New Cricket Rules enforced by ICC!

[GQ]

According to highly reliable sources inside ICC, new umpiring rules are in effect for the Pakistan v. England third test match (after approval from Shehryar Khan, PCB Chief):

No England players will be given out:

a) Lbw
b) Caught behind
c) Run out

Pakistan will only get wickets if:

a) The ball directly hits the wicket (Pending on third umpire decision).
b) Ball is clealrly hit by the bat and is caught in the outfield (Not applicable if the catch is low and clearly taken)
c) The batsman walks away voluntarily (Very, very low probability)

Furthermore, the following warnings apply:

a) An average of 2 warnings per hour to Pakistani bowlers for running on the pitch (Not applicable to England bowlers).
b) An average of 2 warnings per hour to Pakistani batsmen for running on the pitch (Not applicable to England batsmen).
c) To Danish Kaneria and Kamran Akmal for excessive appealing since it disturbs the Umpires' concentration while they're lost in their world thinking about holidays in the Bahamas.

Special consideration should be given to Collingwood since he's been trying so hard and needs to score runs to show that he achieved a single 50 scored against a world class team like Pakistan in Pakistan to his grandchildren one day. Therefore, all appeals against him shall be denied and he should be provided every opportunity to score a century. Special request is made to Pakistan to consider this request otherwise Darrell Hair might extend his stay in Pakistan for an indefinite period.

[Monsee]

It actually sounds believable, all of it...sad ain't it

[Amoeba]

I always thought that these WERE the rules!