|
#482
15th October 2010, 02:32
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Impala seriously this is ruining a very good thread about Savak.
|
|
#483
15th October 2010, 05:28
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Quote:
|
|
#484
19th October 2010, 20:13
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Well, i've decided im going to try and not be homosexual anymore.
Partly to please my family, and also because as we were walking home togther, i looked into his eyes and then i lunged onto his face, and as i did so he lept back and i fell crashing in to the ground. At first he laughed then he saw the tears in my eyes and knew i had tried to kiss him. He shouted you "G*y F****r" and began to kick me violently in the ribs. he then stamped on my nose and spat on my face. I felt humiliated. I feel so devestad and shattered.  (((
__________________
Quote:
Shoaib Akhtar
|
|
#486
19th October 2010, 23:37
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Quote:
__________________
No one likes me cause I am a Paul Heyman guy.
|
|
#488
20th October 2010, 23:50
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
 And i dont think you undertand my sig mate. Pak- 1999-runners up 2007-runners up 1992-winners 2009-winners Therefore two times finalists and two times winners India- 2003-runners up 1983-winners 2007-winners Consequently they are behind pakistan in terms of the numbers of finals they have played in. Which is why i am saying "India you havent got a chance" because i do not want them to reach the finals again. You Understand Me?
__________________
Quote:
Shoaib Akhtar
|
|
#489
20th October 2010, 23:52
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
(So all of this story was a test as to whether to see how homophobic you are)
__________________
Quote:
Shoaib Akhtar
|
|
#490
21st October 2010, 05:27
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Quote:
Im not homophobic aslong as one keeps it to themselves and does not try and thrust it into my face, you dont see straight guys on here saying the things you do but in a female context now do you. You dont see anyone saying" i threw myself at a girl and tried to kiss her and she jumped back" , your test was a farce!!!! You just fished for a bite and you got it and made yourself look an idiot in the process.
|
|
#491
21st October 2010, 05:34
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Quote:
__________________
No one likes me cause I am a Paul Heyman guy.
|
|
#492
21st October 2010, 07:40
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
__________________
Quote:
Shoaib Akhtar
|
|
#493
23rd October 2010, 22:45
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Finally took the most difficult decision. My parents obviously after seeing how badly this whole thing has trickled down to me to the extent i have not been as focused on my job, studies, interaction with family and even some of my friends, had been encouraging me to get some professional help.
Hence i finally gave in to their suggestion and agreed to see a young late 20's to mid 30's psychiatrist who was pretty decent looking (too bad she's married tho). I had an informal meeting with her first and i sort of gauged that it would be tough for me to explain the whole thing from scratch from the beginning till the end so i requested whether i could write down the whole thing for her in the best possible organized manner. So i got down to narrating the whole thing on a document for her, it was so tough to relive everything again, heck i wrote 20 pages and still i couldn't fully express my thoughts, feelings completely. She read in detail thanking me for doing so and requested that i also send her a copy of the FB message i wrote to the chick and i did. She read that as well and then requested that i am ready for the first official counseling session now. It was finally immensely helpful and somewhat relieving to hear someone tell me that whatever i am going through was perfectly normal and that i am not the only client who's gone through this **** or has gone through this ****. Told me obviously that i was in a great deal of pain and that i was feeling completely alone/abandoned/letdown by my friends/family basically people i had trusted and expected a great deal from. She was also like part of the problem of always being there for others, doing things for others every time unconditionally, going out of your way for everyone without asking for anything in return is indeed admirable but it also leads to expectations of reciprocity from the same people in your time of need. Unfortunately in this current scenario, in her view apart from the obvious heartbreak, devastation that i am suffering from being ignored by this crush, the thing which was really killing me was the simple fact that i had after such a long time asked for something for my self alone (from the same people i had done so many unconditional favors from) and the fact people didn't really do anything is what was really killing me inside the most. She said while that is indeed a very good and admirable quality, you also need to realize that unfortunately that's not how the world works (which she knew i had learn t the hard way by now) and one thing which would help me dealing with this source of frustration is to learn to lower my expectations or at least control them in the future from people i met. Then she spoke to me about the whole crush thing and yeah she was honest enough to say that i obviously erred in stalking her unintentionally of course but the fact i approached her (as flawed as it was) was really ballsy/gutsy and its always better than not doing anything at all. Mentioned that she has a few clients (my age, both m/f, even younger, obviously no names tho) who also have crushes but are coming to her in similar situations to mine but they get depressed because they never did anything when it mattered. So on this front, she didnt think i did anything wrong at all. Approaching someone for the first time is really gutsy and not a joke and that a lot of people just never do it. Even mentioned that she has some rich, playboy clients with everything in life, loads of women but still coming to her because they have low self esteem like girls just hangout with me for my money, cars, status but just do not like me as a person. Also went into details about my feelings towards some of my friends whom i feel have been very very insensitive and overboard in terms of showing tough love during this whole phase especially when they didn't do jack to help me when it mattered. She took me to task there and was like that you shouldn't really be taking **** from people. Its very natural for people to be insensitive towards others primarily because it is tough to put yourself in another persons shoes and everyone makes that mistake. She also said one thing i can do is to work on my weaknesses and she identified a few mainly self confidence (which is really low at this point), communication skills (developing the skills to speak and mingle with loads of people), learning how to chill out (was like while its good to have emotions, have feelings, being mature, serious but if you take things so seriously and personally in life, you will always be this depressed down e.t.c). She also advised that i needed to stand up more in my household, make myself heard, be more active, try my level best to make my own decisions, fight for my rights with parents/siblings. She was like fights always happen in all familes, but in our desi culture in most cases they do tend to get sorted out. She personally felt that i tried to avoid conflicts at all costs which allowed my siblings/parents to continue to overprotect me, in my view mistreat me, judge me e.t.c. which in the end did nothing but to alienate me from everyone else in the household. She was pleasantly surprised to see me having battled dyslexia as a kid with great difficulty, done with my BBA and MBA all at 25 years old, having cleared my CFA level 1 exam and could not believe i wasn't flaunting these things about myself. Told her about my further education plans to Canada where i would finally have to handle things on my own without any daily interference from my parents. She felt that it would definitely help me develop myself, improve my self confidence having to survive and deal in a foreign environment. According to her observation, she could tell i was pretty upset/resentful that i never got a chance to go abroad for my undergrad studies after my A levels compared to my other friends but i was finally getting my opportunity now and that i was definitely going to learn a lot over there. She could tell that i was keen to get out of this country because i wanted to run away from everything that reminded me of the crush and the various people involved in the whole thing. She could see that i was going to the gym frequently and according to her "Atleast your releasing your anger positively" and not doing stuff like drinking, hardcore drugs, cutting, 24/7 assylum waranted crying, screwing prostitutes so in her view even if i think or others think i hadnt been dealing with the whole thing maturely/reasonably, "You have been dealing with this stuff like a man who is ofcourse hurt and wounded ofcourse". Normally she says that she only allows her clients to visit her if she feels they need to see her for further sessions or not. So she was like that she felt i needed atleast 2-3 more sessions before i could comfortably be in a position to decide whether i need to see her or not. The whole thing lasted 2 hours, time flew so quickly, it wasnt so bad or embarrasing at all. She applauded me for my courage in accepting the fact that i needed some help and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with my decision at all. Said she would get back to me in a months time. While walking me out the door she was like "trust me this is not such a big deal at all, people have gotten depressed over the smallest of things". I told her my true feelings regarding the crush, that i still think about her 24/7, still have the same curiosity, but i am not in the same college anymore, i already made my move, sent her the fb message (which she liked btw and was like you showed some remorse, guilt for whatever happened, it was obviously not really going to create attraction but you atleast didnt really stalk her like most creeps actually do), she was like always be positive in life, its obviously not right or advisable to speak to her, message her or get in touch with her again because that will look even more creepish/stalkish, just think of it in terms of "its her decision, her loss e.t.c". You have to get on with your life, you cannot hold yourself back, forgo other things, if you continue to get stuck, not progress in your studies, work then that will destroy you even more than this girl could and plus she was also like "Dude, you just never know what could happen tomorrow, maybe you could meet this girl tomorrow, day after, a few years later, maybe you could meet someone else and completely forget this girl, i have seen this happen in most cases and bottom line when you chase something so desperately, it in most cases never comes to you" Told her sometimes i wish i never ever saw this chick ever and my entire world came tumbling down ever since i saw her. She was like why? If it hadnt been for her, you wouldnt be seriously working to improve yourself, analyzing your weaknesses, trying to work on them, you have learnt the truth about your circle of friends/family whom you can really trust, whom you cannot. Whatever doesnt kill you only makes you stronger, your working out in the gym on a regular basis which a lot of people do not do, you actually approached a girl none of your friends had the guts to approach themselves. You have actually learn t some real life lessons from all of this and most probably you have learn t a lot of things about yourself, who you are, who you really want to be and do not want to be e.t.c Phew, today's session definitely helped big time. Finally found someone to talk to properly, analyzing the whole thing on merit, not completely and totally blaming me for each and ****ing everything in the whole situation. I am finally beginning to feel somewhat positive now, am going to get a very good night's sleep now and inshallah start seriously focusing on my studies like i used to a year ago.
|
|
#494
24th October 2010, 01:07
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
So I posted on here a couple of weeks ago about my situation with his girl. At that point, I did not think anything was going to happen but I was determined to give it one last shot. I have always believed that you can not force anyone to fall for you but you can always improve your odds.
Luckily for me, this girl gave chose to give me a chance after I explained to her that I may have been a jerk in the past but I really liked her and was willing to change things around for her. And last night was our first official date. It was amazing talking to her and just trying to get to know each other. Things are looking good right now and while it is too early to say something, I really really hope it all works out.
|
|
#495
24th October 2010, 01:22
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Finally some happy endings. Savak good to hear, what are your plans for coming to Canada (what do you want to do here)?
Let me know if you have any questions or any way I can help (I know I am younger than you, but I do have 1 year of experience on Bay St [Canada's Wall St] in Operational Risk Management and Equity Research).
__________________
No one likes me cause I am a Paul Heyman guy.
|
|
#496
24th October 2010, 09:41
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
|
|
#497
24th October 2010, 09:55
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
My long term plan is to do my chartered accountancy in Canada especially in Ontario, Toronto. I got in touch with the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Ontario (ICAO) and they were like that in order for me to be elligible for the Canadian CA system, you first have to fulfill the following minimum 51 credit hour requirements and take the following courses from a university in Canada before you can start applying to auditing firms for articleships, registering for CA exams. I informed the ICAO about me having done my BBA and MBA from a very reputed Pakistani business school, having taken some of the courses that are a part of their 51 min credit hour requirements. In response they said that they would need to first see my transcripts, degree, course outlines of accounting and related accounting courses before they could tell me which courses could i get exemptions for, which courses would i have to take, which recommended colleges to take them e.t.c. Unfortunately the way it looks right now, it appears going to university in Canada is a bit unavoidable right now, because there are some local canadian courses that i will have to take. How do i get those courses? Well i have to enrol in a university? The ICAO were like you can do a baceholors (completely out of the question), another masters (this would just take max 1 year, not too bad, huge difference b/w an MBA from Pakistan and abroad) or just join a university as a private students, take the required courses privately and get it out of the way (not sure if this is possible). Still exploring all the options. But i am still operating under the assumption i will have to do another MBA. I agreed upon this because most feedback was like u might as well do a Canadian MBA, that will give u more value outside Pakistan and add a lot of value to your Pakistani MBA if u decide to go back to Pakistan. Either way win-win situation. Plus i am dying to experience college life in the west for so long. The CA system in Canada is pretty nice, apparently if you get an article ship, its like a job where you get a full annual salary, rent, accommodation, study fees paid for by the employers, reasonable study leaves, friendly work hours i.e. 9-5 max with enough time for studying, gyming at the end of the day. Best part was doing your article ship and studying at the same time unlike in Pakistan. Right now i am trying to get my MBA transcripts, degree and the course outlines of all the major courses i did in my university for the last 6 years. Once i do that, i can send these documents abroad to get feedback from the ICAO, Canadian university ppl and see my options then. Il give my GMAT in December. I am pretty solid in Maths, Verbal is crazy ass tough at the moment, have to spend more time on it. Cant wait to get out of Pakistan. I need a break from this country, a change of environment and just not be reminded of the last year seeing the same people, same schedule day in day out e.t.c.
|
|
#499
24th October 2010, 17:45
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Hope you do well in your studies Savak.
btw are you from Pakistan or Canada?
__________________
Quote:
Shoaib Akhtar
|
|
#500
24th October 2010, 17:51
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Quote:
Here is a list of accounting schools in Ontario. You should go to their website and be calling their admissions office: Toronto: University of Toronto, Ryerson, York University Waterloo: Wilfrid Laurier, U of Waterloo Others (3 hours away from Toronto): Western, Brock University UofT has some high admission requirements, however Ryerson is probably the least reputable of those listed (not saying its bad). It also is in the heart of downtown (financial district) and you just need to take some odd courses, so look into that. York University is north of Toronto but is connected by subway. Waterloo has some reputable schools. UW is one of the best accounting programs in country, while Laurier (my school) has produced the most Gold medalist in the past decade (top writer of UFE exam in a year). UW will be hard to get into, but I imagine you could get into Laurier cause I always see older people in my night classes who look to be out of school. Anyways contact the admissions office and contact soon because the next term begins in January. Quote:
Quote:
__________________
No one likes me cause I am a Paul Heyman guy.
|
|
#501
24th October 2010, 17:52
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Quote:
Quote:
__________________
No one likes me cause I am a Paul Heyman guy.
|
|
#502
24th October 2010, 17:56
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
__________________
Quote:
Shoaib Akhtar
|
|
#503
6th November 2010, 18:40
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
My baby sister joined a debating society where this girl volunteers. She has briefly spoken to her on and off (i told her not to tell her anything about me because i didnt want my sister to suffer as a result). Anyways, i have been told that she is seeing someone and its apparent that they have been together for a while.
My sister apparently didnt want to tell me because she feared i would get further upset and depressed but she still did. Anyways, its been a whole day now since she told me, i haven't really been too upset about it actually. In fact a lot of things are now making some sense to me, in a way i can understand why whatever happened, happened. Had i known for sure that this crush was seeing someone, i would definitely not have approached her the way i did and most definitely would not have sent her that fb message. Anyways, i am definitely now on the path to recovery. It really helped to meet some really old high school friends of mine after 6 long years and it was fun just listening to their point of view, the funny side of the whole thing and their simple advice "Never to ever spend 8 months just pondering over another girl again because it is guaranteed receipt for emotional turmoil, next time just follow a hit or miss approach but do not waste time and mental peace over a ***** again". I myself cannot understand why i am feeling better now.
|
|
#504
6th November 2010, 21:56
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
On a side note, what a thread, can't believe I didn't come here earlier 
|
|
#505
7th November 2010, 16:17
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Some guys here need a really...nice...kick in the
by Rocky Balboa:Get the hidden message hope it helped
__________________
Gift For True Afridi Fans
|
|
#506
28th November 2010, 14:30
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
So how are you now Savak? How are you coping? What happened with your Canadian universities and your psychiatrist sessions?
|
|
#507
28th November 2010, 19:04
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
Need to move on with my life now and be better prepared for the next one. The only good thing about my life at the moment is my 3 hr daily gym routine and the physical progress i have made, everyone makes positive remarks now especially people who havent seen me for the last 6-7 months so that just keeps me going like anything. As far as the psyc is concerned, i could see her again soon once i find time. Managed to get my official college transcripts, have my convocation in 2 days time, am trying to study for my GMAT and be ready to appear in the exam in the first week of Jan. Finger's crossed i should be out of Pakistan by Jan-Feb. Am about to be posted soon by my bank, so far have been getting a free salary for 3 months because i was under training but now chill period is over. Its difficult to completely get her out of my system, i am going with the flow fingers crossed we never know what happens tommorow, i was so focused on studies and thought every thing was perfect in life, little did i ever expect i would see this girl and go through this phase. Anyways time to prioritize, put myself first while going with the flow.
|
|
#508
28th November 2010, 20:33
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
So I guess, in my case , it was all too good to be true. I have lost my first love and I am beyond devastated right now. I just couldn't help but act like a total jerk and that's what led to this break up. I may be able to cope with the fact that I lost my first love, or maybe not but I can never live with the fact that she cried because of me and that I broke her heart. The fact that I made the girl I love cry crushed me and I don't think there is any way for me out of here.
I have no idea what to do. At this point I just feel like giving everything up and going back to Pakistan because only my family can help me get through this, if anyone. And I might just do that actually. I have repeated tried to apologize to her over the last couple of days but she would not listen or talk to me. With each passing minute, I am starting to sense more and more that it's over and I just am not strong enough to handle. I can't ever forgive myself for whatever happened. I would wish that she was a little more forgiving but to be fair to her, I might not have either if I were in her place. That said , she is my first love, and possibly last because I don't think I would ever able to get over this heartbreak and let anyone else make a place in my heart, ever again. Even though she was white and from a totally different culture, I had even told my parents that how serious I was about and they were also willing to accept it for my happiness. At this point, I really fear for myself as I don't want to do anything that will ruin my entire life from here on.
|
|
#509
28th November 2010, 21:14
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Quote:
 fan be this emotionally fragile ?
|
|
#510
28th November 2010, 21:22
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Quote:
What did you do?
|
|
#511
28th November 2010, 21:25
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Quote:
|
|
#512
28th November 2010, 21:41
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Ye lo Shoaib Akhtar's Fan
|
|
#513
29th November 2010, 12:00
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
I should be the last person to give anyone advice but i can tell that ur atleast more confident speaking to girls than i am. And u were dating this girl, if u really like her keep on persisting and do whatever (moral, legal within social bounds) thing that it takes till u get her back. Its ur life at the end of the day and its ur girl. Do not fall for the ******** everyone else (whether male or female) around u is giving u for e.g. let her go, u messed things up, its impossible now, u can never ever get her because dude honestly speaking people just dont want u to be happy, they cannot stand u getting a good looking chick and will play all sorts of mental games to pull u down, **** them and just do ur own ****, the worst part about all these mf's is that they feel its their right to make sure u dont get what u want just because they got screwed over in life, went through a messed up experience, did not get what they want or are still continuing to not get what they want. At the end of the day, its the survival of the fittest, everyone for himself, u die and go to ur grave alone. Do whatever it takes to get her back.
|
|
#514
29th November 2010, 14:06
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Quote:
I have this reputation of being a total playboy and of someone who only goes after girls for one thing. This is not at all true. So, while she liked me too and decided to give me a chance and date me, she was also very cautious of this fact. Everytime, her friends would see us together , they would ask her what a good girl like her was doing with a guy like me. So she wanted to keep it all a little low key and made me promise that I wouldn't tell anyone about whatever happened between us. I just ended up telling one of my good friends about it and that too because I was quite upset about the whole situation. She had made me promise that I wouldn't tell anyone. But I broke that promise and ended up telling her that I had told someone becuase I don't think you can base a relationship on lies. That was it. She broke up with me over it. At first, I thought she was upset and needed a little time but now I am getting a feeling that I may have lost her for good. All along I think she had been looking for reasons to not like me and I had been really holding onto everything. But now I think she got her one little reason and broke up with me over it. I am beyong miserable at this point. She wouldn't forgive me and until she doesn't I can't forgive myself either, you know. I just feel like giving everything up and going back. I don't know how my parents will react to it but only my family can help me get through this. There are just a couple of more weeks to go in this semester and once I am done, I will decide my future. I don't just want to leave my studies but I am seriously considering taking a semester off and spending some time back home in Karachi.
|
|
#515
29th November 2010, 14:21
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
Cant say what others would tell u regarding this situation but if she gave u a chance first inspite of the reputation u posses then she has something for u. Cant say why she would be insistent on keeping things low key, my guess a prior bad experience, they do screw u up big time. Anyways never say never man, i have seen couples break up over much bigger things and before u know it even infidelity and before u know it they are back together. I would seriously pray that u persist while at the same time showing her that ur not going absolutely bonkers over not having her in ur life. One of my friends would definitely suggest to u something like "Greet her like a friend everyday, say hi and ****, talk briefly and walk off, give her clues ur interested but at the same time going about Ur life normally". Dude, i am pretty sure that u at least have loads of options when it comes to girls and that there are girls who are after u, not every guy has that privilege. With time, she could come around. Being miserable leads to nothing man. I speak from experience. When u cry, u have to cry alone. All the time i have wasted, i cant get it back. Best of luck, hope others who are more experienced can give u much better feedback and advice.
|
|
#518
29th November 2010, 15:48
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Quote:
To me, it sounds like she just care what people think. And what her friends think. And hence, she was trying to hide it and then got upset when you looked for some support (which she has....that is her friends who keep meddling). So in all honesty, if she has to hide you two from her friends who don't like you...then I don't think she is worth it. To her it just seems her friends are more important and no need to persist a girl like that. Also not sure how long you two together, but are you sure it was love or lust? Anyways on side note I noticed these dilemma's are fans. What is he doing to you guys?
__________________
No one likes me cause I am a Paul Heyman guy.
|
|
#519
29th November 2010, 16:24
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Quote:
|
|
#520
29th November 2010, 16:33
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Quote:
Atleast your lucky your parents havent said anything.
|
|
#521
29th November 2010, 16:42
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Quote:
__________________
No one likes me cause I am a Paul Heyman guy.
|
|
#522
30th November 2010, 02:06
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Quote:
At time I also got the feeling that she was ashamed of me but then if I put myself in her shoes, I might do the same because of my bad reputation and you know how girls tend to be extra sensitive about such stuff. And I really am not the one to care for such things, especially when it came to the girl I love. It's just kind of ironic how you can never plan such kind of things. Three months ago, I was single, happy and had no "plans" of falling in love. I was just a normal 22 year old college kid having fun and enjoying all the privacy I had living so far away from home. Three months later, I am single again , unhappy ( actually miserable ) and have just love my first love.
|
|
#523
1st December 2010, 00:58
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Shoaib Akhtar's Fan I might be stating the obvious but before making up your mind about leaving try talking to her again, try even her friends who didn't like you, maybe one of them will talk to her for you, you will be surprised, often even if friends don't like you at times like this they are still great helps.
|
|
#528
19th December 2010, 05:51
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Damn, its been a year and a half when i first saw her, for 9 months i struggled to think clearly and figure out how to create an opening with someone who i did not know at all, had no common friends or acquaintances with, in May i made that suicidal move and now its been almost 8 months since that day.
I just never really realized this whole thing was going to be so tough and the funny thing is its not the rejection which kills you, its the attitude of your so called friend's and loved one's and the cruel awakening you receive that you just cannot trust and rely on anyone at all. There have been good days i.e. when i have gotten busy with my job, mingling with my coworkers, busy with my studies, going to the gym religiously, due to the heavy cricket season re begun to participate more on PP and as a result do not think about her too much. There are the occasional bad days when i just end up thinking about the whole thing, the irreversible creepy impression i gave her, how my so called friends both male/female pretended to be on top of the whole thing and the attitude/demeanor they used to give of being better and more knowledgeable than me when it comes to situations like these back then when i was depending on them and in the end being given the message by these people that it was my fault for having such high expectations from them, my fault that i chose to trust them, my fault for expecting something for myself after going out of my way to do things for these people for most of the times i have known them. Another thing i find funny is people encouraging you to open up to them and when you do, all they give you is tough love like "Your the one messed up in the head, get over it, she just didn't like you man, you need to see a psychiatrist, your a *****, it is not such a big deal at all, just forget about the whole experience and move on, it wasn't a relationship man and therefore you have no right to be so down/upset, you think too much, you are behaving and reacting like a 16 year old". That's what i have received from a vast majority of people and honestly speaking i have just lost trust and faith in people in general. What is alarming is the simple fact that instead of people admitting that they do not have a solution to your issue, don't know what they would do if they were in your shoes, just prefer to be pin the whole thing on you. I no longer feel comfortable getting so close to people as i did previously. Most commonly there are mixed days where you get back to your normal routine, the way you lived your life while occasionally fantasizing about her while coming to terms with the reality that its just not going to happen. I really don't know how this thing happened to me, how i became a victim of this black magic, a year and a half ago i was just a carefree person who just was not conscientious about a vast majority of things, i would do things selflessly for people both family/friends/friends of friends without ever asking for anything in return, i was more accepting of the idea that my parents would look for a girl for me while i would just live my life as i had been, focusing on my studies/job. The news that she already had a bf who she was seeing for the last year and a half only gave me some temporary respite. There are so many guys who fearlessly go up to her, speak to her (in her class and outside her class), guys she chooses to sit with alone, speak too and i couldn't even do a simple thing like befriending her? And screw the BS most people were giving me that you couldn't do it because u wanted a relationship with her, i know lots of people who successfully befriend girls they are interested in and get to see whether she is right for them or not before making the big move. The fact that there are so many people out there who are better than me at this while i am stuck in this rut is so pissing off. Worst part these guys never ever share their secrets. Not sure whether this is a stuck up Pakistani thing because i know a lot of guys who were like me early on, then they went abroad and have now changed completely and a lot of them tell me that it is much easier in places like the US/UK/Dubai etc. I have never ever been so scared/vulnerable before. This girl is long gone now, what if i see someone else tomorrow? What am i going to do then? It is never that simple as this experience has taught me, just no guarantee of the success/failure of any approach. If i go it alone and fail miserably, people will blame me for not relying on others for help and i will get ostracized. If i don't go it alone, people will blame me for lacking balls/guts and for having high/unfair expectations from others. In my 25 yrs of existence, i have for the most part been a nice/caring guy but as one guy recently told me "dude that will never ever create attraction, nobody likes wusses, a girl will automatically know your desperate and know that you wont be able to stand up for her, you seriously need to have some options in your life and you have to treat girls like sluts". I guess there might be some truth in that but at the same time i cant change the way i have been raised. In all honesty, there have been a lot of weaknesses that have surfaced during this entire episode. A complete lack of confidence in myself, lack of communication skills, social skills, risk averseness, inability to approach random strangers. I really wish there was a magic wand formula to fix all of this at once. I really wish i had gone through this when i was a lot younger and was more prepared/ready for this situation at 25. Time lost is time lost, you cant go back in time to change things. Last edited by Savak; 19th December 2010 at 06:04.
|
|
#529
19th December 2010, 05:57
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Apart from the emotional rant up there, things are looking good otherwise. I finally sent all my academic documents to the ICAO in Canada a week ago, finally got all my transcripts/degrees from my university. Was appointed as a relationship manager by my bank so whether i like actively engaging people or not, i have no choice but to do it and to bring business for the bank and targets to achieve.
I have cut down my gyming routine to 3 days a week temporarily so that i can give more time to studying for GMAT as i plan to sit for it in January. I have gone out of my way to support/pep talk a friend of mine who is more or less facing the same situation as me with the only difference being he is actually talking to the girl he likes as compared to me. Surely there has to be something good (even if its not immediate) out of every bad experience. Like one person told me "Dude, how do you really know whether it wasnt necessary? How do you know about what could happen to you in the next 2-3 years down the line? Whether it wasnt necessary or not?
|
|
#530
19th December 2010, 06:24
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
You haven't posted on this forum in a long time. Welcome back.
Still talk to anybody about your experience? Last edited by FastBowler; 19th December 2010 at 06:28.
|
|
#531
19th December 2010, 09:31
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
I have found opening up to strangers much more easier.
|
|
#532
20th December 2010, 04:25
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Alright. Its always better to have someone you can speak to about these situations when you sometimes need to. Strangers are often better than people who know you well because they won't be tainted by past bias of you.
|
|
#533
20th December 2010, 19:45
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
It is pointless to even open your heart to them because either they will end up speaking through their behinds, will just not understand what ur going through at all and worse of all not even accept 1% of responsibility for any mistakes/mistaken assumptions/ ****ed up ideas that they gave me back then and because of the fact i was the guy who took the huge risk of approaching her in a suicidal manner (something none of them had the guts to do or their gf's/fiance's for that matter) they found a convenient way of laying the whole thing on me while conveniently avoiding the question "What would they have done if they were in my shoes in this situation?" In fact the people who i can talk to about this at any time/any place, who cannot provide a magic wand solution to this obsession/crush (which they sincerely acknowledge) and who have patiently beared with me knowing how i feel and what i have been through/go through have been my old High School friends. These are all guys who have had loads of experiences with girls and this has been my biggest lesson in this entire episode which is simple "Taking advice from a conservative/shy guy or girl about getting another chick is suicide, taking advice from a guy/girl who does not have a gf/bf himself is suicide, people are fags and will never ever admit being losers" Its just been a complete shock to me that my perception about all the college friends that i had made during the last 6 years were at the end of the day just users/people who took advantage of my unconditional positive regard and never ever really gave a **** about me. Its my fault, i had indeed seen so many signs much much earlier but i always had a forgiving heart and let it go under the principle "Dont give a damn about what others do or dont do for you, you should be there for everyone and be good to everyone". I was living in a fool's paradise and its sad but another crucial lesson learn t "You can go out of your way for ur friends/loved ones but never ever develop any expectations of reciprocation in ur time of need". I am a very meticulous person, my memory is my strongest asset (unfortunately for the most irrelevant of things too) and in this entire episode i have made a strong note of who was unfairly insensitive to me, who ****ed me over, who went out of his way for me, who did not give a damn about me when it wouldn't have inconvenienced him at all to help out e.t.c. Those in my positive books, i will go out of my way for them because they truly deserve it but those in my negative books, they better watch their backs from now on, i just cannot wait to return them the favor in whichever shape and form and then when it gets to them, i cant wait to tell them "Your fault, you were expecting too much from me, it wasn't your right that i had helped you" There is just no point in pretending. Its so funny, i have spoken a couple of playboys during these last 7-8 months and they have been so warm, welcoming and cool about the whole thing. Best part is that i can speak my mind, talk to them about my stuff, my feelings 24/7 and they do not mind at all, they never ever judge me for it, never ever say anything nasty to me out of frustration and in the words of one guy "there is nothing negative about this whole experience at all, this could just be the catalyst and the biggest turning point of your life".
|
|
#534
23rd December 2010, 14:46
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Hota hai bhai. Its all an experience. Is se ab tum na sirf seekhoge balke shayad shukr bhi karo ke kabhi pyaar hua khwa us se dard hi paaya.
Ishq se tabiyat ne zeest ka maza paaya Dard ki dawa paayi dard-e-bedawa paaya Read your post in the other thread and remembered this couplet.
|
|
#536
18th January 2011, 14:01
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
__________________
You only get one shot.
|
|
#539
18th January 2011, 16:50
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Advice needed : A good friend of mine assaulted someone who was supposedly harrassing his cousin sis. Basically the guy ended up being taken away in hospital. Immediately after the assault my friend phoned me and said he might need an albi, u thought nothing would come of it and said yes. After a few days the cops came knocking on my door whilst i was out, they got my sis to phone me and requested i come down to the station. Basically they had arrested my friend and he had given my name in. Naturally worried i delayed it until later that day By then my friend had been released He said he said me n hin were in town and to follow that script
Hesitantly i went down the station and recorded a false statement over two hours getting more and more worried as the whole thing went on and as i told lie after lie. In the end after the police told me the crime of a false stmnt is greater than the charge n i could get sent down if i lied, i chickened out and refused to sign it saying i didnt wanna get involved in this case My friend when he found out wasnt best pleased and several times over the next yr insisted i help him out and guilt tripped me. I felt sorry for letting him down and said id help him out anyother way but this, i couldnt risk getting prosecuted. Eventually he got let off for various reasons but things have never been same. We hardly talk, whenever i text he ll reply giving a straight answer a few hours or even days later. We never go out anymore when before it was every other wkend. His sis gt married in summer and he sent me a text at half 2 in morn whilst i ws asleep saying to come to nikah at 11 am same day Im getting married in a few months, hes known for the last yr Not once has he texted or rang to ask questions, whens date etc etc The question i wanna ask is this my own fault for letting a mate down?
__________________
If pakistan cricket is to move forward they need to stop going back
Last edited by Zaz; 18th January 2011 at 17:02.
|
|
#540
18th January 2011, 18:16
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
Though in my case, i didn't even order my so called friends (male and females included) to help me out in the pursuit of the girl like everyone over here is thinking i did (in fact it is something i regret now, i should have been more aggressive from the very beginning to see whether they were really competent for the task or was it just their ego which was preventing them from admitting that their entire show of having awesome social skills, of striking conversations, friendships with every hot/cute girl around, of being very confident was nothing but a sham). Bottom line what i politely but non aggressively requested for was not illegal and had no risk of prosecution and was certainly not illegal. Sorry for talking about myself or my story given the seriousness of your experience but i think i can tell you one of the many crucial things i have learn t. At the end of the day, there are no such thing as best friends. You might be with a group of guys for 6-10-12 long years and don't socialize outside this group but they are not your best friends, they wont go out of your way for you as much as you need them too even if its not asking too much from them. I would advise always keep options as far as friends are concerned, don't get too close to anyone group, keep making new friends, try not to have very high expectations from the beginning, being social is much better and more rewarding than being a shy loner always dependent on a certain circle of friends. Why this is important? Because if lets say you have a very serious fight with your so called best friends (not entirely or even most of ur fault) and hence they shun you, give you the cold silent, uncaring treatment, you wont have anyone to hang out or chill with and in most cases u will be dependent on them. Trust me, this is no way to live life. Another thing bro, you can be the nicest guy on the planet, gods gift to mankind, you may hardly have ever done any wrong to anyone, in fact you may always have gone out of your way to help others your entire life. It doesn't create any attraction, in fact when you need something in return from people and they don't even bother to help you they will be like "Its your problem if u were expecting us to help you, you cant force ur values on us etc". Even if u regularly help people all ur life in kindness, niceness, in good faith there comes a point where u expect something in return, some reciprocation and when it doesn't happen it breaks you completely and you will be so dissapointed with the entire world. Bottom line, i agree with what one poster said, help only those who deserve it and who know the value of it. What i have started doing of late is making a list of people who have gone out of their way to help me (inconveniently but selflessly so that i never ever forget and hence hurt them) and a list of people (who i have done many favors for but who did not even give a damn/bother to help me for the smallest of things even if it would not have cost them or inconvenienced them once). Once u have this list in order, start treating people according. As far as this situation is concerned, what i would definitely have done if i was in your shoes (u don't have to do this btw, its your life and u should make ur own decisions in life, not a friends/family members, we all tend to ask for others opinions/advice when we doubt ourselves but its time to get past all that and make one's own decisions confidently). I would pour my heart out to this friend of urs in an sms, email, fb message or even in person, apologizing for not being able to do what he asked me to do back while explaining to him that i was risking prosecution and i couldn't do it. Congratulating him on his sister getting married etc. Bottom line dude it doesn't matter what the guy says, feels, responds, doesn't respond. He is not a chick, u would do a nice thing by making an attempt to break the ice and patch up with him but if he doesn't respond then **** him, its his loss, he is insignificant, your first primary duty is towards yourself, he is not the only person on this planet, there are tons of people out there. If you were in shambles, indecisive, worried, depressed over a girl i would totally understand and wouldn't advise you, but all this over a guy? **** that!!. Last edited by Savak; 18th January 2011 at 18:22.
|
|
#541
18th January 2011, 18:31
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
If he wants to be that way fine, ive not lost any sleep over it and wont going forward. Just wanna clear any last traces of guilt i may have in my head
__________________
If pakistan cricket is to move forward they need to stop going back
|
|
#543
18th January 2011, 19:59
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
You and your friend arranged an alibi which involved that he was with you or something? In that case, it was your fault if you didn't tell him straight up that you didn't think you could do it, otherwise you should have followed through instead of getting scared and not signing your statement. Instead you let your friend down at an important time, rather than telling him beforehand or else following through as you should have done. But also your friend I think has reacted a little harshly towards you, I think you were in the wrong originally but it was not so much that your friend should keep such strained relations with you.
|
|
#544
18th January 2011, 20:11
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
__________________
If pakistan cricket is to move forward they need to stop going back
|
|
#545
18th January 2011, 23:49
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Quote:
And Savak, you have got to stop writing page long replies, and bringing up girls, crying over them, every chance you get, even when the topic has nothing to do with them. You like Akhtar , yet you cry like Akhtaree Begum all the time
__________________
Ghareeb saray mar gaye Kiun kai, zinda hai bhutto zinda hai Last edited by waqar_ahmad; 18th January 2011 at 23:50.
|
|
#546
18th January 2011, 23:59
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
No, he should have helped his friend, especially when his friend had come to him before and they had agreed about it.
|
|
#547
19th January 2011, 06:49
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
I am going to say and write whatever i want, this thread is about girls. People like you just like to make fun of others and take pride in their misery but will never ever mention anything positive/constructive.
|
|
#548
19th January 2011, 06:50
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
|
|
#549
19th January 2011, 11:46
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Zaz your friend is an idiot, its good that you no longer hang out with a guy that's willing to get his friend put into jail to save his own ass. Recording a false statement is a serious criminal offence.
__________________
He is fundamentally aware of his aura within the team. His exhilaration infects them.
|
|
#550
19th January 2011, 12:01
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
^ Exactly, he's not much of a friend then is he?
|
|
#552
19th January 2011, 17:02
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Btw, i have been wanting to ask this question, is it justified to fall head and shoulders over a girl you dont know and is a complete stranger? Is it inexcusable? How often does it happen?
Most of the people just cannot understand how did i end up becoming so caught up with one person, so obsessed when i didnt even know her and they keep taking me to task for it. Must admit i am clueless to give any proper answer to them because i cannot understand this whole thing myself and what makes me feel like an even bigger low life is when people (from both sexes) keep hammering to me that i have no reason to feel down, upset, depressed, bitter because i was never in a relationship/friendship with her and if i was then i would have every reason to feel the way i am feeling right now and hence going on a drunken, drug use, sleeping around etc I have more or less given up trying to explain my point of view and how i really feel to most people. No point in wasting time on others who over confidently think it can never ever happen to them.
|
|
#553
19th January 2011, 17:03
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
|
|
#555
19th January 2011, 17:09
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Savak
Write a book, poetry, be creative. This is the best time to be creative. Paragraphs on a cricket forum, urgh. bad choice. People can only enjoy your tragedy, they cannot understand it.
__________________
NO SIG, ONLY GOLA GANDA
|
|
#556
19th January 2011, 17:17
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Quote:
The bold part... would she do the same for you? Would she be this depressed? I know it’s hard to get over it etc, but sometimes you need to force yourself because you might be doing a lot for her but ask yourself this, is she doing that for you as well? I know this girl who actually argued with her Mum and chose her boyfriend over her parents because she trusted him... and then the boy ended up telling her to eff off... everything she did for him wasn’t worth it, but she didn’t realise at the time because she was in love with him. And then that boy, had the guts to speak to her after a year like he’d done nothing wrong... kmt.
|
|
#557
19th January 2011, 18:17
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
__________________
If pakistan cricket is to move forward they need to stop going back
|
|
#558
19th January 2011, 18:24
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
__________________
In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
|
|
#559
19th January 2011, 18:25
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
|
Quote:
__________________
In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
|
|
#560
19th January 2011, 18:49
|
||||||
|
||||||
|
Savak, hoestly I have been following this thread as a lurked and you come across as a looser. You need to man up as it's only a girl issue and your like 25,26 years old. Why do you hive a toss about a girl who doesn't give a crap about you...allow her. I can't believe you went to DRs over thi matter like come on man. Your obsession with the girl is so unhealthy.
My 2 cents...and yes, girls came into my life and went but did I care...HELL NO.
|
 |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
How is everyone?
Linear Mode
