MIG
29th January 2005, 08:34
Dear friends:
To celebrate the launch of a great website for a greater forum, Enjoy and happy happy reading....
:-D :-D
========================
This is set in the future.
The year 2020 - BW has eventually been fired and now owns the island of Madagascar and approx 200 concubines, after the huge amounts of Foreign exchange paid by PCB.
Pakistan are now rated 1 in the world - Australians have given up cricket since Pakistans meteoric rise and are now concentrating solely on scuba diving
BCCI have applied and successfully recieved patent rights for the No 2 position and there they remain - No. 2
Inzi still remains the captain although he now jogs in with his bowlers as they come into bowl, whispering advice to them until they are about to bowl - then he hands them the ball and races back to the slip position before the ball gets to the batsman.
He is also able to recite Shakespeares Julius Ceaser or Henry V in URDU/Punjabi or even English at the drop of a hat.
Shoaib is now bowling from a runup of 2 steps, thus preserving his energy for atleats 20 overs. He is married to a lady identified as "M" and is a reformed character. Wears kurta pyjama and only attends mushairas when on tour
The other Shoaib ( Malik ) has left cricket and is now Pakistans sole short put thrower - winning all World titles since 2005.
Pakistans new coach is Abdul Qadir and Haroon Rashid has been hired as a manager as he has previous experience of being fired at short notice .....
Looks like the PCB have finally got their act together.
Regards
============
Visit to Attock Sports Center (TheSourceNews)
By your faithful and honest correspondent
For many Pakistanis, the very mention of the infamous Attock Rehabilitation Center or ARC ( known lovingly by the locals as Attock Jail ) inspires warm and fuzzy feelings as they understand the role of this important institution in shaping the history of Pakistani politics.
However, in recent times, the ARC has also become the focal point of a much more important mission - the grooming of our nations cricketers. This due to the untiring efforts of the PCB and a retired ex army Drill instructor, from the nations premier military school, the future of Pakistans cricket is in good hands.
With this in mind, and armed with an invitation for a special evening, we made our way to the famed seat of earning or even learning.
We are met at the door by Gen. Hamad Khan - a man who can inspire only one thing in anyone who meets him - unbridled fear!
Gen. Khan explains a little about the "The Patriotic Cricketer" program that his regiment runs at ARC.
"The Patriotic Cricket program aka PCP was devised by the PCB and us to ensure that our cricketers are not under any delusion why they have been chosen to play cricket for Pakistan. You see , discipline is a word of the bygone era - this nonsense about dont beat the child etc - its just nonsense - I mean look at what we did with Inzi ? He came here saying I only eat Biryani on Thursdays and Fridays, Murgh Mussalam on Monday and Wednesday - WHaaat nonsense I said to him ! What did we do, we devised a new course called Phainty 101 - this included 30 lashes and one piece of chicken leg a day for Inzi - NOW, you look at him ? has he improved or not ? "
We can only agree but we have questions on the rest of the curriculum and we are provided with a details as follows:
0500:players are woken up by the bugle blowers
0515:Breakfast complete
0545:Breakfast complete for Inzi
0600:Chanting: "Pakistan Ka Matlab kiya ? La Illaha Illallah"
0700:Chanting: "Pakistan Ka Matlab kiya ? La Illaha Illallah"
0800:Chanting: "Pakistan Ka Matlab kiya ? La Illaha Illallah"
0900:Chanting: "Pakistan Ka Matlab kiya ? La Illaha Illallah"
0100:Chanting: "Pakistan Ka Matlab kiya ? La Illaha Illallah"
1100:Chanting: "Pakistan Ka Matlab kiya ? La Illaha Illallah"
1200:Lunch break complete
1400:Lunch break complete Inzi
1400:Basket weaving and handicraft workshop
1500-2200: Phainty session with patriotic music in the background
2300: Players offered a chance to visit local night club - those agreeing are shot dead, rest go to sleep with fear
This is an impressive training regimen, the only issue being that there is no actual Cricket training scheduled here. The General is quick to answer this in his typical armed forces type demeanor "Look here son, Agar Aaj ghar jana hai to ziyada bak bak maat karo - tasweer khencho aur nikal jao !" Amazing how he can keep up such a sense of humor in a serious place like this [nervous laugh] - testament to the will and courage of our country's armed forces !
We are finally shown some of the training facilities. The one that interests us most and many current cricketers swear by is the "Phainty section" - this area contains many rooms with odd looking hooks in the ceilings, but only one of them is being used. In the center clearing, a upcoming Pak cricketer with a domestic average of 200/inning is lying down being given the phainty [details censored incase some humsaya mulk decided to use it to better their cricketers] As he is administered the time honoured Phainty treatment , he recites the now familiar cricketers prayer "I am nothing but a servant of Pakistan and I hate fancy mobile phones and fancy cars and will marry the lady chosen by my maternal aunt and will not go near a nightclub/phonebooth, and yes I will score runs for Pakistan too"[see picture below and repent]
http://www.corpun.com/5275.jpg
In another area, some distinguished ex Pakistani cricketers watch as one of the newer players are trained in the art of Patriotism:
http://www.corpun.com/12157a.jpg
In another room cricketers sit togther sipping chai some knitting sweaters, others busy making wicker baskets for others, just a chance to clap and sing patriotic sounds ( the faint melodies of Sohni Dharti can be heard througout the valley ).
Life is perfect and serenity rules as we come to the end of this tour and take leave from our hosts - your humble correspondent thanks the PCB and the General for their cooperation and promises to be a good boy for the rest of his life. Pakistan cricket will never be the sane/same again !!!
[TheSourceNews]
To celebrate the launch of a great website for a greater forum, Enjoy and happy happy reading....
:-D :-D
========================
This is set in the future.
The year 2020 - BW has eventually been fired and now owns the island of Madagascar and approx 200 concubines, after the huge amounts of Foreign exchange paid by PCB.
Pakistan are now rated 1 in the world - Australians have given up cricket since Pakistans meteoric rise and are now concentrating solely on scuba diving
BCCI have applied and successfully recieved patent rights for the No 2 position and there they remain - No. 2
Inzi still remains the captain although he now jogs in with his bowlers as they come into bowl, whispering advice to them until they are about to bowl - then he hands them the ball and races back to the slip position before the ball gets to the batsman.
He is also able to recite Shakespeares Julius Ceaser or Henry V in URDU/Punjabi or even English at the drop of a hat.
Shoaib is now bowling from a runup of 2 steps, thus preserving his energy for atleats 20 overs. He is married to a lady identified as "M" and is a reformed character. Wears kurta pyjama and only attends mushairas when on tour
The other Shoaib ( Malik ) has left cricket and is now Pakistans sole short put thrower - winning all World titles since 2005.
Pakistans new coach is Abdul Qadir and Haroon Rashid has been hired as a manager as he has previous experience of being fired at short notice .....
Looks like the PCB have finally got their act together.
Regards
============
Visit to Attock Sports Center (TheSourceNews)
By your faithful and honest correspondent
For many Pakistanis, the very mention of the infamous Attock Rehabilitation Center or ARC ( known lovingly by the locals as Attock Jail ) inspires warm and fuzzy feelings as they understand the role of this important institution in shaping the history of Pakistani politics.
However, in recent times, the ARC has also become the focal point of a much more important mission - the grooming of our nations cricketers. This due to the untiring efforts of the PCB and a retired ex army Drill instructor, from the nations premier military school, the future of Pakistans cricket is in good hands.
With this in mind, and armed with an invitation for a special evening, we made our way to the famed seat of earning or even learning.
We are met at the door by Gen. Hamad Khan - a man who can inspire only one thing in anyone who meets him - unbridled fear!
Gen. Khan explains a little about the "The Patriotic Cricketer" program that his regiment runs at ARC.
"The Patriotic Cricket program aka PCP was devised by the PCB and us to ensure that our cricketers are not under any delusion why they have been chosen to play cricket for Pakistan. You see , discipline is a word of the bygone era - this nonsense about dont beat the child etc - its just nonsense - I mean look at what we did with Inzi ? He came here saying I only eat Biryani on Thursdays and Fridays, Murgh Mussalam on Monday and Wednesday - WHaaat nonsense I said to him ! What did we do, we devised a new course called Phainty 101 - this included 30 lashes and one piece of chicken leg a day for Inzi - NOW, you look at him ? has he improved or not ? "
We can only agree but we have questions on the rest of the curriculum and we are provided with a details as follows:
0500:players are woken up by the bugle blowers
0515:Breakfast complete
0545:Breakfast complete for Inzi
0600:Chanting: "Pakistan Ka Matlab kiya ? La Illaha Illallah"
0700:Chanting: "Pakistan Ka Matlab kiya ? La Illaha Illallah"
0800:Chanting: "Pakistan Ka Matlab kiya ? La Illaha Illallah"
0900:Chanting: "Pakistan Ka Matlab kiya ? La Illaha Illallah"
0100:Chanting: "Pakistan Ka Matlab kiya ? La Illaha Illallah"
1100:Chanting: "Pakistan Ka Matlab kiya ? La Illaha Illallah"
1200:Lunch break complete
1400:Lunch break complete Inzi
1400:Basket weaving and handicraft workshop
1500-2200: Phainty session with patriotic music in the background
2300: Players offered a chance to visit local night club - those agreeing are shot dead, rest go to sleep with fear
This is an impressive training regimen, the only issue being that there is no actual Cricket training scheduled here. The General is quick to answer this in his typical armed forces type demeanor "Look here son, Agar Aaj ghar jana hai to ziyada bak bak maat karo - tasweer khencho aur nikal jao !" Amazing how he can keep up such a sense of humor in a serious place like this [nervous laugh] - testament to the will and courage of our country's armed forces !
We are finally shown some of the training facilities. The one that interests us most and many current cricketers swear by is the "Phainty section" - this area contains many rooms with odd looking hooks in the ceilings, but only one of them is being used. In the center clearing, a upcoming Pak cricketer with a domestic average of 200/inning is lying down being given the phainty [details censored incase some humsaya mulk decided to use it to better their cricketers] As he is administered the time honoured Phainty treatment , he recites the now familiar cricketers prayer "I am nothing but a servant of Pakistan and I hate fancy mobile phones and fancy cars and will marry the lady chosen by my maternal aunt and will not go near a nightclub/phonebooth, and yes I will score runs for Pakistan too"[see picture below and repent]
http://www.corpun.com/5275.jpg
In another area, some distinguished ex Pakistani cricketers watch as one of the newer players are trained in the art of Patriotism:
http://www.corpun.com/12157a.jpg
In another room cricketers sit togther sipping chai some knitting sweaters, others busy making wicker baskets for others, just a chance to clap and sing patriotic sounds ( the faint melodies of Sohni Dharti can be heard througout the valley ).
Life is perfect and serenity rules as we come to the end of this tour and take leave from our hosts - your humble correspondent thanks the PCB and the General for their cooperation and promises to be a good boy for the rest of his life. Pakistan cricket will never be the sane/same again !!!
[TheSourceNews]