Funny Jokes Thread

[USIND]

Originally Posted by UmarAkmals-fan Teacher: Agar Tum Apni Ammi Ko "MUM" Kaho To Ammi Se Bari Khala or Choti Khala Ko Kia Kahogay? Sardar: Bari Ko "Maximum" Or Choti Ko "Minimum"

[Square Drive]

Originally Posted by UmarAkmals-fan thanks for the appreciation bhai jan ...

No problem yaara, keep it up! Sorry, a bit late in replying!

[velu]

Top 10 Blonde Celebrity Comments

Jessica Simpson on reality show Newlyweds: "Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea."

Paris Hilton when asked to name the British Prime Minister (then Gordon Brown): "I had lunch at his restaurant yesterday - Gordon Ramsay."

Reality show contestant Chantelle Houghton when told by Big Brother she had changed after becoming a celebrity: "I've changed? What do you mean... I've changed my clothes?"

Britney Spears on Japan: "I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa.

Glamour model Samantha Fox on her workout wardrobe "I've got 10 pairs of training shoes - one for every day of the week."

Christina Aguilera has a query about film festivals: "So where's the Cannes film festival being held this year?"

Baywatch babe Pamela Anderson on the secret of her success: "I don't think about anything too much . . . If I think too much, it kind of freaks me out!"

Starlet Tara Reid on fellow blonde Jessica Simpson: "I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist."

Goldie Hawn on being asked to name her favourite kind of films: "Comedy is funny."

Late glamour girl Anna Nicole Smith on suicide bombers: "Doesn't that hurt?"

[UmarAkmals-fan]

SHaruKh Khan Was delighted when he heard Aamir and Salman were jailed.....
.
.
.
.
... .
.
.
.
.
.

















Later he found that they were Pakistani Cricketers................

[USIND]

^

[velu]

good one UAF..
is it a home made joke ??

[kamz]

do pathan ek baar raat ko apne ghar ki taraf jaa rahe thay, raaste mein daaku ne rok liya aur lootna shuroo kya

Achanak se daako ko rahem aaya aur kaha pehle pathan se:

Daaku: oye mara tumhara naaam kya hai
1st Pathan: wai wai mera naaaam Ikhlas Khan hai
Daaku: Ikhlas khan... Theek hai tum surah Ikhlas sunao, tum ko hum chordega
1st Pathan: Surah Ikhlas sunaa ke lutne se bach gaya

Now daaku to 2nd Pathan:
Daaku: Oye mara tumhara naam kya hai
2nd Pathan: Waise to mera naam yaseen hai, lekin pyaar se sab humko kausar bulata hai

[UmarAkmals-fan]

Originally Posted by velu good one UAF.. is it a home made joke ??

got it from FB

[UmarAkmals-fan]

Husband & wife m0vie dekhne Gaye

Husband ne ek Paan lekar Apni wife ko diya

Wife : Aap Apne liye bhi le lete :/
Husband : Koi nai mai bina paan Khai bhi Chup reh sakta hun

[UmarAkmals-fan]

A japanese came to INDIA...

He took an autto to go to the airport

on the way a honda overtakes

Japanese:- HONDA made in JAPAN..... very fast

next a toyota overtakes

Japanese:- TOYOTA made in JAPAN.....very fast

Airport came he asked how much??
.
.
Autowala:-RS. 8000

Japanese:- why so expensive??

Autowala:-METER made in INDIA ........very fas

[velu]

Originally Posted by ElRaja yeh http://windupradio.com/eclipse.htm lol.

Another invention from pakistan.
Waterfall powered refrigerator.



Pic ccpasted from Law's thread

[lonex]

I love this comic


Source:


https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...type=1&theater

[AbdulrazzaqFan]

^lol

[USIND]

Lol @ Velu & Lonex.

[Square Drive]

Originally Posted by kami_kimz do pathan ek baar raat ko apne ghar ki taraf jaa rahe thay, raaste mein daaku ne rok liya aur lootna shuroo kya Achanak se daako ko rahem aaya aur kaha pehle pathan se: Daaku: oye mara tumhara naaam kya hai 1st Pathan: wai wai mera naaaam Ikhlas Khan hai Daaku: Ikhlas khan... Theek hai tum surah Ikhlas sunao, tum ko hum chordega 1st Pathan: Surah Ikhlas sunaa ke lutne se bach gaya Now daaku to 2nd Pathan: Daaku: Oye mara tumhara naam kya hai 2nd Pathan: Waise to mera naam yaseen hai, lekin pyaar se sab humko kausar bulata hai

Originally Posted by UmarAkmals-fan Husband & wife m0vie dekhne Gaye Husband ne ek Paan lekar Apni wife ko diya Wife : Aap Apne liye bhi le lete :/ Husband : Koi nai mai bina paan Khai bhi Chup reh sakta hun

ROFL at both these jokes!

My joke:

WARNING: I do not mean to offend any of my Hindu brothers, it's just a joke.

An arab, pakistani, and indian (hindu) were going in a plain. The plain was about to crash, and the pilot told the trio that they have to jump off the plain.

So the Arab jumps off the plain and says, "Ya Allah, please save me". So he lands safely.

Pakistani jumps and says, "Eh Khuda, mujhe bachale!" So he also lands safely.

Hindu jumps off the plain and says, "Kali maa, humko bachalo". He does NOT land safely and therefore he dies.


While his soul was going up, he asks kali maa, "why didn't you sav me?"


Kali maa replies, "I was putting on fair and lovely".

[Runner Up]

The Story Behind "Ladies First"

Long ago, a man & woman were madly in love. They wanted to marry. Parents didn't approve. they decided to suicide together & planned to jump from mountain. The man could not bear to see his sweetheart fall. He convinced her that he will jump first. He jumped. The Kameeni never jumped. Thereafter all men decided "LADIES FIRST"

[velu]

Originally Posted by Runner Up The Story Behind "Ladies First" Long ago, a man & woman were madly in love. They wanted to marry. Parents didn't approve. they decided to suicide together & planned to jump from mountain. The man could not bear to see his sweetheart fall. He convinced her that he will jump first. He jumped. The Kameeni never jumped. Thereafter all men decided "LADIES FIRST"

lol.. its true

[Runner Up]

A sikh family go on a camping holiday, after setting up the tents, the dad says he will go and find some food, he catches a deer comes back and BBQ's it, he does not tell the wife or kids what meat it is, when they are eating it they all ask what meat is it, so he gives them a clue, it's what mom calls me, one of the kids shouts KUTTA (Dog).

[UmarAkmals-fan]

One spelling mistake can destroy your life!

--

A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to
add 'e' at the end of a word...

... "I am having such a wonderful time!
Wish you were her__!...

[UmarAkmals-fan]

Originally Posted by Runner Up A sikh family go on a camping holiday, after setting up the tents, the dad says he will go and find some food, he catches a deer comes back and BBQ's it, he does not tell the wife or kids what meat it is, when they are eating it they all ask what meat is it, so he gives them a clue, it's what mom calls me, one of the kids shouts KUTTA (Dog).

legend

[USIND]

Runner_up & UA_F - Nice ones.

[UmarAkmals-fan]

Leave Aplication By a Child:

O Mastr ji,

Wen I cum

Rain chhum chhum

Leg My fisla

I Gira Dham

Niche my bag & upar ws Hum
So Yesterday
I Not Cum..!!

[velu]

@ UAF

Seems P_P still likes you, and he forgot ur pathan jokes.

[Ryankhan]

hahahaha. some nice jokes here

[thecricket]

Funny Sardar Ji: Hamne Mobile Marriage Bureau shuru kiya hai:
"Rishtey k liye 1 dabaye, Mangni k liye 2 dabye, Shadi k liye 3 dabye."

Desi Man: Hum Dusri Shadi k liye kya dabaun?
Funny Sardar Ji: Dusri shadi k liye pehle wali ka gala dabye ..!

[USIND]

Lol..good Thecricket.

[Runner Up]

ahahahahahaha gala dabain

[Runner Up]

Kanjoos Father to his 4 children

If you do not eat dinner I will give each of you 10 rupees. Kids decided not to eat and took money and slept hungry. In the morning their father goes. If you want to have a breakfast give me 10 rupees each

[USIND]

Originally Posted by Runner Up Kanjoos Father to his 4 children If you do not eat dinner I will give each of you 10 rupees. Kids decided not to eat and took money and slept hungry. In the morning their father goes. If you want to have a breakfast give me 10 rupees each

[thecricket]

Sardar se kisi ny kaha INDIAN flag may tmhara kia hy Green4 muslim white4 christ orang4 hindu nothin 4u.
Sardar thught n rplied OYE .. ! DANDA TERE PIYO DA AY

[thecricket]

Ek train bohot time baad chali.
Muslim kehta: Ya Ali bla tali.
Hindu kehta: Jai Bajrang Bali.
Funny Sardar kehta: Arre Ali aur Bali, train apni nahi, saath vali chali !!!

[USIND]

Originally Posted by thecricket Ek train bohot time baad chali. Muslim kehta: Ya Ali bla tali. Hindu kehta: Jai Bajrang Bali. Funny Sardar kehta: Arre Ali aur Bali, train apni nahi, saath vali chali !!!

You put funny jokes.

[Looney]

Tution sir: Abey Gadhe Home Work Kyun Nahi Karta Tu?

New Age Student:
Tameez Se Baat Kar Saale, Customer Se Aise Baat Karte Hain Kya?

_________


Teacher: bacho btao CHAND roshan kiyu hai??
Student: kiyu k wo KESC ki pohnch se door hai......

___________________________

Teacher Bachey se: tumharey paas 12 chocolate hain tumne
3 sadaf ko dein
6 maham ko dein
3 fiiza ko

to ab tumharey paas kiya hai ????

Bacha: 3 zabardast bachiyan...!!!

_________________________________

Man at medical store: I need poison.
Chemist: I can't sell u, until u have prescription.
Man showed his Nikah Nama.
Chemist: Sir bari bottle dun ya choti?

________________________________

1 Aadmi TeleScope Se Aasman Dekh Raha Tha
PATHAN B Usy Dehaan Se Dekhne Laga
Achanak 1 Tara Toota
PATHAN Zor Se Chilaya:
“Wah ustad Kya Nishana Lagaya Hai.

[SwingNSeam]

Abhishek's really happy for his child.........














































After all its his first successful release!

[Runner Up]

Originally Posted by UmarAkmals-fan Leave Aplication By a Child: O Mastr ji, Wen I cum Rain chhum chhum Leg My fisla I Gira Dham Niche my bag & upar ws Hum So Yesterday I Not Cum..!!

LOL

[jack_sparrow]

Training k doraan 1 0fficer ney sipahi se poocha …

Ya hath main kaya hai…

Sipahi Hamid : sir ya bandook hai …

0fficer : ye bandook nai tumhari izaat hai tumhari maa hai maa…

The 0fficer to next pathan sipahi….

Tumhary hath main kaya hai….

Pathan : sir ya Sipahi Hamid ki ammi hai aur humari khala hai

[PaPaPak]

Lol at that hamid ki ammi

[Namak_Halaal]

In the past ten years, we have lost

Johnny Cash
Steve Jobs
Bob Hope
Jimmy Saville

So now we have:

No Cash
No Jobs
No Hope
And no one to fix it!

Ho ho ho!

[velu]

^

lol..
But i never expected you to be posting in this thread N_H

[Namak_Halaal]

Originally Posted by velu ^ But i never expected you to be posting in this thread N_H

How comes?

[velu]

Originally Posted by Namak_Halaal How comes?

You are assumed to be a serious guy

[truthseeker1]

Originally Posted by kami_kimz do pathan ek baar raat ko apne ghar ki taraf jaa rahe thay, raaste mein daaku ne rok liya aur lootna shuroo kya Achanak se daako ko rahem aaya aur kaha pehle pathan se: Daaku: oye mara tumhara naaam kya hai 1st Pathan: wai wai mera naaaam Ikhlas Khan hai Daaku: Ikhlas khan... Theek hai tum surah Ikhlas sunao, tum ko hum chordega 1st Pathan: Surah Ikhlas sunaa ke lutne se bach gaya Now daaku to 2nd Pathan: Daaku: Oye mara tumhara naam kya hai 2nd Pathan: Waise to mera naam yaseen hai, lekin pyaar se sab humko kausar bulata hai

lol! I told this joke to my parents!

[Zamee]

Its strange but damn True Fact...
''Laptop speakers are too quiete for Music but too loud for Porn''

[Zamee]

A Fairy saw a lion
chasing a rabbit in the forest. She felt pity n asked lion to stop.
"I wil grant u both 3 wishes"
*Lion-I wish all d lions in d forest, except me be female.
*Rabbit wished for a helmet.
Lion thought- stupid rabbit, wasting his wish.
*Lion- "I wish all the lions in the next forest be female"
*Rabbit askd for a bike.
Lion was shocked again.
*Lion- "make every lion in the world female except me"
*Rabbit grinned, started his bike nsaid "Make this lion gay"!!

[Zamee]

Rajnikant once slapped a Female goat n it started crying....

bey bey bey bey oooo


Today its known as


Justin Bieber....!!! :p

[Ahson Afzal]

Originally Posted by Zamee Rajnikant once slapped a Female goat n it started crying.... bey bey bey bey oooo Today its known as Justin Bieber....!!! :p

Lol

[msd89]

Originally Posted by Pak_fanatics ROFL at both these jokes! My joke: WARNING: I do not mean to offend any of my Hindu brothers, it's just a joke. An arab, pakistani, and indian (hindu) were going in a plain. The plain was about to crash, and the pilot told the trio that they have to jump off the plain. So the Arab jumps off the plain and says, "Ya Allah, please save me". So he lands safely. Pakistani jumps and says, "Eh Khuda, mujhe bachale!" So he also lands safely. Hindu jumps off the plain and says, "Kali maa, humko bachalo". He does NOT land safely and therefore he dies. While his soul was going up, he asks kali maa, "why didn't you sav me?" Kali maa replies, "I was putting on fair and lovely".

How would you feel if i said "I dont mean to offend my Muslim brothers" and post cartoons of you know who or make fun of your almighty.Yes it is offensive,hence you should not post.

[ManHOOS]

Originally Posted by msd89 How would you feel if i said "I dont mean to offend my Muslim brothers" and post cartoons of you know who or make fun of your almighty.Yes it is offensive,hence you should not post.

lol

[Ahson Afzal]

Originally Posted by msd89 How would you feel if i said "I dont mean to offend my Muslim brothers" and post cartoons of you know who or make fun of your almighty.Yes it is offensive,hence you should not post.

true

[SwingNSeam]

Originally Posted by msd89 How would you feel if i said "I dont mean to offend my Muslim brothers" and post cartoons of you know who or make fun of your almighty.Yes it is offensive,hence you should not post.

Agreed.

[Zamee]

Originally Posted by msd89 How would you feel if i said "I dont mean to offend my Muslim brothers" and post cartoons of you know who or make fun of your almighty.Yes it is offensive,hence you should not post.

lol

[Markhor]

An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”

Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?”

The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.”

The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?”

The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”

[UmarAkmals-fan]

A boy goes with his mother in a taxi,

In between taxi passes by a red light area.

The boy asks his mother after looking at the call girls,

Mom, who are they ?

Mother replied: They are waiting for their husbands.

Taxi driver: Why are you lying to the kid ?

He says, son they are prostitutes. They sleep and earn money!

Child Asks: Then mom what happens to the kids these women give birth to?

MOM : THEY BECOME TAXI DRIVERS

[velu]

A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening.
She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks.
"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mom says.


Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's good, innit?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks.
"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mom says.


Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy. "Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?"

"No darling, it's because you're 25."

[UmarAkmals-fan]

Originally Posted by velu A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?" "Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom. "Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks. "Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mom says. Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's good, innit?" "Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom. "Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks. "Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mom says. Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy. "Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" "No darling, it's because you're 25."

good 1

[velu]

@UAF

keeping yourself busy ??
u r not active these days

[UmarAkmals-fan]

Originally Posted by velu @UAF keeping yourself busy ?? u r not active these days

lots of work these days at office because of chinese new year so i have very little time for PP ..but i will be back with full force in a few days

[velu]

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Wine her,
Dine her,
Call her,
Hug her,
Hold her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Smile at her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go the end of the earth and back again for her.



HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked,
Bring beer.

[velu]

Three women escape from a penitentiary. A brunette, a redhead and a blonde. They run for miles and finally come to a barn, they decide to hide in some potato sacks. An hour later a sheriff and his deputy arrive at the barn. The sheriff tells his deputy to check the sacks.

He kicks the first sack with the brunette in it. "Bow-wow!" says the brunette. "There's a puppy in this one!" says the deputy.

So he kicks the second sack which the redhead in hiding in. "Meow!" says the redhead. "Sheriff there's a kitty in this one!" .

So he goes to the third sack with the blonde and kicks the sack. Nothing. So he kicks it a second time. The blonde replies, "Potatoes!"

[velu]

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store
laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's
no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.

The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and
once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of
the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?

So he tells his clerk, "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him
to see where he goes."

Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, starts
cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the
guy.

About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.
"Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.



The clerk replies "Your house."

[velu]

The Perfect Worker

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:

That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report
sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered
lines.

[velu]

Arab student sends an e-mail to his Dad saying:

Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, butDad,
I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, when all my Teachers travel by train.

Your Son
Nasser

Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:

Loving son,
Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stop
embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.

Your Dad
.

[Ahson Afzal]

Originally Posted by velu The Perfect Worker 1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without 3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always 5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended 6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee 7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no 8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound 9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be 10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be 11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be 12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be 13 executed as soon as possible. Addendum: That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

[Runner Up]

Girl: All guys are the same

Boy: Who told you to try them all?

[velu]

Originally Posted by Runner Up Girl: All guys are the same Boy: Who told you to try them all?

Thats very offensive towards girls.

[MVP26]

Originally Posted by runner up girl: All guys are the same boy: Who told you to try them all?

[DHONI183]

An 85 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.

"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his rifle." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a huge grizzly bear appeared in front of him! Terrified, he raised up the umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No."

The doctor continued, "There was a loud explosion, and the bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot the bear."

"My point exactly!" Replied the doctor.

[velu]

Sardarji one
Manager asked sardar at an interview.
-Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replied: P-O-S-T-B-O-X.


Sardarji two
After returning from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife - Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me “are you a foreigner?”


Sardarji three
One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar:
Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!


Sardarji four
Lecturer: Write a note on Gandhi Jayanti
So Sardar writes - Gandhi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanti.


Sardarji five
Interviewer: Just imagine you are on the third floor, and it has caught fire, so how will you escape?
Sardar: Its simple. I will stop my imagination!


Sardarji six
Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre: Sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status.
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

[Ahson Afzal]

^

[velu]

Thanks A_A.
We are the entertainment here

[velu]

An Indian Sardar ji & a Pakistani were in Titanic. Titanic was sinking.

Pakistani: How much the earth is far from here?
Indian Sardar Ji: 2 kilo meter.

The Pakistani jumped into the sea and asked again: ...in which direction?



Indian Sardar Ji: Downwards.

[rash]

The boy said 'M'am, I should b in 4th grade,Ï'm smarter than my sis & she's in the 4th grade'.
The M'am {Teacher** had heard enough of his complains & took the boy 2 the Principal's office.
She explained everything 2 the Principal who decided 2 test the boy with some questions that a 4th grade should know.
Principal: What's 3+3?
Boy: 6
Principal: 6+6?
Boy: 12
& so on..
The Principal asked the boy many ques $ the boy got them right.
The Principal then asked M'am 2 send the boy 2 4th grade.
M'am decided 2 ask some more questions & the Principal agreed.
M'am: What does a cow have 4 of,that Ï've only 2 of?
Boy: Legs
M'am: What's in ur pants that u have but I dont have?
Boy: Pockets
M'am: What starts wit a C & ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious & contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut
M'am: What goes in hard & pink then comes out soft & sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide,but b4 he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge.
Boy: Bubble Gum
M'am: U stick ur poles inside me. U tie me down 2 get me up, I get wet b4 u do. What am I?
Boy: Tent
The principal was looking restless
M'am: A finger goes in me. U fiddle with me when u're bored. The best man always has me 1stn what am I?
Boy: Wedding Ring
M'am: I come in many sizes. When Ï'm not well, I drip. When u blow me,u feel good?
Boy: Nose
M'am: I've a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates,I come with a quiver
Boy:Arrow
M'am: What starts wit 'F' & ends with a 'K' & if u dont get it, u've 2 use ur hand?
Boy:Fork
M'am: Whats it that all men have,it's longer in some men than others,the Pope doesn't use his & a man gives it 2 his wife after marriage?
Boy: Surname
M'am: What part of the man has no bone,but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpin & is responsible 4 making love?
Boy: Heart
The principal breathed a sigh of relief & told the teacher:- 'Send the boy 2 University, I got the last 10 questions wrong myself...

[Runner Up]

Originally Posted by velu A Pakistani & An Indian Sardar ji were in Titanic. Titanic was sinking. Indian Sardar ji: How much the earth is far from here? Pakistani: 2 kilo meter. The Indian Sardar ji jumped into the sea and asked again: ...in which direction? Pakistani: Downwards.

Fixed

[velu]

Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"

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How can a Sardar Kill a Lion? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion:
I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.

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A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he always started reading from the middle.
A friend of his asked why he did so.

It's doubly interesting", said the Sardar. "To start from the middle keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its beginning..."

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[Navdeep Srivastava]

Rash , your joke was epic

[UmarAkmals-fan]

Santa and Banta standing at a museum looking at an Egyptian mummy with 1227BC written below.
Santa : What does that mean?
Banta : Must be his BBM Pin.

[Runner Up]

I got an SMS message from a friend


Yaar Aga Khan Hospital me ek job aayi hai. Salary 1 Laakh Hai. Job bohat easy hai. Patient ko face dikha ke behosh karna hai operation se pehle. You must apply teri job pakki hai

[UmarAkmals-fan]

Dear Lord!
This year u took my favorite actor "Khalid Rauff"
YOU took my favorite comedian "Moin Akhter"
YOU took my favorite singer "Jagjit singh"
I just wanted to let YOU know that my favorite president
is "Asif Ali Zardari".

[velu]

is here to stay

[velu]

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."