The Lame Jokes Thread

DM · 8th July 2008, 13:48

Hey, don't shoot the messenger!

(another lame joke LOL)

**Daoud** · 8th July 2008, 14:00

Q. What was wrong with the car made of wood?

A. It wooden go

Q. What do you call a baby in a blender?

A. A dead baby..

Dont ask me about that one. Most of us were like w.t.h. when this kid said it

My cousin has plenty of extremely lame jokes that bring about that awkward silence then hysterical laughter that are thrown in at the most perfect time when people are telling genuinely funny jokes. Most of them are probably too racist to mention but I'll post the more acceptable ones

Q. Why do black people have nightmares?
A? Because the last one to have a dream got shot

**Awesome Anjum** · 8th July 2008, 14:44

How do you get thirteen babies into a postbox?
A blender

How do you get thirteen babies out of a postbox?
Doritos

**Ralync** · 8th July 2008, 16:59

.

**Ralync** · 8th July 2008, 17:01

Originally Posted by DM

What happened when the always well-meaning, shy fellow fell off the tree?

A freak accident involving a dislodged airplane panel killed him whilst on the tree, shortly before his limp carcass plummeted to the ground, causing an ill-sounding thud.

**the_game** · 8th July 2008, 19:10

Originally Posted by Awesome Anjum

How do you get thirteen babies into a postbox?
A blender

How do you get thirteen babies out of a postbox?
Doritos

Ouch, ouch, ouch! Hilarious .

**Indiafan** · 8th July 2008, 20:21

Originally Posted by The Blazer

Q- What is the smallest thing known to man?
A- Ask an Indian...

you mean, show an Indian

**The WagonWheel** · 8th July 2008, 20:59

Once a guy goes to a ranch to buy a goat. The owner of the shop had gone out of the city so his son was attending to the customers. So this guy goes and asks 'Bakra kitne ka hai ek ?' - the kid replies -
"Kaala waala jee ki safed waala ? "
'Kaala waala'
"Kaala waala jee 500 Rs ka"
'Aur safed wala ?'
"Safed waala bhi jee 500 Rs ka"
'Doodh kitna deta hai ek bakra ?'
"Kaala waala jee ki safed waala ?"
'Kaala waala'
"Kaala waala jee 5 litre"
'Aur safed waala ?'
"Wo bhi jee 5 litre"
'Kitne kilo ghaas khaata hai ek baar mein ek bakra ?'
"Kaun sa jee kaala waala ki safed waala ?"
'Kaala wala'
"Kaala waala jee - 2 kilo"
'Aur safed waala ?'
"Wo bhi jee 2 kilo khaa leta hai"

The man goes mad by now. He says - "Yaar jab saara kuchh ek jaisa hai to kaale safed ka panga kyo daal raha hai beech mein"

The kid goes " Jee baat aisi hai kee kaale waale bakrre mere abba ke hain... "

'Aur safed waale ?'

"Jee wo bhi"

**Pak_Pace** · 8th July 2008, 21:10

Father to Son: How many millions of times have I told you not to exagerrate?!

**FAM** · 8th July 2008, 21:53

Originally Posted by The WagonWheel

Once a guy goes to a ranch to buy a goat. The owner of the shop had gone out of the city so his son was attending to the customers. So this guy goes and asks 'Bakra kitne ka hai ek ?' - the kid replies -
"Kaala waala jee ki safed waala ? "
'Kaala waala'
"Kaala waala jee 500 Rs ka"
'Aur safed wala ?'
"Safed waala bhi jee 500 Rs ka"
'Doodh kitna deta hai ek bakra ?'
"Kaala waala jee ki safed waala ?"
'Kaala waala'
"Kaala waala jee 5 litre"
'Aur safed waala ?'
"Wo bhi jee 5 litre"
'Kitne kilo ghaas khaata hai ek baar mein ek bakra ?'
"Kaun sa jee kaala waala ki safed waala ?"
'Kaala wala'
"Kaala waala jee - 2 kilo"
'Aur safed waala ?'
"Wo bhi jee 2 kilo khaa leta hai"

The man goes mad by now. He says - "Yaar jab saara kuchh ek jaisa hai to kaale safed ka panga kyo daal raha hai beech mein"

The kid goes " Jee baat aisi hai kee kaale waale bakrre mere abba ke hain... "

'Aur safed waale ?'

"Jee wo bhi"

**WasimG** · 9th July 2008, 08:19

A Pakistani is driving through the country side when he spots a sardar ji standing in the corn fields by himself. He pulls over and asks the sikh if he wants a ride.

Sardar says "No I'm trying to win a Nobel prize".

Pakistani says "How?"

Sardar says "I've heard they give you a Nobel prize if you're outstanding in your field".

**MarathaPride** · 9th July 2008, 08:43

Originally Posted by The WagonWheel

Once a guy goes to a ranch to buy a goat. The owner of the shop had gone out of the city so his son was attending to the customers. So this guy goes and asks 'Bakra kitne ka hai ek ?' - the kid replies -
"Kaala waala jee ki safed waala ? "
'Kaala waala'
"Kaala waala jee 500 Rs ka"
'Aur safed wala ?'
"Safed waala bhi jee 500 Rs ka"
'Doodh kitna deta hai ek bakra ?'
"Kaala waala jee ki safed waala ?"
'Kaala waala'
"Kaala waala jee 5 litre"
'Aur safed waala ?'
"Wo bhi jee 5 litre"
'Kitne kilo ghaas khaata hai ek baar mein ek bakra ?'
"Kaun sa jee kaala waala ki safed waala ?"
'Kaala wala'
"Kaala waala jee - 2 kilo"
'Aur safed waala ?'
"Wo bhi jee 2 kilo khaa leta hai"

The man goes mad by now. He says - "Yaar jab saara kuchh ek jaisa hai to kaale safed ka panga kyo daal raha hai beech mein"

The kid goes " Jee baat aisi hai kee kaale waale bakrre mere abba ke hain... "

'Aur safed waale ?'

"Jee wo bhi"

Good one!!

**nikred** · 9th July 2008, 08:47

Originally Posted by WasimG

A Pakistani is driving through the country side when he spots a sardar ji standing in the corn fields by himself. He pulls over and asks the sikh if he wants a ride.

Sardar says "No I'm trying to win a Nobel prize".

Pakistani says "How?"

Sardar says "I've heard they give you a Nobel prize if you're outstanding in your field".

so did he win?

DM · 9th July 2008, 15:15

great stuff guys, more! Just post!

DM · 9th July 2008, 15:18

Q: What did the child do when he saw a large spider beside his cot?
A: He began to display physiological signs of fear such as tensing of the muscles and quickening of the respiratory rate.

**Indiafan** · 9th July 2008, 15:32

Originally Posted by DM

Q: What did the child do when he saw a large spider beside his cot?
A: He began to display physiological signs of fear such as tensing of the muscles and quickening of the respiratory rate.

Later he devoloped an acute fear of spiders which transformed into fear of everything making him an introvert and a geek. All women shunned him and he ended up as a loser till finally, at the ripe age of 17, he jumoed from the 13th floor of the building he was working as a watchman and killed himself horribily

DM · 9th July 2008, 15:36

that's what I'm talking about

**The WagonWheel** · 9th July 2008, 15:44

This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this
problem with passing gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. It
never smells and it's always silent. As a matter of fact I've passed
gas at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I
was passing gas because it doesn't smell and it's silent".

The doctor writes on a paper " Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know
what you gave me, but now I'm passing gas... although still silent, it
stinks terribly."

**Conventional End **

"Good", the doctor said, now that we've cleared up your sinuses, tomorrow, we'll
start to work on your hearing.

** Alternative Ending - DM Style **

The doctor reflected on his incompetence and rued the fact that he could never achieve what he had set out to do in his life. The thought of committing suicide crossed his mind for a millionth time in as many minutes. But this time he had made up his mind that he could not take it any longer and took a .44 magnum from his pocket, put it in his mouth and pulled the trigger with his jaws wide open. Blood splurted out like water. The little lady - shocked by the sequence of the events, limped out of the office in search of another doctor.

DM · 9th July 2008, 16:06

that's quite remarkable to say the least Wagon

DM · 9th July 2008, 16:16

Not to put pressure, but let's see more Eas and Blaze here too, and other beasties! Especially with our rich record in violent articulation

(ps I caught that one last time before it disappeared

)

**moumotta** · 9th July 2008, 16:30

Santa went to Delhi and was staying with his friend Banta. While Santa was playing with Banta’s son the little kid left a yellow mellow on Santa’s pajama. Banta graciously offered his own pajama to Santa for use.

In the evening the two friends went out for a stroll when they met a friend of Banta. Banta introduced Santa to his friend saying ‘this is my friend Santa a very learned man, has written many books and this pajama he is wearing is mine’.

Santa was very cross and asked Banta why he had to say that the pajama was his. Banta admitted his mistake and on they went.

They met another friend of Banta and Banta again introduced Santa, ‘this is my friend Santa a very learned man, has written many books and the pajama he is wearing is not his’

Santa was even more chuffed and told Banta that he should not talk about the pajama at all. Banta agreed. Santa was introduced again to the next Banta friend, ‘this is my friend Santa a very learned man, has written many books and I wouldn't talk about his pajama ‘.

**Easa** · 9th July 2008, 16:40

What happened to the quiet, unassuming coward when he was confronted with a potentially dangerous situation with the most skilled assassin in the world?

He had his cranium region thoroughly disfigured

**Indiafan** · 9th July 2008, 16:50

When was the only time the stand up comedian recieved a standing ovation?

When the chandlier fell on his neck and decapicitated him

DM · 9th July 2008, 17:46

amazing guys

"cranium region thoroughly disfigured"

**princess_of_punjab** · 9th July 2008, 18:19

An Aunty says to her niece "You're gone really fat"....the niece replies "Ahh that's good, you can share your clothes with me now!

**Indiafan** · 9th July 2008, 18:30

Originally Posted by princess_of_punjab

An Aunty says to her niece "You're gone really fat"....the niece replies "Ahh that's good, you can share your clothes with me now!

Good one, but would have been better if the aunt had strangled the niece after that remark.

**The Blazer** · 9th July 2008, 18:32

Q- What do you call black people on a farm?

A- The good old days.

**Indiafan** · 9th July 2008, 18:33

What did one scarecrow say to the other?

Stop staring at me or I will make mince meat of you

or, If one more of your crows comes my way, I will burn you alive

or, wait till the kids mistake you for Guy Fawke's effigy

or, did you know that the clothes you are wearing was that leper kids'?

DM · 9th July 2008, 18:52

omg

such themes....such themes

DM · 9th July 2008, 18:58

Q: Why did the leopard destroy the zebra?
A: The preceding hours had involved a lot of physical activity for the leopard and this led to a high energy consumption, which through the hunger center of the brain led to impulses to act in such a way as to restore the depleted energy, in this way manifesting as an act of killling, then digesting, the energy-rich organic tissue of the zebra carcass.

**The Blazer** · 9th July 2008, 19:11

**Indiafan** · 9th July 2008, 19:25

Originally Posted by DM

Q: Why did the leopard destroy the zebra?
A: The preceding hours had involved a lot of physical activity for the leopard and this led to a high energy consumption, which through the hunger center of the brain led to impulses to act in such a way as to restore the depleted energy, in this way manifesting as an act of killling, then digesting, the energy-rich organic tissue of the zebra carcass.

Now if you also add HOW the Leopard destroyed the Zebra

**Ralync** · 9th July 2008, 19:28

.

DM · 10th July 2008, 00:34

Q: Demonstrate the methods in which electrons can be shown to behave in two forms.
A: Please leave me alone dad! None of my other friends say they get disciplined like this!

**Idris Gogen** · 10th July 2008, 01:14

I have already posted this joke on an other thread, I will post it again with a different twist.

You know how people in India always brag about themselves, everything they do and have is best in the world. They have the best country in the world, best cricketers, best movies, best scientists, best best best, they even claim to have the best looking people which is joke in itself.
So they decided to start a space program and obviously "the best in the world" The head of their program Mr. Guldas Singh calls a press conference and as usual starts barraging. O you see Amrica is gone to the moon, and going to Mars, Roose is all over the space, O even jpan and cheen are going up, but we have the best scientists in the world and after 10 years of research and hard work we are ready and we are going to land a man on Sun.
O you see we are the best best best Jai hind.
Wait a minute, one of the reporter said you can't go to the Sun, you will get burned with in a million miles of it.
O don't you think we know it we have researched and worked hard for 10 years and figured out a way to do it.

WE WILL SEND OUR MAN THERE AT NIGHT TIME

**The Blazer** · 10th July 2008, 01:37

Want to hear a joke?

Women's rights.

**Idris Gogen** · 10th July 2008, 01:42

Originally Posted by The Blazer

Want to hear a joke?

Women's rights.

Well this is not really a joke, its a fact
women are never right they are always wrong

**W63L35** · 10th July 2008, 02:04

Originally Posted by Idris Gogen

Well this is not really a joke, its a fact
women are never right they are always wrong

Wait till you get married.... and be able to say the same thing!

**Idris Gogen** · 10th July 2008, 02:32

Originally Posted by W63L35

Wait till you get married.... and be able to say the same thing!

i did say that "when i was married"

**switchblade** · 12th July 2008, 05:44

OMG, this is howlarious stuff

*******************
1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit
around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking

3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)

A: Let's not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,Townsville and Hervey Bay?(UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross.Come naked.

8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here & we'll send the rest of the directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

A: No, WE don't stink.

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy).

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.

16. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney & is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

20. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

21. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

**Idris Gogen** · 12th July 2008, 06:50

Good stuff, I am from USA let me ask you one thing. What is Australia?

**switchblade** · 12th July 2008, 09:24

Originally Posted by Idris Gogen

Good stuff, I am from USA let me ask you one thing. What is Australia?

country of vienna choir boys and hippo racing

**pakcricketfan** · 12th July 2008, 17:13

James Bond sends marriage proposal to Brook Shield but she rejected his proposal..

WHY??

coz she didn't want to be called "Brook Bond" after marriage!

DM · 12th July 2008, 17:41

DM · 12th July 2008, 17:51

Q: James Bond sends marriage proposal to Brook Shield but she rejected his proposal..

WHY??

A: Because his male secondary sexual characteristics, such as growth of body and facial hair, enlargement of larynx and deepening of voice, coarsening of skin texture, heavier skeletal structure and development of the testis, was not sufficient to induce biological attraction, nor did she successfully detect a capacity in him to rear a thriving family, so she rejected the proposal.

**the_game** · 12th July 2008, 18:30

Originally Posted by DM

Q: James Bond sends marriage proposal to Brook Shield but she rejected his proposal..

WHY??

A: Because his male secondary sexual characteristics, such as growth of body and facial hair, enlargement of larynx and deepening of voice, coarsening of skin texture, heavier skeletal structure and development of the testis, was not sufficient to induce biological attraction, nor did she successfully detect a capacity in him to rear a thriving family, so she rejected the proposal.

How sad .

DM, I have been bugging everyone at work with the "I don't even care about this f'ing ****" joke ; they all hate me for it now! The horse with the long face AND Aids generated some good response though .

**Hari Sombar** · 12th July 2008, 18:55

What does a white man say when crossing the zebra crossing ?

Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't

DM · 12th July 2008, 19:10

Originally Posted by the_game

How sad .

DM, I have been bugging everyone at work with the "I don't even care about this f'ing ****" joke ; they all hate me for it now! The horse with the long face AND Aids generated some good response though .

I cant get enough of these Game! Especially the "I don't care" one, it's the "he shades his eyes with his left hand" that starts to break me

I tell you I really have to almost meditate before I can keep a straight face when saying them, but that works best for me - just a poker face and deliver. Some people just never get them, but I just keep telling one after the other and most people eventually reach the hysterics stage where anything becomes funny

DM · 12th July 2008, 19:15

What did the white man say when crossing the zebra crossing ?

"Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't." Ok this demonstrably psychotic activity from the caucasian male was witnessed by a passer-by, who promptly telephoned for an ambulance with a view to admitting him into a psychiatric assessment unit.

**Easa** · 12th July 2008, 21:13

Yeah, the "I don't care" one gets me every time, absolute class

**Easa** · 12th July 2008, 21:15

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The chicken had been under weather for a couple of weeks and being "under the weather" when you are a chicken can be a hostile and sometimes psychotically disturbing experience. What for the chicken's mellow demeanor and straight-forward, casual facade, any other chicken would have spontaneously combusted with the sheer inhospitable pain of shackles, this severe. That is why the chicken crossed the road.

**Indiafan** · 12th July 2008, 21:25

Q) Why did the chicken cross the road?

A) It wanted to put some distance between itself and the dead body

or, He saw a good looking "chick" on the other side

DM · 12th July 2008, 21:51

Originally Posted by Easa

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The chicken had been under weather for a couple of weeks and being "under the weather" when you are a chicken can be a hostile and sometimes psychotically disturbing experience. What for the chicken's mellow demeanor and straight-forward, casual facade, any other chicken would have spontaneously combusted with the sheer inhospitable pain of shackles, this severe. That is why the chicken crossed the road.

**Big Daddy** · 13th July 2008, 10:32

larki apnay boy friend

man tumharay liya sub kuch choor sakti hooon

larka

kia kia bataooo

larki sub kuch

larka

maa baap behn bhai ghar sub kuch?

larki han sub kuch

larka

kia tum star pluz kay dramay bhi dekhna choor sakti hoo

larki

moon sambhal kay bat karooo jahil insaan

Laloo parshad jeeee one month bush say english ki traning lekar wapas india aye...

1 din fone aya

laloo jee says

" who is speaking"

dosri taraf say jawab aya

" HUM SUSRA BUSHWA BOLA RAHAY HOON."

Murgi ney 3anday DIye or DUa Ki
K Bachay Naik Niklain
Kuch Dinoon Bad Anday SAy Bachay
NIKlay
PEhla Bacha NAmaz Parthay Huay NIkla
dusra Bacha TAsbhi Parthay huay Nikla
Tesra BAcha NAhi NIkla to Murgi Pareshan
HUe itney main anday k andar say awaz aye ammi main
Aitakaf main Betha Hoon...

2 Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.

Sardar1

ook so many bandages, pakka truck accident case.

Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!

Boy Say To Girl: Totay huay dil sa pyar karoge ya dil tootnay tak pyar karo gay.

Girl Say To Boy: Toti hui chappal sa pitay ga ya chappal tootnay tak pitay ga

**pakcricketfan** · 13th July 2008, 22:37

19 Sardars went to see a film together in a cinema......
Someone asked why they came in such a big group of 19?

They replied: "The film is only for above 18!"

DM · 13th July 2008, 22:57

Originally Posted by pakcricketfan

19 Sardars went to see a film together in a cinema......
Someone asked why they came in such a big group of 19?

They replied: "The film is only for above 18!"

The person asked, why is that?

The Sardars replied, "because it contains strong language, violence, sex references and drug use".

**Idris Gogen** · 13th July 2008, 23:28

A sardar is going to a movie every day for 30 straight days at the same time, so on the 31st day the ticket person at the gate asked him why he is coming to see this film every day.
There is a scene in the movie where this beautiful women taking a bath in the river and as she is coming out of the river a train comes and block the view and when it pases she is fully clothed again.
What so good about this scene?
Sardar replied, I know for sure that this train is going to be late one of these days.

**Ralync** · 13th July 2008, 23:34

.

**Ralync** · 13th July 2008, 23:45

.

**Sparhawk** · 14th July 2008, 21:47

Q. What did the chicken say to the duck about to cross the road?

A. Don't mate, you'l never hear the end of it.

**WasimG** · 14th July 2008, 22:35

Originally Posted by Sparhawk

Q. What did the chicken say to the duck about to cross the road?

A. Don't mate, you'l never hear the end of it.

DM · 16th July 2008, 03:16

Q: What did the middle-aged gentleman do when he lost to a young chess prodigy in a state championship?

A: The middle-aged gentleman swiped away all the chess pieces with his arm, stood up on the table, kicked the prodigy once in the general face region with the toe-end of his Italian leather shoe, jumped on him, then proceeded to religiously beat him without holy mercy with the rook and bishop lodged in between his knuckles, until the prodigy was in a state that one may call being asleep, his alveolar gas exchange notably bereft, his cardiac output conspicuous by its absence and signs of cerebral activity found to be in rather short supply.

**The Blazer** · 16th July 2008, 03:25

Good stuff!

Oxy woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

He stepped on a nail, his wounded got infected, and he died.

DM · 16th July 2008, 03:31

that's very much a most horrid lack of fortune....most horrid

**The Blazer** · 16th July 2008, 03:37

It was a dark and spooky night...

The end.

**nikred** · 16th July 2008, 03:37

Originally Posted by The Blazer

Good stuff!

Oxy woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

He stepped on a nail, his wounded got infected, and he died.

after reading the "desis sitting next to desis" thread i am sure who placed the nail over there.

DM · 16th July 2008, 03:49

Q: Following complaints of headaches, what did the subsequent CT Scan of the head of the experienced mobile phone tester show?

A: A thoroughly ugly array of multiple tumours in his brain, the extent and severity of which was of a magnitude that it actually induced a small audible gasp from the seasoned physician as he viewed the scan in his office, an act which caused the patient to sob uncontrollably and to say some truly irrational things such as "I know, don't tell me, I know", an assertion that can in no way be substantiated as the patient did not have a degree in medicine nor subsequent specialty training required to interpret a CT scan.

**Ralync** · 16th July 2008, 03:50

.

**moumotta** · 16th July 2008, 04:00

Originally Posted by DM

Q: Following complaints of headaches, what did the subsequent CT Scan of the head of the experienced mobile phone tester show?

A: A thoroughly ugly array of multiple tumours in his brain, the extent and severity of which was of a magnitude that it actually induced a small audible gasp from the seasoned physician as he viewed the scan in his office, an act which caused the patient to sob uncontrollably and to say some truly irrational things such as "I know, don't tell me, I know", an assertion that can in no way be substantiated as the patient did not have a degree in medicine nor subsequent specialty training required to interpret a CT scan.

**nikred** · 16th July 2008, 04:00

Knock. Knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow wh...
Mmmoooooooo!

**nikred** · 16th July 2008, 04:04

A guy is sitting at home watching TV. Then there is a knock at the door. And he gets up and opens the door, and there's a snail there.

The snail says "Gimme a hamburger" and the guy gets mad and kicks the snail.

(30 years later) The guy hears another knock at the door. It's the snail... and he says, "What'd you do that for?"

**Ralync** · 16th July 2008, 04:05

.

DM · 16th July 2008, 13:18

Q: What did the president of the youth branch of the Erectile Dysfunction Association do after their successful 14th Annual Congress which highlighted strategies and emphasis on positive outlooks in life, in addition to discussing the current situation in medical research?

A: He killed himself is what he did. He killed himself.

**Indiafan** · 16th July 2008, 13:41

Originally Posted by nikred

A guy is sitting at home watching TV. Then there is a knock at the door. And he gets up and opens the door, and there's a snail there.

The snail says "Gimme a hamburger" and the guy gets mad and kicks the snail.

(30 years later) The guy hears another knock at the door. It's the snail... and he says, "What'd you do that for?"

Afridi is sitting at home watching TV. Then there is a knock at the door. And he gets up and opens the door, and there's a cheetah there.

The cheetah says "Gimme a hamburger" and Afridi gets mad and kicks the cheetah.

(30 years later) Afridi hears another knock at the door. It's the cheetah and he says, "What'd you do that for?

**The WagonWheel** · 16th July 2008, 15:14

1.)Why did the elephant paint its testicles red?

To hide in the cherry tree

2.)What is the loudest noise in the jungle?

A giraffe eating cherries.

**The WagonWheel** · 16th July 2008, 15:15

One day two horses are out running, and one horse always beats the other one. So the slower horse says to the faster one, "How is it that you always beat me?" and the faster horse says, "I don't know, I just take off and start running." So the slower horse asks the faster horse to run a few more races with him so he can figure out what he's doing wrong, and he obliges.

Meanwhile a dog is hanging out watching the whole thing, and he comes up to the two horses and says, "I've been watching you two for a while, and I can tell you why the outcome is always the same."

The two horses look at each other in astonishment and say, "Holy crap, a talking dog!"

**pakcricketfan** · 16th July 2008, 15:35

Munna Bhai: Yar Circuit...Apun ko ek nurse se pyar ho gaya hai.Usko letter mein kia likhnay ka??

Circuit: Bindaas likhnay ka: "Sister I love you" from your Munna Bhai!

**pakcricketfan** · 16th July 2008, 15:37

What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
Take him out for a drag.

**Easa** · 16th July 2008, 16:00

Originally Posted by DM

Q: What did the middle-aged gentleman do when he lost to a young chess prodigy in a state championship?

A: The middle-aged gentleman swiped away all the chess pieces with his arm, stood up on the table, kicked the prodigy once in the general face region with the toe-end of his Italian leather shoe, jumped on him, then proceeded to religiously beat him without holy mercy with the rook and bishop lodged in between his knuckles, until the prodigy was in a state that one may call being asleep, his alveolar gas exchange notably bereft, his cardiac output conspicuous by its absence and signs of cerebral activity found to be in rather short supply.

Sensational

**Easa** · 16th July 2008, 16:05

What was the reaction of the young 18 year old, a promising talent with great potential, when he was given the news of his annual medical check-up - cancers in every region of his body, including a rare form of cancer in the toe-nail?

He started sobbing uncontrollably and did not calm down until a tasty lollipop was placed directly inside his mouth, inducing a sigh of utmost relief.

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