The future remains bright for Team India [TSN]

The future remains bright for Team India
By our semi-Indian correspondent

Karachi: To the simple folk of this world, the visiting Indian team may have been beaten to pulp by their Pakistani counterparts but to the semi blind experts, as the TSN has learnt today, the story is far from over. Speaking on conditions of absolute and utter anonymity, someone very important in the Indian cricket setup has revealed that brave new plans are afoot to create a new Indian team of super heroes.

The unidentified source has described the move as daring and ruthless as the Indian game plan to dismiss Kamran Akmal for a about a hundred in the 1st innings of the Karachi test. According to the plan, the BCCI has ordered a talent hunt for India's next pace sensation by ordering all cricketers above the age of 75 to report to the MRF academy with immediate effect.

As bus loads of hopefuls arrived in wheel-chairs or were carried into the academy by their great grand children, the spokesman explained the top secret training program in more detail, According to this undisclosed source, given the extra ordinary success of Shoaib to unsettle Indian batsman by sheer pace - the Indian board had decided to pursue a similar but slightly different strategy. The idea behind this scheme was to unleash these octogenarian cricketers to improve the current pace battery of Indian bowlers.

As an example, of such a strategic thinking, the special unknown source ( who happens to be the first cousin of the paan walla married to the gatekeepr at Wankhede stadium) said that Bishen Singh Bedi has been chosen to partner none other than the current great fast bowler - Anil Kumble. According to draft game plans, after the opening salvo by this new ball duo, the opposing teams batsman would be overcome with so much fatigue brought on by uncontrollable hysteria, that they will not be in any shape or form to face up to to the famed Indian spin trio led by Irfan Pathan, Zaheer Khan and Ashish Nehra!

As the world of cricket shook with the repercussions of such a strategy, cables of good wishes started to arrive at the BCCI headquarters tonight. In one of these messages, the famed Pakistani cricket thing, Aamir Sohail praised the Indian management for such forward thinking - he said "I would like to congratulate the Indian authorities for tackling the issue of effective bowling attacks and balanced team selection head-on, by looking at the past as opposed to the future. I will now carry out a hunger strike at the footsteps of the Gaddafi stadiium until Bob Woolmer agrees to bring back Mohammad Khalil and I am allowed free passes to the VIP Section which strangely enough, have been withdrawn due to my recent frank statements".

Another prominent Indian person of some minor cricketing intelligence , Arun Laal also greeted this decision and stated that he was sure that Pakistan were scared stiff of this bold Indian move and in typical arrogance continue with their scheme of using talented young players. He further added that thanks to this tremendous move, he could now see a day where India could remain miles ahead of Zimbabwe and Bangladesh in the ICC rankings.


And finally....

In related news, The Mayo hospital for the treatment of mentally unstable people has announced that yet another celebrity patient had checked in for therapy. Pir NangaJan, head of exorcisms and other bladder related issues at the hospital said that a unnamed batsman from the Indian country of India had admitted himself after recurrence of nightmares. In these dreams, a demon wearing Pakistani cricket uniform would be seen hurtling towards our innocent victim and repeatedly throwing a red object (approx size of a cricket ball) aimed at his head. Pir NangaJan described the condition of the patient as agitated and although the patient had described a dream which could well be a figment of his fertile imagination - the experts were at at a total loss to explain the largish dent on his helmet !

As an example, of such a strategic thinking, the special unknown source ( who happens to be the first cousin of the paan walla married to the gatekeepr at Wankhede stadium) said that Bishen Singh Bedi has been chosen to partner none other than the current great fast bowler - Anil Kumble. According to draft game plans, after the opening salvo by this new ball duo, the opposing teams batsman would be overcome with so much fatigue brought on by uncontrollable hysteria, that they will not be in any shape or form to face upto to the famed Indian spin trio led by Irfan Pathan, Zaheer Khan and Ashish Nehra!

im going to fall over with hysteria

I was in tears .....laughing so hard...

This is one of the funniest things, I have ever read in my life...

Thanks Bro.

You really are too much at times. Why couldnt you come up with stuff like this during lunch times when people are actually paying attention

Welcome to PP Bhai !

Thats because I am listening to people lik you for ideas !!!

SO what do you think of the legendary new Spin trio for India ?

Wonder if ur spirits were the same after u lost both the test and one day series 04.Wonder if ur spirits were same when sachin smashed all pakistani bowlers at centurion.Winnig and losing is part of the game.You guys really hate india man, no doubt.But i promise u one thing. This glory of urs is very short lived.

Yaar - read all TSNs ( go to the homepage and check it out )- unlike your bretheren on the other board - we actually know how to laugh at ourselves as well - therein lies the difference between a quality MB such as PP and others.

btw, that Centurion thingy - its a little long in the tooth - surely there must be some newer examples ? oh wait - ok I see your predicament now....bechara...

Th best part is about the unknown Indian cricketer with a "largish dent on his helmet"..

Well done Migster.. You just made my day.

March 2003: Indians future was bright: By March 2006, it will not be that promising: It has always happened in the history...

we didn't say anything...you said hating india your idea...really let's us in on the eyes of the reader doesn't it?

Correct me if I am wrong guys but I have notcied a pattern with our performances as well.
This pattern started in the aftermath of the historic 92 world cup win. Ever since then, our team suddenly raises its game and starts performing incredibly consistently a year or so before the World Cup. All the players seem to get along fine, are fit and raring to go. 96, 99, are prime example. 2003 was not bad either. But after the World Cup passes everything falls apart. Clashes, selections, leadership etc are not consistent., etc.

This is a cyclic process .. Lets hope we do well till and after World Cup 2007.

it doesn't look good for us this time around either...this time we might go into the worldcup only to miss out due to an aging team...we have to rotate the players

players in scope: moyo, inzi, shoaib, rana

aging team?? ur kidding right?? the only aging player we have is inzi.. everybody else should be at the top of their game.. shoaib has easily a couple of years left in him.. What ae you smoking Slugger..
Lets see
the oldest players are
Inzi 35
Yousaf 31
Shoaib 30..

everybody else is in their 20s..



India has Kumble, Sachin, Ganguly, Laxman, Dravid .. all 5 key players well into their 30s..


Sometimes I wonder if you smoke the same crap I do when I can't figure out how to cheat on my taxes, Slugger.

glory of ours short lived?? oye chapar ganju sayal.. we beat ur behind in 86 and u didnt beat us till 04.. u had the desi ashes title for not more than 2 years and we took it back from you..

u have not felt how it feels like to beat pakistan at home in quarter of a century.. and u threaten us with short lived glory?? heck i would be more threated if someone said short lived gullo. cuz i love gullo.. anyhow .. it must be beeching painful to be an indian right now .. i can undastand that.. ask brotha tupac.. yo laterz sucka..

3 players of the backbone of the team into their 30s? inzi will be nearing 37! moyo 33...shoaib 32...rana 31

What a name Miggy- Pir NangaJan!!!!!

Great stuff yaar!!!!!

MR green i dunno what is scarier...that you have too much time on your hand or that your such a damn good writer. You must be a professional writer or something. dude you have brilliant comic timing!

Well done! this is by far the funniest thing ive read in a while!

zarbadast miaan, zarbadast! bhai, imaan say, hasi ruk kay nahi derahi hai. bohaat khooob!

Thanks guys - another chance to read this...

Miggy, you never fail to make our day.

Oye sayal, grow a funny bone !!

Tusee cchaa gaye Miggy Bhai!

Aadab Arze Hai.....Farhad mian...!

Dear MIGGY bhai..
Can i get recipes of what ur wife feeds you (excluding the dandas, litters, chitters, whips, paddles, canes etc.. you know the phainti stuff).. Maybe I need to try my hand at cooking and if ur wife can help me, I hope to develop a wicked sense of humor just like urs... Maybe that way I can land the lady of my dreams..

regards

Hopeless in Houston

Funny man - here's the truth. All my family, including my 12 and 9yr old sons hate my sense of humor !! The only one who laughs at it for some ungodly reason is the 3yr old baby !!

Regards

Hopeful in Bahrain!

Maybe they will learn to live with it like some of us here have over the years Miggy bro.

hehehe.. just kidding.

I am a huge fan of your journalistic endeavors, they inspire the "inner indian/joo/hippie basher" in me.. Everytime I read your TSN articles, I have to go find me some Indians or Hippies.. If I happen to come across a Joo sympathizing Hippie Indian, it jus makes my day.

In a way we can say you are indirectly responsible for the time I got banned from this forum.. I was sent to tolerance camp for two months during that period.. The effects are slowly wearing off..

just read this remarkable piece of writing..

Miggy u have outdone urself.. great work yaar

Thanks guys - just added it to the TSN archive at : http://www.pakpassion.net/ppforum/s...ead.php?t=17389

Do read articles from the past

Also, for the benefit of our genuine Indian friends and related trolls....

The difference between TSN and other material that you may read in OTHER forums is that we never forget to laugh at ourselves as well - TSN has no enemies but its a comment on what has happened in the field of cricket and around it - plain and simple fun - no ulterior motive at all - so enjoy and dont take it to heart !

Hillarious MIG. Top notch stuff as usual.

Good to see an Indian seeing the lighter side of such fantastic work.

You may not know this Farhad but Googles and I know each other from another forum ( no - not the cess pool one ) and he and I both respect each others points of view - that is what true rivalry is all about.