new model of Levis ( ha ha ) but to the scientists , this must mean so much more ? What does it mean ?
Dr. M Khan: To tell you the truth frankly and honestly [ we take a break of 30 minutes for Paan and chai ].....speaking - nobody really knows ! I mean, who knows what these little tiddly gene things actually do but you see my job is to provide some answers to PCB about the problem that Pakistani batsman face while running between wickets.
[TheSourceNews]: Ok, so what is it ?
Dr. M Khan: Well, we discovered that among Pakistani male population , 90% males are unable to cross the road. For example, this is how a Pakistani Male crosses a road in Pakistan:
1. Without respect or regard, walk onto the highway
2. Once in the middle, look left or right or straightahead
3. Continiue crossing road until hit by traffic or bumping into another road crosser
4. If you have women and children or animals in toe, ask them to repeat steps 1,2 and 3 ad nauseum.
We then extrapolated the road crossing technique to cricket and voila !! we have the answer ! It is clear that this is exactly how our batsman cross over for runs - without looking and without any communication !!
We therefore came to the conclusion that Pakistani male population has this gene in their gene makeup and this is responsible for the high incidence of "run out" type dismissals.
[TheSourceNews]: Ok Good. So based on your findings, what new steps have PCB taken to reduce the instance of run outs within Pakistani players ?
Dr. M Khan: Well , firstly we have devised a very complex and new training method ( costing $10 Million US Dollars ) - this is totally different from that recommended by their British coach (TheSourceNews have since identified this man as the evil Bob Woolmer ) which involves some strange ideas about calling and other outdated concepts such as grounding your bats etc.
This training method involves going to the nearest highway to National Stadium in Karachi, the Sharae Faisal and doing the following:
1. Looking left , then looking right
2. Crossing the road in a straightline, taking care that you dont run into oncoming pedestrians or do not get hit by traffic plying the road.
We believe that by regularly following the above exercises, the effects of the run out gene can be countered by any individual, resulting in many years of run out free existence.
With these comments, our meeting comes to an end. We wish the good PAKISTANI doctor success in his research.
In return Dr. Miggy Khan offers to buy us Paan from the shop across the street and is duly hit by a bus from the left side. [ Pls see obituary section for Dr. Miggy Khans life achievements]
[TheSourceNews]
Regards
=============================
TheSourceNews: your one stop FACTUAL news portal.....
Scientists discover the "run out" gene in Pakistani men...
From our science correspondent
Lahore: The Mughalpura Institute of Technology ( MIT) have announced the discovery of a new , hitherto uknown , gene in human beings. The credit for this new all elusive gene which manifests itself in many forms and is common among males from all races, is being soley attributed to Dr. Miggy Khan, senior scientist ( Pakistan chapter of GENOME project ) at MIT, Lahore.
Details of this gene are still a bit sketchy but, this correspondent has learned from other correspondents who actually understand this kind of stuff that the presence of this gene, clearly explains the high percentage of run outs in the Pakistan Cricket team.
For more insight into this startling discovery, we caught up with the great scientist, Dr. Miggy Khan at the MIT campus in downtown Lahore.
[TheSourceNews]: Dr. Khan, firstly many thanks for having us at such a short notice - how does it feel to be infamous, ha ha ?
Dr. M Khan: Well , It is indeed a great feeling to know that the research you have been doing for the past 20 years is of ANY use. I am of course thankful to the PCB for funding my research and providing enough samples to make my work worthwhile.
[TheSourceNews]: So what is this gene you have discovered ? To the layman, it sounds like a new model of Levis ( ha ha ) but to the scientists , this must mean so much more ? What does it mean ?
Dr. M Khan: To tell you the truth frankly and honestly [ we take a break of 30 minutes for Paan and chai ].....speaking - nobody really knows ! I mean, who knows what these little tiddly gene things actually do but you see my job is to provide some answers to PCB about the problem that Pakistani batsman face while running between wickets.
[TheSourceNews]: Ok, so what is it ?
Dr. M Khan: Well, we discovered that among Pakistani male population , 90% males are unable to cross the road. For example, this is how a Pakistani Male crosses a road in Pakistan:
1. Without respect or regard, walk onto the highway
2. Once in the middle, look left or right or straightahead
3. Continiue crossing road until hit by traffic or bumping into another road crosser
4. If you have women and children or animals in toe, ask them to repeat steps 1,2 and 3 ad nauseum.
We then extrapolated the road crossing technique to cricket and voila !! we have the answer ! It is clear that this is exactly how our batsman cross over for runs - without looking and without any communication !!
We therefore came to the conclusion that Pakistani male population has this gene in their gene makeup and this is responsible for the high incidence of "run out" type dismissals.
[TheSourceNews]: Ok Good. So based on your findings, what new steps have PCB taken to reduce the instance of run outs within Pakistani players ?
Dr. M Khan: Well , firstly we have devised a very complex and new training method ( costing $10 Million US Dollars ) - this is totally different from that recommended by their British coach (TheSourceNews have since identified this man as the evil Bob Woolmer ) which involves some strange ideas about calling and other outdated concepts such as grounding your bats etc.
This training method involves going to the nearest highway to National Stadium in Karachi, the Sharae Faisal and doing the following:
1. Looking left , then looking right
2. Crossing the road in a straightline, taking care that you dont run into oncoming pedestrians or do not get hit by traffic plying the road.
We believe that by regularly following the above exercises, the effects of the run out gene can be countered by any individual, resulting in many years of run out free existence.
With these comments, our meeting comes to an end. We wish the good PAKISTANI doctor success in his research.
In return Dr. Miggy Khan offers to buy us Paan from the shop across the street and is duly hit by a bus from the left side. [ Pls see obituary section for Dr. Miggy Khans life achievements]
[TheSourceNews]