Wedding Reception Speech - Help Needed....

Well the wedding season is upon us and my older brother is going to get married in just under 3 weeks from now in Calgary (1st week of August).....The reception then is the following week in Toronto and my brother and his wife have selected me to speak for 15 minutes at the reception ....So now I have the arduous task of speaking for 15-20 minutes while not offending anyone or making too much fun of my mom who is the official censorship board and will read over the speech and chuck it out if it isn't suitable .....

The problem here is I've never made a speech of this kind, and no confidence isn't a problem, it's just I don't know where to begin....So I ask the expert people on this board who've made this sort of speech for ideas to write and fit it into 15-20 minutes....

what would the speech be about? like what
Hello Lads and Gents! May i have ya attention
I welcome u all for this beautiful evening
2night will be my bro wedding so i tell u all to eat and drink as much a su can and enjoy yourself while ya all r here.
is it gonna be something like the above?

Good question, well it has to be about my brother obviously and perhaps how he really felt about his wife, and not a tirade on Bush

well in that matter i think your brother can help u.if u ask him how does he feel about it?

Yaar it has to be longer than that, that only covers 10 secs.....

i know was just giving a sample yaar. also has the speech got to be in urdu or english?

Not really, we really don't take about his feelings about her.....

English probably, not because of my urdu language skills, but because some people in her family don't speak urdu.....

I did one at my sisters wedding - she is an IT consultant and married another IT person - so I threw in some jokes about what happens when 2 minds get together!!

It may seem a little dry for some of the young guys but given the respect we have in our families, we need not copy Western ideas of best man speeches!

Anyway, here is the full speech - see if you like it!

Thank you very much mig, really appreciate that you posted the speech here.....Excellent speech btw, and since my older brother is a IT person will go well with the jokes and his wife a nurse so I'll have to come up with jokes for that.....I hope you don't mind if I do take some ideas off it.....And your'e right about not going on Western influences, I've read many of those kinds of speeches on various websites, and they could be offensive to families, and hence I had posted to seek help here......

don't invite shezad kamaluddin from calgary to the wedding. he eats too much.

Not on the list that I know of

so they have more than 5 ismailis in calgary? they own (surprise, surprise) a dollar store chain.

oh and zushy ... maybe you can finally meet mona while you're in calgary? how 'bout that, eh??

A lot more than you can ever dream of and so many mosques.....Nope no dollar chain store.....

chubbay...Now if you don't have anything to contribute to this thread, then I suggest you take this elsewhere....

Talk about your brother and his embarrassing moments, bad habbits and ex gfs.

And don't forget to insult his inlaws...

Err thanks for the advice Mona, I don't think however that's a good idea.....

aww ur bro is getting married well maybe its time to get his embarassing moments out and tease him now that he aint gona be a bachelor anymore??

I intend to do that, but not sure if it will pass the censorship board aka my mom....

Can always make some "last minute changes" to the speech.

a good speech that a friend delivered threw in a cricket analogy. it was at another friend's wedding and slowly all the 'boys' were getting married, 'losing their wickets' so to speak, so he went on about how the boys kept losing early wickets, getting clean bowled etc and only a handful were left to steady the ship.
being the eldest brother, maybe you can throw in something about how losing the openers early is a traditional Pakistani problem but remind your parents that your intention is to stay at the wicket for a long time and make a double century ... unless ofcourse they can get the phone number of that lovely girl in the white sari you saw earlier...

Not bad Gasher bibi, not bad at all, I like the analogy very much, I will incorporate it.....Thanks.....Lets hope my mom doesn't do what you said, start getting risthas for me there

Wedding speech ?

i thought it only took place in movies , seriously have never known anyone do a wedding speech in any Desi family yet , (but then again have hardly been to a wedding) .

same here - i guess thats what happens when you become more wester - tho having said that if it means going away from the Hindu culture we have currently in our weddings then its a good thing

i am all for speeches. specially when benazir used to make them.

Cav dear boy, your'e only 13, so therefore you don't have much experience in hearing speeches nor attending many weddings....From my experience going to weddings that my parents had dragged me to had speeches and is more of tradition nowdays, espacially weddings in the West.....

not sure about that geordia , moving away from hindu culture to west ...

dont know which is worse to be honest .

so any wedding speeches planned for your's yet , i hear you getting in line to get martyr

whilst visiting Lahore i got speaking to a few students and the instant Benazir's name was mentioned they remarked that she was fond of a certain act

Dear oh dear, I can't really put up an old Benazir speech now on the screen can I, and even if I did, I would get lynched....Any additions to the interesting ideas already posted, on how to make it interesting without getting phaintied by my mom after

i was martyred a week ago and there wasnt a any speeches

Indeed one day everyone's bacherhood comes to an end, my life sentance too is going to be pronounced soon I'm afraid.....

Ah interesting, sadly there will be some here, and since my brother and his wife nominated me, I have to do it

well then take the mick out of them so no one will ever ask you again in future

I have to get the speech passed by the censor board aka mom first.....

all the very best to you as well then , love marriage or arranged ?

well write 2 versions, 1 which gets the approval of your mum and the other the one thatb you will actually use

or forced

None yet, 5 years to go before I start even thinking about it, but according to my mom it's more like 2 years

How's the paindoo you were supposed to be marrying....The picture I beleive is still around somewhere in the old poutine thread

Too much work

15-20 minutes is too long. Where does this figure some from anyway?
All good speeches are much shorter; in fact 5 minutes is the upper limit if you dont want the listeners to suffer.

It was a ballpark figure suggested by my brother....I think your'e right I'm in process of writing speech and won't make it longer than 10 mins....

10 mins is too long zushy, people will go to sleep if you keep on blabbering about your brother for 10 minutes

What makes you think it's going to be all nice things about my brother

keep making fun of your brother for 10 minutes, include all the childhood memories you can, embarass him totally...and then for the next 5 minutes, praise him and your bhabhi to the skies, end on a good note. Make sure the jokes keep coming though

Yeah just share childhood memories and start off with a light hearted joke. And than in the closing just go on how great they look together, best of luck, and what the future brigns....blah blah blah....

yeah start off with the same old stupid "just flew in from Toronto yesterday ... my arms are still tired" kinda stupid joke that the uncles and aunties over 40 laugh at for 5 minutes. remember, delivery and timing is key.

Yep very true....Gasher mian, how should the speech be delivered in terms of delivery and timing ?( keeping in mind I don't want thappars from anyone after I finish or chappals being thrown at me )

lay bhy

pehlay cover letter, phir resume, phir interview tips aur ab wedding reception speech?! do something yourself zushy!

Abay chal, I do all the hard work okay, and at least I take the opinions presented unlike someone else

Is the wedding on August 5th by any chance? I think I have to go to a wedding on that day.

Nope August 6th....

This is obviously a prank - no one gets married on Aug 6...

i thought weddings couldn't get anymoe boring but wedding speeches certainly take it to another level.

you have sit there and listen to someone blabbering about what a great guy his bro / sis is ? and what a charming spuse they have selected for themselves ??

oh come on !!

And why not ? Miggy bhai, if you don't beleive me then I'll send you the wedding invitation so you can come too... Are you happy

Who said my speech will be anything but boring ?? But I know what you mean, I can't back out of it now, as my brother and his fiance have asked me now to make not 1 but 2 speeches, one at wedding and then reception next week......

well all i can say is good luck zushy. and keep it under 5 mins for the sake of listeners other than ur family