On Being an Ex-Expatriate

[kablooee87]

I was doing a google search looking for some stats on Pakistani expatriates and came across this article. It's really old (dated 1998) but it is a very good read and I don't think things have really changed all that much.

On Being an Ex-Expatriate If you want to convince people that you're insane, tell them you're moving back to Pakistan. When I told people that I had come back to Pakistan after six years of college, graduate school, and work, I always received one of two replies. "Yes, I know, life out there is tough, especially for girls." The other: "Are you crazy?!?!" So my decision to come back to Pakistan was based neither on logic, reason, or simple desire. It was either that something was fundamentally wrong with me - I wasn't tough enough to brave it out - or that I was mentally unstable. I went to America at the age of seventeen, kicking and screaming the whole way. Dammit, I was going to go! Everyone else in my class was going! I wanted the freedom! I was smart, I deserved to go! Nothing could hold me back. I had enough energy in me to propel a rocket to the moon. I fought my conservative zamindar father, my overprotective nervous mother, and I made it to America. Four years of college became one year of graduate school became a full-time job and a house and a car. I was living the American dream. Except that sometimes the dream, which I'd worked so hard to make a reality, wasn't so pleasant. I found myself alone on holidays. I found myself lonely. I was cold all the time. I burst into tears for no apparent reason in the evenings, right after the sun had gone down. When I was sick, I had to take myself to the doctor all by myself. This despite the mountains of friends I'd made in school? Things changed once I was working and commuting and living in a cold impersonal apartment block. I was stubborn, and more than a little foolish. I would never have admitted that I was sad and missing home. But when things went really wrong for me - two significant relationships in my life failed, among other things - home was the first and the only place I thought of going. It took one month to wrap everything up and then I was on a plane out of Logan Airport and on my way home. Did I make up my mind too quickly? Did I make a mistake in leaving so fast? I didn't think so. After six years in 'exile', the need to return home - to my family, to my country, to people that looked and thought and felt and worshipped like me - was instinctive, unshakable, and utterly true. But everyone around me here in Pakistan questioned my reasons. "I wanted to come back" just wasn't good enough for them. Who would want to come back to Pakistan? And why? They seemed even more astonished when I told them no, there was no family pressure, no, not to get married, no, no boyfriend here. So in addition to the not insignificant task of adjusting back to living with my family, making new friends and reestablishing contacts with old ones, and finding a job, I had to contend with a lot of very weird attitudes which probably said more about them than it did about me and my reasons for coming back. I became aware that Pakistanis living in Pakistan carry a feeling of failure with them. If you have made it to the West and to America, you have "made it". If you are trying to go, your life is on hold or in limbo until you get the anxiously awaited call from the Embassy. If you go and come back, you are undoubtedly the biggest jackass that ever walked the earth. This is true whether you are the richest family living in Defence or a lower middle-class one from Gulshan. No matter how powerful your connections and how influential your reach, if you don't have some sort of connection to the West - a child studying abroad, an apartment in London, money in a bank account somewhere overseas - you have failed. Not only this, but there is a bad feeling between Pakistanis that live here and those that are there. Whenever someone overseas criticizes Pakistan and its inhabitants, the immediate reaction is "Who the hell are they to say this? Why don't they come back here and then they'll have a reason to talk." The feeling behind this being that if you are living in the West, you are enjoying all the amenities denied to us back here (especially after you have gotten your education, your funding, and all your emotional support from this country). If you have running water, electricity on a regular basis, and can go to work or school without fear of getting shot or bombed, you have no right to criticize anything in your country of origin. There is a deep-seated and little-admitted jealousy of the riches that expatriates have. In Pakistan, we try to cover it up with claims that we have a better family life here, a better culture, higher morals. This compensates for the low standard of living. Some days I woke up agreeing with these ideas, other days I fought them and told myself they were irrational, mean-spirited, and untrue. All this contributed to my nagging fear that perhaps I really had made a mistake coming back here. Things were taking longer than I expected to settle down. A year on, I still hadn't made many friends, I hadn't found work I really liked, and conditions in Pakistan were incomprehensible to say the least. I did feel from time to time that I had failed; that the purpose of my entire life - to get to America and stay there no matter what - had been thwarted. It's hard to give up a life purpose and start all over again, especially when your own mother says to you, "I wish you had stayed on in America". I heard about other girls that were still in America, working dream jobs, engaged to suitably lovely desi boys. I saw them at weddings and engagements held here in Pakistan for the benefit of adoring families. They had succeeded. I hadn't. But something in my head - or maybe it was my heart - told me to have patience, to stick it out, to wait and see. Three years on from my return, I am sitting here at my PC at work, typing in this article (don't tell my boss). I've been a journalist for about two years now, and a lot is working out for me career-wise. My circle of friends has grown from two to three to seven to fifteen and more - and that's not counting relatives either! I enjoy my nights out, whether it's a meal, a play, or a trip to the beach. I'm not married, but I don't really care. Same things I had when I was in America, give or take a few entertainment venues. And I have something that I never had in America - I can get up in the morning, tease my parents as they try to rub the sleep out of their eyes and argue with each other over tea and the newspapers. I can watch my baby nephew laugh in the bath when my cousin pours the water over his head. I can hold my sister when she cries over something someone said to hurt her, instead of just hearing it over a very expensive telephone call. And I can kiss my brother goodnight every night - even though he's fourteen and really getting too big to be kissed by his elder sister. Coming back to Pakistan? I may be crazy, but at least I'm happy.

[Amir]

To sum up this article nicely, "To each his or her own."

[kablooee87]

Originally Posted by Amir To sum up this article nicely, "To each his or her own."

that doesn't sum it up at all.

[Amir]

Originally Posted by kablooee87 that doesn't sum it up at all.

Nope, that sums it up. This person pretty much is ssaying "I am happier in Pakistan." She is not saying "go back to Pakistan and you will be happy!" So....."To each HER own."

[pakistani_banda]

i myself am an ex-expatriate and i gace the same questions of y after living in malaysia for 8 years i with my famly came back to pakistan, even though i was quite happy there.

my answer is simple and as well long and complex, i wanted to pakistan and pakistan is my home. i can not live in another country that is not my home for he rest of my life, i have to come back one day.

another reason is a rather complicated reasonn, as there r pakistanis who have settled there and r for like 20 years or so, and their kids r cut of from their cultrure and their country, they neither look like pakistanis nor malaysians.
they rather look like a completely new race. looking at this my parents decided to come back, as me and my sister were at such a stage for if we would have stayed there we wouldnty have been able to come for the next 4 years or so, though we would have come for holidays but it is not the same like ur actually living in pakistan. u dont face teh rough and tough life in pakistan when u come for holidays.

[Disco_Lemonade]

can we exchange passports

[Salman]

I can only speak for my own parents, they decided to got back to Pakistan in 2004 after all their sons had settled down into their own homes here in the uk... they spend summers in the UK and winters in Pak, but of late, they are finding it hard to justify what's so good about living in Pakistan (Karachi)... they complain about the just about everything when here, from the air, quality of meat, groceries, roads, scammers, family politics..etc, but still there is this obsession with living a life in Pakistan... I'm trying my level hardest to get them to move back to the UK as i fear for their saftey and health away from their children & gran children.

[kablooee87]

Originally Posted by Amir Nope, that sums it up. This person pretty much is ssaying "I am happier in Pakistan." She is not saying "go back to Pakistan and you will be happy!" So....."To each HER own."

The point is that people are openly discouraged from moving back to Pakistan as if it's some sort of failure. I think it's blatantly obvious that the growth and development of Pakistan depends highly on the contributions the expatriate community is willing to make, and I don't just mean financially.

The prevailing perception is that Pakistan is a lost cause, it's not even worth it anymore. Instead, let's all just sit on our ***** while *****ing and moaning about how bad things are. Not only is there a refusal to do something about it, but the individuals who actually take the initiative are marginalized.

On the other side of the coin, people living in Pakistan are acting hypocritically. On one hand, they won't accept any criticism of Pakistan from expatriates because they aren't living in Pakistan. But on the other hand, they can't see the justification for those same expatriates to come back to Pakistan and become a contributing member of Pakistani society.

[kablooee87]

Originally Posted by pakistani_banda i myself am an ex-expatriate and i gace the same questions of y after living in malaysia for 8 years i with my famly came back to pakistan, even though i was quite happy there. my answer is simple and as well long and complex, i wanted to pakistan and pakistan is my home. i can not live in another country that is not my home for he rest of my life, i have to come back one day. another reason is a rather complicated reasonn, as there r pakistanis who have settled there and r for like 20 years or so, and their kids r cut of from their cultrure and their country, they neither look like pakistanis nor malaysians. they rather look like a completely new race. looking at this my parents decided to come back, as me and my sister were at such a stage for if we would have stayed there we wouldnty have been able to come for the next 4 years or so, though we would have come for holidays but it is not the same like ur actually living in pakistan. u dont face teh rough and tough life in pakistan when u come for holidays.

There is an entire generation of people living in the West that is essentially nationless.

[Joseph K.]

Originally Posted by kablooee87 There is an entire generation of people living in the West that is essentially nationless.

And what is wrong with being 'nationless'? I think it gives one the most wonderful opportunity to pick and take the best from all the cultures and discard what is bad in one's own culture. It requires more critical awareness and thoughtfulness but the end product should be a better human being. Culture is a way of living a better life and nation and nationalism are quite old-fashioned and unislamic concepts to be honest. Most people who go back, regret it and come back. I don't know anybody who voluntarily went back and went on to live a happy, content and fulfilled life. My best friend is sending his family back next week. He has spent a huge amount on this venture therefore he has to stay back and pay off the loans. Once the loans are paid, he would go as well. He is worried that it might not work out for him. His father did the same 30 years ago. Moved back and was and still is being ripped off by his own brothers and sisters.

Being 'nationless' is the least of my worries. I worry more when I see people picking the worst from all the cultures. Our cardboard gangsters in places like Slough and Bradford who pick the worst in the western culture: drugs, violence, greed, bling bling etc. I worry equally when I see our young brothers picking the worst that the east has to offer: extremism, self righteousness, intolerance, mindless following etc. Both the east and the west have good things to offer but our people are quite good at picking the worst unfortunately.

[kablooee87]

Originally Posted by Joseph K. And what is wrong with being 'nationless'? I think it gives one the most wonderful opportunity to pick and take the best from all the cultures and discard what is bad in one's own culture. It requires more critical awareness and thoughtfulness but the end product should be a better human being. Culture is a way of living a better life and nation and nationalism are quite old-fashioned and unislamic concepts to be honest. Most people who go back, regret it and come back. I don't know anybody who voluntarily went back and went on to live a happy, content and fulfilled life. My best friend is sending his family back next week. He has spent a huge amount on this venture therefore he has to stay back and pay off the loans. Once the loans are paid, he would go as well. He is worried that it might not work out for him. His father did the same 30 years ago. Moved back and was and still is being ripped off by his own brothers and sisters. Being 'nationless' is the least of my worries. I worry more when I see people picking the worst from all the cultures. Our cardboard gangsters in places like Slough and Bradford who pick the worst in the western culture: drugs, violence, greed, bling bling etc. I worry equally when I see our young brothers picking the worst that the east has to offer: extremism, self righteousness, intolerance, mindless following etc. Both the east and the west have good things to offer but our people are quite good at picking the worst unfortunately.

I didn't mean to say it was entirely a bad thing. But I was referring to those same "cardboard gangsters" you are talking about.

[dblock]

The 'my nation' theory will soon go out of the window because of the global market. It will cause identity problems but future generations will be able to cope with it better I feel because they will see a mass of people constantly on the move.

Just an example in the UK, the up and coming 3rd generation of Pakistani immigrants (from the 50's/60's/70's) will have a big detachment from Pakistani culture, because the second generation at least had a parental upbringing that was Pakistani, however the third generation will not be as in tuned unless they visit Pakistan regularly or have a very traditional family.

[Invictus]

With all the "problems" with Pakistani society its still a place that feels like home to me. I moved when I was 16 and I just cant that feeling of belonging out here like I used to back home. Another thing that keeps me tied is the fact that even after everything that has happened the society back home is not completely capitalistic. I find most ills of the world today are inflicted upon us by capitalism.

[kayanni]

Invictus - 100% correct i agree with you

[lahori]

Originally Posted by Amir To sum up this article nicely, "To each his or her own."

Couldn't be said better.

I know of countless Pakistanis who would do anything to be in my shoes. Yet I too think about this many times and wonder whether I will someday return to the motherland. Unfortunately that would mean I would end up earning 1/10th of what I earn currently so no.