OT: The Old people thread ( Uncle Umar as special guest)

[MIG]

About time I took matters in my hand here - Can we have some meaningful posts on meaning of being old and what it means for world peace and harmony pls....

[Saj]

sorry MIG, cant contribute in this thread as am not old

[Officer Barbrady]

Old ie 65 plus?

[Geordie Ahmed]

Saj keep saying it and you might just believe it

[MIG]

Being old means to have your own dentures and hair piece.....

[Officer Barbrady]

Does performing Hajj in 1965 qualify?

[MIG]

:oD - well it helps if you call everyone Beta, Beta Marooned, zara Pani lana !

[Officer Barbrady]

:oD

[MIG]

Ok now, here it is , 10 signs that you are getting old

1. You address everyone as Beta

2. Your bones creak everytime you get up

3. Your dentures start to loosen and start mixing with the kebabs

4. Airlne staff start to lead you by the hand to your seat

5. The immigration guy at Lahore Airport addresses you as "Buzorgo"

6. When you pick up your kids from school, you wear ironed jeans with dress shoes

7. The chemist knows you by face

8. Saj calls you Bhai

9. Your wife asks if you are OK, everytime you sneeze.

And the single most important sign that you are getting on in life is:

Drumroll






Guys in their 20s and 30s start calling you Uncle !!







:-D

[Schiller]

:oD :oD

[Officer Barbrady]

:oD |-U

[Schiller]

the best part is saj calling you bhai

:oD

write up a will just in case MIG

[Geordie Ahmed]

If you oldies wanna feel young read this;

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4260191.stm[/url]

[Saj]

haha wah MIG bhai :-D mazaa ageyaa.

actually the bones are creaking these days, the hair is going slightly grey and the female species dont seem to be taking note either in the street. :-D

[Geordie Ahmed]

actually the bones are creaking these days, the hair is going slightly grey and the female species dont seem to be taking note either in the street.

I would have thought the females would be more interested, you know with you getting a Pension and that :-D :-D :-D

[Saj]

haha GA

[Abdul Qadir 236]

lol who is the oldest here?

[MIG]

Not me !

Yours from the past

Uncle Mig

[MIG]

My other car is a reliant robin....

[Schiller]

it feels odd that i have been invited to post in this thread of perpetual wisdom, shall we say? :-D

[MIG]

Dear Uncle Umar:

Its so great to have you here - pls shed upon us some evergreen poem on flowers or the joys of youth ( the non R rated type) or the pains of old age - whichever comes first.

Your sincerely

Mig the Old

[MIG]

Thresholds: With Pain, Older Is Better
By ERIC NAGOURNEY
<< OLE Object: Picture (Metafile) >>
Published: February 1, 2005

Younger people may be assumed to be more resilient physically than older people, but when it comes to chronic pain, researchers have found the opposite appears to be the case.

A study that looked at the experiences of more than 5,800 patients seeking treatment at a pain center over an eight-year period found that those over 50 tended to bear up better. The study, which appears in the journal Pain Medicine, was written by Dr. Tamara A. Baker of the University of South Florida and Dr. Carmen Renée Green of the University of Michigan.

To gauge the effects of a variety of painful conditions on the lives of the patients, the researchers asked them a series of questions. The patients were asked to describe the intensity of their pain and just how disabled they felt.
The study also looked at the psychological effects, asking patients how well they slept, for example, and assessing them for symptoms of depression.

The researchers also asked about alcohol use.
Like earlier studies, the report found that the black patients had a harder time coping with pain than the white ones. But within both groups, the older patients did better than the younger ones.

There could be several explanations, Dr. Green said. In part, it may be that younger people, juggling demands like children and jobs, already have more stress than their elders. But it could also be attitudinal.

"The expectations may be different," Dr. Green said. "I often hear when I talk to patients: 'Oh, it's just my arthritis. Oh, it's just aches.' "










:oD - aint that true Saj , eh ?

[Schiller]

:oD :oD

and

"Dear Uncle Umar:

Its so great to have you here - pls shed upon us some evergreen poem on flowers or the joys of youth ( the non R rated type) or the pains of old age - whichever comes first. "

My aging heart, poetry should never be R rated. however, allow me to give you on one flowers

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles today
Tomorrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting.

That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may, go marry:
For having lost but once your prime
You may for ever tarry."

- Herrick

:oD :oD :oD

[MIG]

:oD , you fiend !


Sounds almost like part of some eulogy !

[Schiller]

:-D

Couldnt resist that one :-D

actually its a very famous one and since you asked for old age and flowers i thought it was only appropriate tht saj and yo uget this
ha ha

[Schiller]

also as one old aging mind to another(2 acutally)

ill reiterate marooned's suggestion

get your kids onto wodehouse
and addendum of mine, on to Shaw as well

[MIG]

My son is already writing humor - his teachers love it and I just love reading his work ! Wodehouse is definitely on the cards as he loves to read..

[Schiller]

good good good!! im glad
prose ??

wodehouse and then if you get a chance for Humor, get him onto Oscar Wilde, that should polish him a bit

any cahnce we could see that mig?

[MIG]

I will post his work on the forum soon.

However, back to the subject - old people in the world are such impressive founts of wisdom - we need more old people !!

Sure "they" dont wear baggy jeans and gold chains ( I juts wear them cos I feel good about it ) but can you doubt the number of old people who have made important discoveries ( exception is Eminem who discovered bad language at a very young age ) ?

SO whats the moral of all this ? Old people not only require respect - they deserve it ! Left to you youngy types the world will soon become one long all night rave and another thing - old people are handsome and beautiful too ! ( barbed comment aimed at Annie who insists that anyone above 40 is ugly by definition )

So there.......I now ask the wolves and hyenas to rip me apart....

[Schiller]

Without wishing to be a hyena, no harm in being a wolf :-D

A lot of problems that the current generation is facing, moral,ethical or religious can in a strong part be apportioned to their parents or elders.

too long a discussion though :-D

[MIG]

Nothing is too long to discuss O Mighty Umar Chap

[Schiller]

:-D

[Officer Barbrady]

Originally Posted by MenInGreen and another thing - old people are handsome and beautiful too !

|-U |-U |-U

[pakistani pride]

good thread !

[MIG]

Taken from:

http://www.superlaugh.com/1/oldbites.htm


You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds?

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.



Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.


A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his Doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.


The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

You're getting old when "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.








:oD

[razzler]

"Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.


A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his Doctor instead of by the police. "

:oD :oD

[MIG]

Originally Posted by MenInGreen About time I took matters in my hand here - Can we have some meaningful posts on meaning of being old and what it means for world peace and harmony pls....

FYI, our younger viewers, old people come in different and assorted sizes and shapes and colours.

Below are examples from the Western civilization ( pls note the years of wisdom and good humor, just oozing out of these pics )




Pls take note and if you ever come accross people similar to above, be sure to shout "PP Loves ya old timers" !

[Officer Barbrady]

Woman, 79, charged with attacking police with cane
Wednesday, February 16, 2005 Posted: 7:58 AM EST (1258 GMT)

SOUTH BEND, Indiana (AP) -- A 79-year-old woman has been charged with using her wooden cane to strike police officers who arrived at her home to check on her welfare.

St. Joseph County prosecutors said the officers came to investigate a possible domestic abuse charge against Betty Chambers' live-in caretaker, Thomas Holleman, 57.

As the officers tried to handcuff Holleman, Chambers allegedly struck Officer Lonny Foresman over the head with her cane, prosecutors said.

Foresman suffered a mild concussion while Sgt. John Pavlekovich suffered a separated shoulder and hand injury, said Jaimee Thirion, a spokeswoman for St. Joseph County police.

Prosecutors charged Chambers and Holleman on Tuesday with resisting law enforcement and battery.

"This is a serious concern because police are there to protect all of us," said St. Joseph County Prosecutor Michael Dvorak.

A phone number listed under Chambers' name at her address had been disconnected.


:oD :oD

[MIG]

= Betty

Lets not jump to hasty conclusions here - this is an isolated incident - maybe she lifted her cane and the policeman fell on it - hard ?

[fair_play]

[quote="Schiller"]:oD :oD

and

"

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles today
Tomorrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting.

That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may, go marry:
For having lost but once your prime
You may for ever tarry."

- Herrick

What a fine piece of poetry - and so true as well.

[Schiller]

very true fp and if only Mig would take this advice but oh wait he has

for the him and you heres a few lines:

"O heart, we are old,
The living beauty is for younger men,
We cannot pay its tribute of wild tears."

-Yeats :-D

[MIG]

Tarjuma, Maulana Umar Sahib ?

[Schiller]

:oD

in case youre really asking

it means youre too old and shouldnt think of young things or it would be an Indian Summer and you know how torturing that can be :-D

[MIG]

in case youre really asking

Sometimes you overestimate my intelligence !

Thanks so what he means is that if I start thinking about whats gone on my life till now, I will be here forever !

[Schiller]

"Sometimes you overestimate my intelligence ! "

And I hope this is not sarcasm, cause I shirk from it :-D
but thats the disadvantage of being intelligent

"Thanks so what he means is that if I start thinking about whats gone on my life till now, I will be here forever !"

I think what he means is that youre old and dont have the passion to do justice to them.

[MIG]

Bloody fool this Yeats - If ever see him on the X5 , I will strangle him myself - samajhta kiya hai apnay ko ?

[Schiller]

:-D

well he considers himself a nobel laureate and the greatest poet Ireland produced and I agree with him :-D

but if you decide to strangle him let me know, id like to visit the great man's grave too
ha

ok my sense of humor is off tune today :-D

[MIG]

Oh so he died, very sorry to hear that - didnt catch that on TV :oD - just joking Umar...What did you think of my illustrations of old folk for younger viewers ?

[Schiller]

:oD :oD :oD :oD

a hoot as always
though i can see some of them in me and I am wondering what the hell
the following might be true for me


1. You address everyone as Beta

2. Your bones creak everytime you get up

4. Airlne staff start to lead you by the hand to your seat

(but this one is rather the other way around depending on the staff )

9. Your wife asks if you are OK, everytime you sneeze.

Substitute wife with other assorted cookies and I think we're in the same ball park
ha ha

[MIG]

Originally Posted by MenInGreen Originally Posted by MenInGreen About time I took matters in my hand here - Can we have some meaningful posts on meaning of being old and what it means for world peace and harmony pls.... FYI, our younger viewers, old people come in different and assorted sizes and shapes and colours. Below are examples from the Western civilization ( pls note the years of wisdom and good humor, just oozing out of these pics ) Pls take note and if you ever come accross people similar to above, be sure to shout "PP Loves ya old timers" !

:oD So true ....


I meant this one as well

[Schiller]

:oD :oD :oD

i can so see you in the person on top the one with blond hair :oD

[MIG]

Heres another one that is so close to my heart.....

Old People Joke by Nicole, age 15 There is an old couple that walk into a fast food resturaunt and they order one burger, one fry, and one coke. They go sit down and a nice guy walks in and sees that the old couple only has one meal so he goes and asks them if they have enough money for another meal or if they want another meal. The old woman says "no thank you." So the nice guy sits down and sees that the old man is eating not the woman and he gets up and goes to them and asks the old woman why she is not eating. She tells him that when they got married they vowed to share everything and it is his turn to use the teeth.

[MIG]

wakey, wakey Uncle Umar....

[Waqar's inswinging yorker]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA - THAT IS A GEM!!LOL - think i woke my housemates!

[Schiller]

:oD :oD :oD the joke

but heres a q MIG, whats the greatest thing that you fear when you start heading on and past 40?

[KB]

I think it was Mark Twain who said when your young you have the capacity, but not the opportunity. And when your old, you have the opportunity but not the capacity.

[Schiller]

:oD :oD

the opportunity one reminds me of Shaw when he said
"Marriage is popular cause it combines maximum of temptation with maximum of opportunity"

[KB]

:oD

[Schiller]

Thats one reason why I have always thought marriage cant be bad I tell ya, ofcourse he didnt mention the temporal factor there. it should have been

""Marriage is popular cause it combines maximum of temptation with maximum of opportunity - if only for a few mths" :-D

[Schiller]

and now our mod with the indian summer would lynch me :-D

[KB]

"whats the greatest thing that you fear when you start heading on and past 40?"

That you become like Umar Shahid! Enough to frighten the sh1t out of anyone. :oD

[Oxy]

At last, an old peoples thread that I can contribute towards...oh wait...must go and change those incontinence p.........................

oops...

[Schiller]

"That you become like Umar Shahid! Enough to frighten the sh1t out of anyone"

:oD :oD :oD

and this is rich coming from someone who i thought was 30ish :oD

[Oxy]

30...I started falling apart on the very day I hit 30.

Then 31...that was worse.

32...ooooh my back.

Now 33....Man those knees....

[KB]

"and this is rich coming from someone who i thought was 30ish"

I think the exact phrase you used was something along the lines of "dried up old git."

I still contest the "old" bit, but the rest is accurate.

[Schiller]

:oD that indeed was and I also suggested you might be one of those devilish guys that are so popular with the ladies with subtle charm :oD

[KB]

Slow down tiger, from old age to ladies. One step at a time.

[Schiller]

"from old age to ladies. One step at a time"

if only old age could learn that


but i was merely completing the reference

[KB]

:-D

[Schiller]

any interest in art ggm? or more spcifically have you seen Rodin's works?

[KB]

Can't say I know too much about the arts.

[Schiller]

hmm, if you like sculptures do look at Rodin's works ggm, alwys loved his "The Kiss" myself.

[entralinks]

[MIG]

http://www.ahajokes.com/g/age.gif

Two elderly gentlemen are playing cards on Saturday evening just as they have done for the past 50 years.

Gus, the elder, had been having problems remembering what cards were what, and usually needed help from his wife. At the end of the card game Red said to Gus, "You did very good tonight. You didn't need any help at all. Why is that?"

Gus replied, "Why, ever since my wife sent me to that memory school, I haven't had any problems at all."

"Memory school? What memory school?"

Gus thought for a moment, "Oh, what's that flower that's red with thorns? A really pretty flower . . . "

"A rose?" asked Red.

"Yeah, that's it!" Gus turned to his wife and mumbled, "Hey, Rose! What's the name of that memory school you sent me to?"

[MIG]

Ok, I think we need another kick start here.

So I will start the guest speaker series on this thread.

Our first speaker to speak on the great honour of being old, and from personal experience is Marooned

Marooned ?

[Officer Barbrady]

Me? Why if I m old...you are from the greek era.. :-D :oD

Though reading that Shahid Nazir and Rauf once again impressed those who saw the match today does make me feel old.

Anyhow, I don't have much else to say. So we should move onto the next speaker...

[MIG]

And the next speaker is - what was I saying... cant remember....let me check with my grandchildren....

Aha, yes, I was saying - the Titanic was such a great ship , what a marvel of engineering, almost boarded it with that Jack guy....

[Officer Barbrady]

:oD

[Officer Barbrady]

http://www.sillyjokes.co.uk/images/d...l-head-big.jpg

[MIG]

:oD

And the next speaker to dazzle our audiences will be.....


Mona.....

Mona....