Not Coming Home - [worthwhile read about Eng football team]

Not Coming Home
Published on 04 July 2006 | Author MORAN, Richie.

So once again the most over rated over hyped team in world football go out at the quarter final stage in a penalty shoot out. Once again (and having already received e-mails texts, read teletext and looked at the papers English fans are already in full flow) everybody will be blamed for their demise ranging from those sneaky cheating foreigners (and I don’t just mean the departing manager, although his cheating was mainly confined to off the pitch) such as Cristiano Ronaldo (would love to be at the Cliff in a couple of weeks time, although to blame him for Rooney’s sending off is as crass as the act itself, although it is already evident in fans and tabloids) and Ricardo Carvalho (although the pain from that idiot Rooney stamping on his gonads right in front of the referee looked pretty genuine to me) to said ref, Argentine Horacio Elizondo who was no doubt seeking some form of revenge for the Falklands war.

We want our trophy back (didn’t know that winning it once on home soil 40 years ago with the aid of a ‘goal’ that would haunt Jose Mourinho for life made it yours, although the commentators referred to it with depressingly familiar regularity and various members of the 1966 side were of course prominent with their expert opinions: George Cohen seeming to be the only one who talked any sense) was featured on many a t-shirt. The billboards were festooned with the likes of Michael Owen (trying to look hard, which is hilarious in itself), John Terry (who had 2 of the worst games I have ever seen him play) et al with the slogan “Pride Passion and Belief”.

So step forward the much maligned Owen Hargreaves and Ashley Cole who were perhaps the only two of those pampered superstars who played with anything approaching said adjectives, the rest of the much vaunted Three Lions resembling a pack of stray cats.

The treatment and vitriol dished out to Canadian born, German residing Hargreaves was not only disgraceful (he has won 3 championships with one of Europe’s top clubs, yet some of the comments about him on teletext and the reception his name initially got from the England fans was disgusting) but I believe was xenophobic, jingoistic and downright racist in its nature. This is a man who has nearly always featured when games were either won or lost. He is a holding midfielder (which the self styled best league in the world doesn’t seem to be able to produce, just as it couldn’t a left footed midfielder of note for some time, even though Alan Thompson was brilliant for Celtic for 3 seasons before Eriksson gave him half a game in a friendly against Sweden) who naturally was shunted to right back by a manager who actually makes Kevin Keegan look like a tactical genius (tries to leave several times and gets a rise to 5m a year for enabling the hilariously monikered Golden Generation to be outwitted by the man who should have been given his job three times) and then plays out of his skin when played in the position he occupies for Bayern Munich. Strange that a man slaughtered for not being English enough (oh sorry it was purely based on his football ability) seemed to be virtually the only player who played with the aforementioned pride and passion (and no little skill)!

This leads nicely into the laughable (but increasingly frequent when looking for excuses) assertion that the supposed “world class” Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard can’t play in the same side together (apparently despite being paid around 100k a week each, they can’t take penalties under pressure, indeed Lampard, cows **** and banjo could easily appear in the same sentence in reference to this competition).

I had always thought that the definition of world class was a player who performed consistently at the optimum level for club and country such as Pele (not just the worlds best ever footballer but scorer of 95 goals in 114 games for Brazil and over 1000 at club level) Cruyff, Maradona, Beckenbauer, Di Stefano, Puskas, Baresi, Maldini, Van Basten, Gullitt, Rijkaard, Klinsmann, Johnstone, Larsson, Ronaldinho (although he was a major disappointment in this tournament), Keane, Nedved, Figo, Zidane, Henry (although this magnificent, intelligent and erudite athlete seldom hits the heights for France and has gone down in my estimation since his disgraceful piece of play acting against Spain) and many others.

There are of course others such as George Best (whose waste of talent like Paul Gascoigne was almost criminal) and Ryan Giggs who perhaps never got to test their talents on a truly international stage as often as they would have liked for various reasons.

I seldom remember Lampard or Gerrard having too many outstanding games for England. Likewise David ‘Carlsberg’ (probably the most over rated player in history) Beckham. Aside from the fact that when he went off injured England looked more dangerous with Aaron Lennon (something which was patently obvious to most people I know) than they had done in the previous games with the captain (who really wasn’t married to the manager).Where do people get this “he’s the best deliverer of a dead ball in the world” crap from? The free kick he scored against Ecuador was his first for his country in 3 years. When he played in the premiership, Ian Harte of Leeds United had a better strike rate from free kicks and what exactly have Real Madrid won since he signed (although of course they have sold plenty of shirts and he has had some lovely haircuts and nice tattoos)? Like John Barnes before him it seems his England career was based around one game (his magnificent performance against Greece) and as a captain I actually used to think that his hilariously inarticulate press conference ramblings were in fact a send up. His tears on having to go off injured seem to be the most passionately he has performed for England for some time (although the WAGS seemed to go about their obscene spending sprees with a fair degree of pride, passion and belief) and alongside those, his charity events and his timely announcement that he is stepping down as captain (which should have been John Terry anyway) would appear to a more cynical man than myself to be merely another ploy to keep brand Beckham in the headlines.

Also typical of the hypocrisy of the media, fans and the England manager himself was the treatment of previous boy wonder Michael Owen. He was castigated in nearly every paper (and publicly by Eriksson without a fake sheikh in sight) for his woeful performances against Paraguay and Trinidad and Tobago (where incidentally Peter Crouch’s cowardly hair pull on Brent Sancho for the first goal was as blatant an act of cheating as any other) yet all of a sudden when he (and he looked nowhere near fit, which really does call Eriksson’s selection policy into question, although again most of those who support England found patently obvious) was injured against Sweden the same papers (and manager) who had pretty much written off his career deemed it a tragedy and a blow to England’s hopes of winning the trophy. Messrs Defoe and Bent (and even Walcott) might just have had something to say about that!

So let’s cut to the chase and to rival most of the papers I am going to say of the day England came to Roo. His stamping on Carvalho was stupid, reckless, and could have caused serious injury (not least the chances of the Chelsea centre back fathering children) Aside from the fact that the greatest generation of footballers since 66 (blah, blah, blah, yakkity smackity) and a goodly proportion of the nation (I hate it when commentators refer to all the nation, but more of that later) seemed unable to contemplate victory without him (the obsession over his broken foot was to be generous, pathetic, childish and demeaning) it seems the ‘man’ himself once again was found wanting in the temperament department. There is no doubt that he is a wonderful footballer who genuinely possesses the attributes to be one of the best for years to come (although I rate the criminally underused Lionel Messi of Argentina just as highly).

On a humane level I hope that Rooney does not have to face anything like the opprobrium meted out to Beckham after his sending off against Argentina in 1998. Much as I have little or no regard for the man the hanging effigies were disgusting and those morons who shouted that they hoped his children died of cancer are probably beyond redemption (but no doubt were cheering for him on Saturday)

Rooney has to take the blame as quite simply it was his fault. The will to win is admirable, but he seems to be unable to cope when things are not going his way. Now I’m sure many will point to his age, but if he’s old enough to trouser the enormous wages he is paid (and to pay for sex with women old enough to be his granny) then he is old enough to bear total responsibility (to blame Ronaldo is not only crass and cowardly, but if he did indeed play some part then he has only done the job that myself and many others did not need a crystal ball to see coming) and take the flak that (deservedly) comes his way (and exactly what is he going to fill those pages with in his 12m 5 book deal if he keeps getting sent off)?

As Gary Neville stated before the game there should be no excuses (although Paul Robinson cannot escape a mention for his side splitting suggestion that the dry pitches hampered England’s game) England lost, simply, because as ever they were not good enough.

Their (lack of) tactics were risible, some of the highest paid and much vaunted players in the world, being (as ever) simply unable to pass the ball. The reliance on lumping long balls toward Peter Crouch, Rooney or Michael Owen has long been sussed by just about every nation on earth (who are usually too polite to say so) and strangely enough the only time they played with anything resembling pride, passion or belief was when they were reduced to 10 men(which will no doubt provide characteristic English amnesia for the pathetic displays against Paraguay, T&T, Sweden and Ecuador and will also allow the most subjective football fans in the world, along with Manchester United and Glasgow Rangers to harp on about how they were robbed, would’ve won the cup if not for Rooney, etc etc yawn yawn)

Despite the anodyne, turgid, patronising, neo colonialist, xenophobic, jingoistic, racist ******** spouted by virtually every commentator (Shearer is surely Mr. Mogadon and is Ian Wright attempting to join the BNP?) there was (thankfully) no chance they were going to win. Preston born Mark Lawrenson (who elected to play international football for Eire and for someone who was a fine player is another who talks complete rubbish as does Alan Hansen and his chance to make history) made one of those pathetic comments regarding how the whole of Britain was feeling at this particular moment, which leads to my next point.

Since the start of this World Cup there has been an ongoing debate about whether Scots should support England (they even devoted time to it on Question Time) which has as ever fanned the fire of racism. I find it incredulous (and some of the letters in my local paper would have been hilarious were it not for the racist undertones) that English people actually got so worked up about it. In this tolerant, civilised bastion of democracy surely freedom of speech (and I can hear Blair laughing here) dictates that you can support whoever you like (including Scottish first minister Jack McConnell who publicly announced that he would not support England) yet the English seem to really have the hump about it.

If you’re looking for reasons why have a quick check back through history (even check the words of God Save the Queen and many unpopular schemes such as the Poll tax being foisted on the Scots first). Failing this, had you accompanied me down the pub for the England Ecuador game (and heard some of what I’ve heard when the subject has arisen) you would have heard a multitude of reasons why if I was a Scotsman I would not give England my support in a million years.

The commentary regarding the African teams was the usual patronising “brave, strong, fast, skilful, but naïve and lacking composure” ******** that I am so heartily sick of and with the possible exception of Martin O’ Neill, Gordon Strachan and Ruud Gullitt I am left in awe at the crassness and stupidity of most pundits and experts. Gary Linekers wisecrack about the Poles invading Germany just about sums it up (as does the continuous self congratulation regarding the fact that only a few hundred morons managed to get themselves locked up) and as for Sam Allardyce (is he bitter that he didn’t get the England job?) and Garth Crooks (possibly the most pointless interviewer of all time) …………………………………

The proliferation of foreigners in the Premiership is often blamed for some of the ills in the not so beautiful game (the sheer volume of games being far more of a factor if the fitness of the England side was anything to go by) but yet again without a hint of irony some of those who over the years have disparaged foreign players such as the aforementioned Bolton manager and the ever charming Harry Redknapp (who respectfully dismissed an Ecuador side who were no worse than England as garbage and as ever in this no excuses England harped on about how England would find it a lot easier to play against the better teams, which they might have done with 11 men and some decent tactics) will no doubt as ever be trying to sign some of them, without of course acknowledging that it is the likes of Arsene Wenger, Jose Mourinho, Rafa Benitez, Thierry Henry, Denis Bergkamp, Patrick Vieira, Jurgen Klinsmann, Jay Jay Okocha, Tim Cahill, Cristiano Ronaldo etc that even allow this league to be regarded so highly. Portsmouth midfielder Gary O Neill (who Redknapp tried to offload to Cardiff, Preston and just about everybody else when the majority of fans could see what a player he was) was actually quoted in a paper as saying that England would have reached the final with Redknapp (who seemingly shares the Eriksson ideals of loyalty and hasn’t won too much in his many years in the game) in charge. Is his contract up this season?

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So contrary to the beliefs of Lawrenson, Motson (who seems to lose the plot more with every passing season) my neighbours flying the Portuguese flag (and luckily they are on the top floor as I am fairly certain they would have to replace their windows by now) and believe it not many others, even as an English born ex-professional footballer I am profoundly glad that England are out for a multitude of reasons. As I have stated before (and I actually find it amazing that having mentioned this in my book and in various articles, save for one letter from the FA asking me to cease and desist no journalist has the bottle to pursue this) a former England manager has told me to my face that he (and others before him) were told by members of said FA not to pick too many black players for the national side.

Then again as I have stated there is vile racist abuse that I witnessed (much of it from people who I thought of as friends or at least acquaintances, although in that quaint English fashion after England had recovered to win they of course meant “no offence”) when England were trailing Cameroon in Italia 90.

The St.George flag flying car whose occupants shouted “****ing ******” at me after Portugal had eliminated England on penalties (profound sense of déjà vu) in Euro 2004 (I missed the shoot out on Saturday as I was taking my son back to his mother, but someone driving past still found the time to shout something about “****ing blacks” in front of my wife and 9 year old, which they heard and I didn’t. Obviously he anticipated the result)!

Then there are the Asian lads I spoke to who went in a group of 4 (2 of them wearing England shirts) to watch England v Argentina in 1998 to a North London pub who had to be let out of the back door and ran for their lives because as there were no Argies present the occupants of said pub decided to “kill the ****ing ****’s” instead.

My wife has been abused in the street after England lost to Germany, because obviously having blond hair and blue eyes she must be German (actually her grandfather is, but that’s beside the point).

After England’s opening game against Paraguay some of the behaviour (again witnessed by my 9 year old I was returning home) was disgusting.

Last Monday in my kickboxing class I had a long talk with one of my Portuguese students emphasising the need for him and his friends to be very careful in the aftermath of the game (especially as he said there was no way Portugal would lose). Having lived and worked here for some time he was well aware of that mixture of alcohol and football which has the potential to turn many English people into idiots and expressed concern not least for his works van which has Portuguese number plates. I have not seen him yet, but hope he is ok, likewise the Portuguese residents of Jersey who were predictably set upon after the game.

One of the things that has most disturbed and amused me in equal measure is the admittance by many England fans that the Germans were actually very nice friendly people who do indeed have a sense of humour (David Hasselhoff is a major star there, so they must have a sense of irony). One of the opening passages of my book states “One for many followers of the England football team: many of the funniest and friendliest travellers I met were German”. Yet a number of these morons still thought it was really funny to take inflatable Spitfires and wear air raid wardens’ hats. What does that say about the famed English (and I deliberately didn’t say British) sense of humour? Funny how a nation who bangs on about being supported by the Scots sings Rule Britannia (and the Great Escape is surely ironic as you haven’t managed it yet).

I have had to tell my wife when all the England games took place so she could avoid pubs and the violence laden atmosphere we witnessed on our way to (strangely enough an ex-footballing friends) a wedding reception on Saturday night with groups of English supporters (male and female) clearly looking for a fight.

I have spoken to takeaway owners who have admitted to flying the English flag just to avoid trouble.

Again whenever the fans are featured on the TV (and my brother was at the Portugal game and ever the optimist has a ticket for the final so I will ask him) there were not too many who appeared to be certainly black or Asian second or third generation. In London (as expected) there were significantly more people of colour sporting England shirts, but not too many, and places around the country such as Newcastle seemed to be exclusively white.

I hope to be able to get some figures on this, but I am fairly certain that few if any of those arrested fighting for England’s cause would be people of colour.

Despite the fact that something approaching 25% of professional footballers in this country are black, still less than 2% of black and Asian people feel safe enough to attend games and because of what I hear around me I am still loathe to take my son (who is being chased by 2 clubs as I write this, one of whose manager I would not want him near in a million years)!

Even the presence of Ferdinand, Campbell, Cole (and I believe Sven took a young black fella called Walcott, but I think it may just have been a figment of my imagination) does not seem to make too much difference.

Whilst on the subject of what ifs, which accompany every England exit. If Stern John had put his forehead on the ball England would have been one down against T&T (a game in which converted striker Dwight Yorke passed the ball far better than Becks, Lamps and Stevie G) and how the ref and his assistant missed Crouch grabbing a fistful of hair I will never know. Also were it not for Ashley Coles magnificent challenge against Ecuador, I believe England would have lost that as well. The English sense of humour (or was that arrogance) was again to the fore in their usual pre match dismissal of a Swedish team they haven’t beaten for 39 years (and if you think I am going to stoop so low as to crow about the legend that is Henrik Larsson netting the last minute equaliser then you’re absolutely right, almost made up for leaving my wallet with £60 in in the back of a taxi).

This is a miniscule fraction of the examples and experiences I could relate but having read, listened to and being about during the tournament England winning the World Cup would have been the worst thing that could happen (although the Australians reigning at yet another sport wouldn’t have been too pleasant either). It would only serve to enhance that prevalent sense of (white) English superiority that I see and hear all around me (and I have come close to chinning more than one person at some of the outrageous but sadly as ever predictable racist filth I have been witness to and that’s just the commentators)!

I reiterate many of the letters written and views heard about the Scots were reprehensible and seemingly because I have an English accent people feel it is ok to make racist statements about the Ghanaian and Ivory Coast sides and expect me to concur. People were also quite offended at times when I told them that I did not regard England as “we”.

On the field there was also plenty to disturb me, which added to further demise of the so called beautiful game. Some of the cheating was pathetic as were some of the refereeing decisions (I am sure Graham Poll will be the recipient of many a witty riposte for the rest of his career). Thierry Henry has (sadly) already been mentioned in dispatches as should so many players, the Portuguese being prime examples. Patrick Vieira was denied a clear goal against South Korea and Japan a blatant penalty for a foul by Cahill (who I believe had already been booked) when the score was 1-1 against Australia.

I hope that the Beckham rivalling self publicist that is Sepp Blatter takes action against the disgraceful behaviour of the Argentinean team after their defeat by Germany (how can a team that gave the performance of the tournament against Serbia and Montenegro take defeat so badly and I believe the only answer is a lengthy ban, although of course that is not going to happen).

It may sound harsh, but I believe in light of the recent scandals in Italian football that they should not even have been allowed to participate.

So I can now watch the last 4 teams in the tournament (laughing at how often the commentators mention Rooney, if only etc etc more yawning).

I am saddened that they are all Europeans (I really would have loved to see Ghana and Ivory Coast get the results their football deserved but will be chuckling at the English fans (because so many of them are of course not European) and Mexico would have perhaps been more worthy opponents for Germany than Argentina proved to be.

Many England fans will disguise their own teams many shortcomings by making Cristiano Ronaldo (in conjunction with the ref) Public Enemy Number One, although I suspect his name will be adorned on many a shirt north of the border The captains gone (in my humble opinion, neither quietly or with dignity and around 3 years too late), hopefully no more songs from Baddiel and Skinner (Embrace having produced a footie song nearly as bad as Hoddle and Waddles notorious “Diamond Lights”) and it would seem that the German fan who was interviewed the other day was correct with his assertion that “ football is a game played by 22 men and then we win on penalties”, but hey for all you English fans (who are of course already convincing yourself that you will win Euro 2008,a new chant, “It’s just like watching Middlesbrough”





PEACE

Good read.

Like I said in the other threads: they will now be singing 44 years of hurt until 2010 when it will become 48 and then increase by another 4 every 4 years..