Time For Altaf To Show Results - A Bakwaas News Exclusive

Time For Altaf To Show Results
- A Bakwaas News Exclusive

Pakistan captain Inzaman-ul-Haq, vice-captain Younis Khan and Coach Bob Woolmer warned team manager Saleem Altaf that now was the time to show results in an exclusive joint interview for Bakwaas News yesterday.


Respect For Altaf

Inzaman was first to speak.
"We respect Altaf, as does every member of the squad. Furthermore his test record speaks for itself. Ok, he may have played around 130 less tests than us three combined and he may have scored 11,000 runs less than we have done but we're really envious of his tally of 46 wickets. It's amazing! Furthermore his experience of being a top test player is really invaluable. By the way does anyone know what he does?"


Altaf is Vital

Younis Khan added that Altaf had been vital in his role of creating disharmony in the camp, and also in relaying messages from forgotten (shouldn't that be injured? - Ed) paceman Shoaib Akhtar to the Pakistani think-tank. He continued "Apart from that I do not know what he does."


Altaf Made Improvements

Bob Woolmer abruptly interrupted "...umm thank-you Inzy and Younis bhai's. No, what we are trying to say is that we have been really patient with Saleem bhai but now time is running out and he has to convert the improvements he has made into tangible results. By the way does anyone know what he does?"


Altaf Shows Results

At this moment a rather visibly surprised Saleem Altaf walked in. Embarrassed by the media attention he hurriedly walked across to Bob and was heard to whisper in Woolmer's ear,
"Bob, you wanted to see results well I've got them. Look ever since I switched to new improved Razz washing powder the whites are really clean and much whiter than before."


Nasty Angry Threatening Imperialistic Bob

Bob Woolmer replied in an immensely loud imperial tone "I'm sick of all this racism I have to face from people like you." Getting even further angrier Bob finished the interview with our intrepid reporter by threatening," If it continues I may have to get away from it all to a place where they don't have racism. A place like..um...er...like South Africa!"