PPCL News - Hawks Attack Investigation Findings - PakPassion

King_Rizzy

A few days ago, the Lightning Hawks team bus was subject to horrific attacks whilst leaving the Burial Ground after their match with Sons of Pitches. PPCL Chairman King Rizzy is has issued a statement regarding these attacks:

Quote:

As you're aware, the Lightning Hawks team bus was attacked, resulting in the bus catching on fire and several Lightning Hawks players injured. Since these attacks, I can confirm that PPCL has conducted a private investigation into the attacks. I am here to announce that we can release these findings now. Make sure you pay close attention to what I have to say, because these findings are shocking.

Firstly, the bus was subject to attacks from two passing vehicles. Both vehicles were Harley Davidson motorbikes. Driving these vehicles were hired terminators with shotguns, both of whose names were Arnold Schwarzenegger, they seemed like twins, but weren't human, they had some sort of robotic elements to them and can confirm they were both T800 Model 101. They fired several rounds at the bus, before the bus caught on fire from an explosion caused by bus petrol after taking shots for the terminators. The two motorbike drivers hightailed from the scene, after saying "I'll be back", suggesting more attacks were likely to be on the agenda. However, I can confirm though, that both Arnie's have been captured and terminated.

Now for the shocking bit. Our investigation shows that these terminators were hired by Lightning Hawks captain kingusama himself. A clever move, because he know's that the T800 Model 101 cannot kill human's. We believe the reasons behind this was to take some pressure of the Hawks captain after their horrendous start to PPCL, he wanted to get some sympathy from the entire world, and potentially an excuse for any further losses. We can confirm that kingusama sent a substantial payment of Rs.92 directly into Skynet's bank account, after negotiating Pakistani style down from Rs.100,000. We believe that this is common for kingusama, to pay just the Rs.92 for anything he purchases. Skynet has also confirmed to us of the booking from kingusama. However, it seems as though kingusama has also paid off the police Rs.92, so it seems as though he will avoid any legal action against his name.

PPCL has decided against taking any action against kingusama also, as it's his team and his players, so he was only screwing himself over, which we feel is enough of a punishment.

In the mean time, we hope you continue to enjoy PPCL. Thank You.

So there you have it ladies and gentleman, it was an inside job from the team captain himself. Why did he do it? I guess only he knows. Many have questioned the credibility of this investigation, however, as it has been learned since the findings of the investigation were released that the entire investigation process was lead by Pakistan president Asif Ali Zardari, who is believed to have taken Rs. 9.2 of all payments made by kingusama. How much truth is in these findings? I guess we'll never know.

Expect a statement to be issued by kingusama in the not so distant future.

**Disclaimer**

The story above is completely fictional, as are all it's characters, any resemblance to a person, living or dead, is merely coincidental.

^^ Yeah I copied and pasted that disclaimer

saj001

Classless stuff KU, classless.

Watsupdoc

KU thought maybe this will change our fortunes?

Square Drive

LOL, haha

Blitz

This sounds like a cover up.

Inswinger

Sounds like there was more to the story than this!

A response from a member of the team who should be prime suspects give the explosive nature of the crime scene!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Typical Stroke

shocked

Fireworks11

usama got busted terminator style lol

Express Pace

Sounds like a cover up by the PPCL executives. I don't believe the Hawks would resort to this.

Inswinger

I want to know how much the Hawks were paid to go along with this cover up.

Blitz

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inswinger

I want to know how much the Hawks were paid to go along with this cover up.

Rs.92?

King_Rizzy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inswinger

I want to know how much the Hawks were paid to go along with this cover up.

Rs. 92

Canistani Hero

Meanwhile, Hawks' captain, KingUsama92 looked agitated by a barrage of questions directed towards him from the electronic media. "How would I know who is behind this, do you think I'd be standing here if I knew?" he was heard repeating thrice. He took a calmer approach responding to questions about the Hawks' poor form. "Are you deeesaponted?" Yahya Hussaini asked. "Not really, I'm ecstatic, it's all going to plan" hit back the skipper with a sarcastic smile

Trying to connect the dots. KU was agitated by the questions. Hm.

Luckily I was at the shampoo shoot

King_Rizzy

That agitation and sarcastic smile was what made us suspicious in the first place during our investigation. Kingusama lead to his own downfall.

Inswinger

KingUsama92 must hold a press conference to clarify everything that has been said here.

Blitz

Theres definately someone behind the curtain.

The way Rizzy ignores our suggestions, its almost like he's being ordered to by someone else higher up.

King_Rizzy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blitz

Theres definately someone behind the curtain.

The way Rizzy ignores our suggestions, its almost like he's being ordered to by someone else higher up.

I think I need to come up with another cover up story after reading this comment

Pakistaniboy

Teammates and the Captain!!

Rizzy I have hired a lawyer, You`ll be hearing from my lawyers now!

Blitz

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pakistaniboy

Teammates and the Captain!!

Rizzy I have hired a lawyer, You`ll be hearing from my lawyers now!

Is it by any chance......her?

Pakistaniboy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blitz

Is it by any chance......her?

Nope, more like Iryna Shaik and Megan Fox!

Canistani Hero

I will wait for KU to respond to this situation. As a loyalist to the Hawks, I hope our captain is clear but I applaud the PPCL, Rizzy and their investigative team for such a quick investigation. Duly appreciated.

I hope Rizzy isn't formulating some sort of conspiracy here.