Rasams In Pakistani Weddings...

[Radiance Of Australis]

Its the norm in Pakistani cultures to have a mayoon, mehndi, dholki, in every wedding. Thousands of bucks are spent in these useless functions where it mainly consists of naach gaana.

Why do they have them anyway? Surely if the bride wants to put the yellow goo on her face, she can do it while sitting at home or making a trip to the parlour, isn't it?
Or if she and the ladies in the house need a henna applying session, why do the males in the family have to be involved? For entertainment, a dhol or two is fine.

Its also very sad when people who do not organize such things in the weddings are ridiculed and labeled as "kanjoos". It really is.

Its all nothing but a waste of time, energy and money and the rasams have absolutely no place in Islam either.
Its also the reason why so many girls from poor families are unmarried as their families do not have the money to spend on such extravagant stuff.

All is required is a Nikah and Walima.

[tahaqureshi]

Are you a girl?

Honest question.

[in_cutter]

It's just a cultural thing..a build up for the main day. If ppl have money to blow for such events, then let them

[kkmix]

We don't even have dholki, mehndi and nach gaana in our weddings. However, we do have mayoon but very saada, no show offs. But I know what you mean, people spend tons of money in the weddings and it leaves people with less money in hasrat.

[Radiance Of Australis]

@kkmix, same here.

Originally Posted by tahaqureshi Are you a girl? Honest question.

Yes, why?

[tahaqureshi]

Originally Posted by Super Sixer @kkmix, same here. Yes, why?

lol because I was under the impression girls were the ones who liked all the rasams and stuff? Guys tend to want to keep it simple. Or at least I thought haha.

[Radiance Of Australis]

Originally Posted by tahaqureshi lol because I was under the impression girls were the ones who liked all the rasams and stuff? Guys tend to want to keep it simple. Or at least I thought haha.

Its true.
But its mostly the girly girls that like such things. I sorta have a tomboy nature..and hence am a bit samajhdaar also.

Plus I also don't like fazool kharchi.. I dont like dance and cheesy Bollywood songs played at full blast at weddings. I can't dance to save my life either.

Reasons why I dislike such marriages.

Waisay, when I will get married, I don't want rasams and stuff either. Because I HATE being stared at like a museum exhibit. I really do. And shaadi k waqt toh sab nazrein bride ki taraf hoti hain.
Mai toh aisay bethungi.

[cynical]

They are very enjoyable, add colour and spice to the occasion

[kkmix]

Originally Posted by Super Sixer Its true. But its mostly the girly girls that like such things. I sorta have a tomboy nature..and hence am a bit samajhdaar also.

So you're admitting girls are not samajhdaar...

[Radiance Of Australis]

Originally Posted by kkmix So you're admitting girls are not samajhdaar...

LOL.
Mera matlab inn maumlon mai.

[tahaqureshi]

Originally Posted by Super Sixer Its true. But its mostly the girly girls that like such things. I sorta have a tomboy nature..and hence am a bit samajhdaar also. Plus I also don't like fazool kharchi.. I dont like dance and cheesy Bollywood songs played at full blast at weddings. I can't dance to save my life either. Reasons why I dislike such marriages. Waisay, when I will get married, I don't want rasams and stuff either. Because I HATE being stared at like a museum exhibit. I really do. And shaadi k waqt toh sab nazrein bride ki taraf hoti hain. Mai toh aisay bethungi.

Hahaha I have similar feelings towards the idea of being stared at for hours. Not really looking forward to it lol.

[AZ]

pata nai kya kya rubbish hai...

doodh pillai
joota churayi
maar pitai

but its all in good fun.....as long as you don't bug me to join in.

[AZ]

Originally Posted by Super Sixer Its true. But its mostly the girly girls that like such things. I sorta have a tomboy nature..and hence am a bit samajhdaar also. Plus I also don't like fazool kharchi.. I dont like dance and cheesy Bollywood songs played at full blast at weddings. I can't dance to save my life either. Reasons why I dislike such marriages. Waisay, when I will get married, I don't want rasams and stuff either. Because I HATE being stared at like a museum exhibit. I really do. And shaadi k waqt toh sab nazrein bride ki taraf hoti hain. Mai toh aisay bethungi.

har koi yehi kehta hai...

we'll see on the day itself

[zimmz]

Originally Posted by Super Sixer Its true. But its mostly the girly girls that like such things. I sorta have a tomboy nature..and hence am a bit samajhdaar also. Plus I also don't like fazool kharchi.. I dont like dance and cheesy Bollywood songs played at full blast at weddings. I can't dance to save my life either. Reasons why I dislike such marriages. Waisay, when I will get married, I don't want rasams and stuff either. Because I HATE being stared at like a museum exhibit. I really do. And shaadi k waqt toh sab nazrein bride ki taraf hoti hain. Mai toh aisay bethungi.

For your age you are indeed very samajdar. mashaAllah!
May Allah keep you on the right path.

[zimmz]

On topic, I agree with the OP. Most of the rasams are copied from hindu culture and followed passionately by Pakistanis as status symbol. It is extremely difficult to convince family (ladies mainly) to avoid such things. All life parent, especially the poor/middle class, have to work hard to save money to save face - a social pressure.

When it comes to adopting foreign culture, our people are bad at it. They copy the worst and leave out the good practices. Here in west the marriage is usually very simple and not so expansive. In our country if you request the girls family not to give Jahez, they will get angry with you. How sad...

[Energy]

I do not have a particular liking or disliking for the rasams but there is no genuine reason not to have any sort of activity in weddings since its all done for good fun to enjoy the memorable occasion.

Various acivities please various people and care must be taken to make sure people of all ages are made comfortable, simple as that.

[kkmix]

Originally Posted by Hassam Nasarullah but there is no genuine reason to have any sort of activity in weddings

fixed

[MC]

Originally Posted by Super Sixer Its the norm in Pakistani cultures to have a mayoon, mehndi, dholki, in every wedding. Thousands of bucks are spent in these useless functions where it mainly consists of naach gaana. Why do they have them anyway? Surely if the bride wants to put the yellow goo on her face, she can do it while sitting at home or making a trip to the parlour, isn't it? Or if she and the ladies in the house need a henna applying session, why do the males in the family have to be involved? For entertainment, a dhol or two is fine. Its also very sad when people who do not organize such things in the weddings are ridiculed and labeled as "kanjoos". It really is. Its all nothing but a waste of time, energy and money and the rasams have absolutely no place in Islam either. Its also the reason why so many girls from poor families are unmarried as their families do not have the money to spend on such extravagant stuff. All is required is a Nikah and Walima.

I hope you are not one of those confused Asian Muslims who think that everything Arab = Islam? In case you do, I have a bad news for you, Arabs also have their own share of wedding rasams which also include naach gana and beautification of the bride, the only difference is that they're quite good at male/female segregating at weddings, whereas we Asian Muslims aren't.

[Radiance Of Australis]

Originally Posted by AZ pata nai kya kya rubbish hai... doodh pillai joota churayi maar pitai but its all in good fun.....as long as you don't bug me to join in.

Joota churayi is not as weird as doodh pilai or ainay mai mood dikhai, which are just...

Originally Posted by AZ har koi yehi kehta hai... we'll see on the day itself

Hmm. True.

But, Insha'Allah, not in my case.

[Legal Eye]

Most of what Pakistanis do at weddings are hindu customs.

We had a dholki which was low key, a nikkah and reception (all London) and then 4 months later a valima in Karachi.

Out of all of this, only the nikkah was Islamic - the rest was all customs born out of India which Pakistanis and Indians share.

[Radiance Of Australis]

Originally Posted by zimmz For your age you are indeed very samajdar. mashaAllah! May Allah keep you on the right path.

And may Allah keep us all in the right path. Ameen.

Originally Posted by MC I hope you are not one of those confused Asian Muslims who think that everything Arab = Islam? In case you do, I have a bad news for you, Arabs also have their own share of wedding rasams which also include naach gana and beautification of the bride, the only difference is that they're quite good at male/female segregating at weddings, whereas we Asian Muslims aren't.

Where did I even mention Arabs yaar?
I said Islamic tradition, that is, Nikah and Walima.

And Arabs have their own weird rasams too. But I don't think they have such weird bakwaas like that mirror thing or that doodh pilai

[MC]

Originally Posted by Legal Eye Most of what Pakistanis do at weddings are hindu customs. We had a dholki which was low key, a nikkah and reception (all London) and then 4 months later a valima in Karachi. Out of all of this, only the nikkah was Islamic - the rest was all customs born out of India which Pakistanis and Indians share.

I believe Valima is an Islamic practice as well.

[Fawad]

Thousands of years living with Hindus was bound to influence us muslims. All these BS rasams are Hindu rituals that have no basis in Islam.

[MC]

Originally Posted by Super Sixer Where did I even mention Arabs yaar? I said Islamic tradition, that is, Nikah and Walima. And Arabs have their own weird rasams too. But I don't think they have such weird bakwaas like that mirror thing or that doodh pilai

Seems like you just want to offend and look down on people who subscribe to these rasams, for sake of it, which I think is quite pathetic. These rasams mean so much to some families, its their way of celebrating, enjoying event as big and special as wedding. If you don't see a point in them, good for you, make sure that you don't end up doing those bakwas things on your wedding.

[pakcricketfan]

Originally Posted by AZ pata nai kya kya rubbish hai... doodh pillai joota churayi maar pitai but its all in good fun.....as long as you don't bug me to join in.

That's a new one! Would definitely keep that in mind..

[Khabri420]

Originally Posted by AZ pata nai kya kya rubbish hai... doodh pillai joota churayi maar pitai but its all in good fun.....as long as you don't bug me to join in.

I am thinking about starting a new trend, introducing the rasam of 'moza sunghai'. Kaisa rahega?

[Radiance Of Australis]

Originally Posted by MC Seems like you just want to offend and look down on people who subscribe to these rasams, for sake of it, which I think is quite pathetic. These rasams mean so much to some families, its their way of celebrating, enjoying event as big and special as wedding. If you don't see a point in them, good for you, make sure that you don't end up doing those bakwas things on your wedding.

Seems like you judge a lot.
And people who DO these rasams LOOK down on the people that don't.

Experience counts.

[Energy]

Originally Posted by Khabri420 I am thinking about starting a new trend, introducing the rasam of 'moza sunghai'. Kaisa rahega?

Haha. That's wrong, we should'nt be exposing the groom very early.

[anakwalajinn]

Assalamu Aleikum (happy wala ismiley)

Aaaaah, a shaadi thread. One of my favourites :aikaurdaantpharnewalaismiley)
amirfanforlife knows what I am talking abootz

The whole concept of shaadi is pretty interesting. Sure, when I was a youngsta beauty then it was only to go for the food and look neat. Yes, it was one of the few days where I took a shower (except for both Eid's) Anyway, it was always interesting to see whether the hosts had both chicken AND kabab. And if they had chicken rost AND chicken ka salan. In the later years, some also included fish. However, this has still not been labelled as a sucess. The awaam would always leave some jaggah in their tiddi for isweet dish, but for this youngsta beauty it was all about the kababs, chickens and naan. This reminds me of that one day where me and my bro was at a wedding for around 28 minutes. I had chicken rost if I recall correctly and I am not sure if I ispent more time getting readyz

Okay, coming back to the topics. I have spoken to a few non mahrams on this issue, and they have different views on it. One of my fellow non mahram istudent is crazy about her wedding day. She want's it to be all huge and massive with chocolate fountains and millions of people and all that. So I told her I wan't a simple nikkah and that day after where you invite the awaam for dinner and look good in front of the camirah with isuitz and tiez and ishirtz and ishoez. So yeah, nothing happening there. Anyway I was never hitting on her or going out so don't know why I brought it up =P

But I have discussed this issue with another non mahram colleague of mine, and she said it is up to her parents bla bla how much spending, money, etc. will happen. I told her istrictly that NOZ I will decidez and I don't carez about what yourz family awaamz is telling mez. But yeah, I did not have a thing with her either so yeah...

My oldest sister had her wedding a few years ago, and we had all these 3 days with hundreds of people and most of these rasams that are mentioned in this thread. At that age I did not know what they meant and why we had them and I thought that this is how we roll. When I got older I found out that all iz not well, and one should try to avoid these.

So my second sister is getting married this summer, insha Allah (you are all invited ) and I think this marriage will be kind of in the middle of the previous marriage we arranged. My sister does not wan't to sit and look like a doll as you mentioned and some other stuff that will be different as both my sisters are a bit different in choice and all that

Anyway, I guess it is up to the persons involved. Some have been waiting for this big day and wan't it to be perfect, while for others perfection is a simple nikkah in the masjid with family and friends. I tihnk the best thing is to have understanding between all di buoyz and all di gearlz that are getting marriedz, so that they will not have a fight :trott

Personally, I agree with you SS beta that one should keep it simple
Good thread, as awaam can see I am pretty enthusiastic. Maybe it is the Salt & Vinegar that I got imported through my sister from London that is working on me?

It should be possible to have more than 10 ismileys pr. post boothi

[saqlain]

The weddings in the sub-continent are not just a wedding affair but it is also a form of entertainment. I think it should be seen in the same light. If someone wants to have a good time at the wedding and they want to show it off by spending money, it is fine. There is nothing wrong in spending alot of money, if you have that kind of money.

[Fireworks11]

One pre wedding dholki should suffice.

[anakwalajinn]

yeah lol they are so many of those. SUDDENTLY 100 cars come in your back yard and all di girlz in the carz are getting inside and istarting hihahoha

[Looney]

Used to happen in my family but everyone moved to different places and what we do now is have nikaah done at mosque and then have one big valima aur valime maiN koi kasar nahi chori jaati and now thanks to indian movies , women are getting more creative with the different light settings and the stage ghooming

[KingKhanWC]

you are all invited )

Thanks will be in Oslo for a few days this summer.

I've been to many weddings including Christians(in a church), Sikh and athiests, apart from the Sikh ones the rest have been pretty boring.

I like the weddings in Pakistan and find some of the rassam fascinating.

Brother Jinn can you explain thisto me.

Why do the brides sisters make so much money? They take money after feeding the horse, they take money to let the groom in the house, they take money to let the groom sit on the chair.

In some cases the poor chap is left broke before he even he gets to see his wife.

[anakwalajinn]

Originally Posted by KingKhanWC Thanks will be in Oslo for a few days this summer. I've been to many weddings including Christians(in a church), Sikh and athiests, apart from the Sikh ones the rest have been pretty boring. I like the weddings in Pakistan and find some of the rassam fascinating. Brother Jinn can you explain thisto me. Why do the brides sisters make so much money? They take money after feeding the horse, they take money to let the groom in the house, they take money to let the groom sit on the chair. In some cases the poor chap is left broke before he even he gets to see his wife.

I did not get it? Bride is the boy or the girl? =P It is the girl, right? OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH you mean that money thing at the entrance? Like the sister does not let the boy go inside or something before they give him money?

They can try it on me... I am not giving them a thing!

As far as the Oslo thingy, please let me know as I have a challenge for you

[KingKhanWC]

Originally Posted by anakwalajinn I did not get it? Bride is the boy or the girl? =P It is the girl, right? OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH you mean that money thing at the entrance? Like the sister does not let the boy go inside or something before they give him money? They can try it on me... I am not giving them a thing! As far as the Oslo thingy, please let me know as I have a challenge for you

Yep those sisters of the girl, greedy little things. My brother isn't a tight guy and is fairly well off but was well and truly cleaned out, he to borrow some more as he didn't expect it.

My advice, marry a single child.

Supposed to go over for a few days in the summer, will let you know and seek some advice nearer the time. thanks.

[anakwalajinn]

Originally Posted by KingKhanWC Yep those sisters of the girl, greedy little things. My brother isn't a tight guy and is fairly well off but was well and truly cleaned out, he to borrow some more as he didn't expect it. My advice, marry a single child. Supposed to go over for a few days in the summer, will let you know and seek some advice nearer the time. thanks.

Sure, looking forward tot hat. As you did not ask my challenge is that you have to clean bowl me

While we are at this money thingy, is this Islamic/Pakistani/Indian?
And that "surbaala" thing, how do you write that? When a kiddo next to the dulha get's all the money.

Also on my wedding, I am inviting
One of my fellow non mahram istudent's uncle knows him and I was seriously thinking of marrying her because of that because then I can get to know Fawad Alam

[Fireworks11]

Originally Posted by KingKhanWC Yep those sisters of the girl, greedy little things. My brother isn't a tight guy and is fairly well off but was well and truly cleaned out, he to borrow some more as he didn't expect it. My advice, marry a single child. Supposed to go over for a few days in the summer, will let you know and seek some advice nearer the time. thanks.

So best to go loaded. How much is a reasonable amount to waste?

[Radiance Of Australis]

Thanks for your views here AWJ and co.

Another rasam which is very wrong,is the holding of Qur'an above the bride's head. Where on this whole wide world did this come from? And what benefit does it serve?
Does anyone do this? Story kya hai iski?
Its soo wrong and utter Bid'ah.
I recently viewed my cousin's marriage pictures and videos and I was really stunned to see the rasams. My cousin married a Lahori and it was really strange to see our side of the party at the wedding resorting to such rasams which they NEVER practised in their lives.

I guess it was a way of impressing the sasural waalay :p

[Krishnan]

Lol when i saw the topic.was stunned how rasam there.All we south indians know about rasam is only this

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rasam

[SAPakFan]

Its also very sad when people who do not organize such things in the weddings are ridiculed and labeled as "kanjoos". It really is.

Its all nothing but a waste of time, energy and money and the rasams have absolutely no place in Islam either.
Its also the reason why so many girls from poor families are unmarried as their families do not have the money to spend on such extravagant stuff.

All is required is a Nikah and Walima.[/QUOTE]

I agree with you. Here in SA most people like to follow the western way with the exception of the whole 'i do'. The girl wears white gown & her father walks her down the isle followed by bridesmaids. Many have engagements before the wedding & some have mehndi nights(not all as some don't like mehndi) which is also not islamic but we don,t have that arad thing or the other customs. The older women like to do the meethoo moru(sweetmeats). Then the different groups have their own customs,especially on the wedding day like memons,kholvads, kokni's, miabhais( ppl from diff villages in India)
Alhamdulillah in my family we keep it as simple as possible(@ home) for girls wedding & @ home for boys walimah, hire a tent but not hall which is very expensive here. Also the women @ home prepare most of it. The reason why many others don't do this is the family don,t want to work,everything is hired & bought & the family get to show off their extravagant clothes & not do any work. The ulama try to convince every1 that the smaller the occasion the greater the barakah but they don't listen. People here also like to talk about how smart the wedding was, how much money was spent & who was & wasn't invited,there's always someone to critisize it. You can never please everyone so why bother?

[KingKhanWC]

Originally Posted by anakwalajinn Sure, looking forward tot hat. As you did not ask my challenge is that you have to clean bowl me

lol. Only if you have a helmet on.

While we are at this money thingy, is this Islamic/Pakistani/Indian? And that "surbaala" thing, how do you write that? When a kiddo next to the dulha get's all the money.

Have no idea where it comes from. What's 'surbaala'?

Also on my wedding, I am inviting One of my fellow non mahram istudent's uncle knows him and I was seriously thinking of marrying her because of that because then I can get to know Fawad Alam

lol. Don't tell her you want to marry her so you can meet Fawad Alam, doubt it will impress her.

So best to go loaded. How much is a reasonable amount to waste?

Yep, depends on how greedy the brides sisters are.

[oyei]

Remember this song? lol

[AZ]

what about the co-ordinated dance routine rasam?

people are ignoring that one, very important these days.

[KingKhanWC]

Originally Posted by AZ what about the co-ordinated dance routine rasam? people are ignoring that one, very important these days.

Tried that and came away with swollen hands. Why bring dandiya sticks to a dance party?

[AZ]

you must have tried a very complicated routine

props are never a good idea.